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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so sad for my DS?

93 replies

toddlersareeasier · 13/07/2015 19:03

He's 20 and at uni, studying maths. He's doing really well, and works part time as a waiter.

He came in today and just looked fed up. He was standing at the bus stop in the rain and one of the twats who bullied him at school for studying drove past in an Audi. He said he felt like shit.

So much bloody easier when they were toddlers.

OP posts:
Hannahouse · 13/07/2015 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AccordingToOurRecords · 13/07/2015 19:52

The bully is a twat regardless of the car he drives.

To say all young lads driving nice cars are driving Dads car/ are dealing drugs is not true or nice.

DS1 (21) has 2 dream cars, he has worked bloody hard and saved for them and paid cash for them and paid his insurance up front. Nothing to do with his Dad( he died).

Spartans · 13/07/2015 19:53

When will his hard work pay off?

He is only 20. He has chosen to go to uni. Who is to say they boy in the car isn't working equally as hard, but not studying. Your ds has taken the longer path to that. In the long run, it will pay off.

My friend is only 24 and is on his 2 Range Rover. He didn't go to uni. He started work at 16 and worked his bollocks off and is now quite wealthy.

Not every successful career has to include uni.

FurtherSupport · 13/07/2015 19:56

How According? As PP said IME 20yos have to pay literally thousands to insure very ordinary cars. No matter how hard you work and save in any sort of job, it's not possible to pay cash and insure 2 luxury cars with only 3 years of work behind you? Is it?

Usernamegone · 13/07/2015 20:09

I know some who had a brand new swanky car when I had graduated and was stuck in crappy temping work. Ten years later her bullying caught up with her and she went to prison!
It has taken me 10 years of hard work to get myself into position where I am comfortable. I am proud that I have achieved this by working hard (and not trampling on other people). I hope your DS feel the same way in 10 years time Smile

AccordingToOurRecords · 13/07/2015 20:13

Further, DS has been working PT since 12, FT since 16. He is quite an entrepreneur and has used his money to make money. That is how.

Casimir · 13/07/2015 20:20

Why keep lying? Luck is far more important. Or timing if you want a nice phrase.

AccordingToOurRecords · 13/07/2015 20:23

Casimir, who was that post directed at?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/07/2015 20:23

I have a friend who always drives lovely top of the range cars...rented of course! But to anyone who doesn't know him it looks like he owns them. Just remember your DS could be that bully's boss one day!

Ledare · 13/07/2015 20:23

Yeah, I thought dealer as well.

ilovesooty · 13/07/2015 20:26

Surely most 20 year old undergraduates don't run cars, let alone expensive ones?

I think your reaction and his was a bit over the top really.

Spartans · 13/07/2015 20:28

Yeah of course. Young person has a nice car so they must have obtained by dealing drugs.

Not ageist at all.

notquitehuman · 13/07/2015 20:32

A maths degree is an awesome investment, and your DS is bound to have plenty of options when he graduates. He's only 20. I'm in my 30s and still get the bus (although not for long - fingers crossed!)

This bully, you know nothing about his situation. He could have rented the car for the day, borrowed it ftom his dad etc etc. It's not worth coming up with endless scenarios where this guy has a shitty life and your son triumphs. Sadly, it doesn't always happen like that. If you spend too long focusing on others like this then you'll become bitter, and you don't want your son to waste his life worrying about what others are up to.

EugenesAxe · 13/07/2015 20:32

Maybe he's a dealer. If he's got form for being a cunt he might be found in that Audi in a week with some bullets in him?

Morbid Pollyanna...

EugenesAxe · 13/07/2015 20:34

Cross posted with everyone re. dealer comment.

noeffingidea · 13/07/2015 20:37

He shouldn't feel sad, OP. He should feel proud of himself. He's getting an education and working hard . Life isn't all about flashy cars or what you have. It's about who you are.
My son is hoping to go to uni , (he's waiting on his a-level results), he's just about to start a new part time job after months of rejections, and he's so proud of himself, and so am I.
Going to uni is brilliant, I wish I could do it all over again but I can't.
I just think your son should put this bully out of his head and focus on his own life and achievements. He has no reason to feel like shit at all.

EugenesAxe · 13/07/2015 20:38

And actually, I don't wish anybody dead; neither would your DS I expect. I've just known that happen and I thought it could be an example of the turning of Fate's wheel.

Original poster
toddlersareeasier · 13/07/2015 20:44

I certainly don't wish anyone dead, that's a horrible thought.

It was not the way he wanted to ever see the guy again. He's a good boy and he knows all this stuff, but he's only young.

OP posts:
Spartans · 13/07/2015 20:46

What way did he want to see him?

Yarp · 13/07/2015 20:54

Eh?

He could have borrowed it, or be paying on the never-never

It's a shame he thinks a bloody car is the be-all-and-end-all but he's a young man so I suppose he can be excused, but I don't think you should be agreeing with him

The bully is presumably still a bully, but with a car.

hiddenhome · 13/07/2015 20:55

I'd rather have a maths degree than an Audi any day Smile

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 13/07/2015 20:56

My daughter, who has Asperger's, had a grim time for years at primary school. She was bullied by several children but the ringleader was a goodlooking, bright, popular, middle-class boy. She wasn't the only child he bullied. I don't know why he did it but I did once see him with his older brother and it seemed to me that the older brother was not being very kind so maybe the younger one was just behaving the way he had learned.

Anyway, the boy's mother was called into the school after my daughter reached the point of school refusal and threatening self-harm, and was referred to the child and adolescent mental heatlh services. By chance I saw his mum talking to another woman shortly afterwards. She was saying 'I know X is no angel, but he's no bully...' I managed to contain myself and said nothing. If I had engaged with her my inner fishwife would have been let loose and it would have done no good.

Anyway, on the strength of this thread I've just googled this young man, who would now be about 23/4. I see that although he has a degree from a good university he is employed in what looks to me like a very lacklustre job. I cannot tell you how pleased I am. [Yes, I am a cow.]

Your son will do better than the twat in the Audi in the long run. The best revenge is a life well lived. Thanks for him.

Original poster
toddlersareeasier · 13/07/2015 20:58

I think he wanted to show him that he was wrong and studying was worth it.

Stepping away from this thread now, thank you for all replies.

OP posts:
DonttouchthatLarry · 13/07/2015 21:04

what kind of Audi? A £60k Audi or a £1k Audi? The make is surely irrelevant, could be an old banger. My DH has an Audi, but I'm pretty sure no one has ever been green with envy seeing him drive past!

moleinthehole · 13/07/2015 21:07

Hi - I had to get my password reset in order to post - I hardly ever post! My son has a maths degree. He is about to start work and will earn £££, but more importantly, he has decided to give a % of his salary to charities, and would still be able to afford an audi - but has also decided to cycle and take public transport.

your son will be fine. He has chosen well, from what you have said. well done him. In a few short years he won't be thinking about the bullies - he won't have time to waste on it.

And well done him for working as a waiter at the same time - all brilliant experience. You must be very proud of him :)