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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider a 19 mile journey for secondary school place?

117 replies

Felicityfarewell · 12/07/2015 16:27

Little background -
We rent and will be forever probably
We are practising Catholics
I drive as does my husband
Okay so long story short we live in Horsham, have done since birth of son now approaching year 6.
He is at a catholic primary as is his sister who goes into year 5 come September.
We don't have any catholic schools here, most seem to go onto st Wilfred's in Crawley which I really disliked on the visit, a few to burgess hill ( no idea why, that school is in the middle of nowhere ) or they then leave faith schools behind and go to a non faith one.
I really want a catholic secondary and I've looked at both sir philip howard in barnham, really liked it but personally wouldn't like to go any further away from London ( where I grew up ) than here so seems daft as would never want to live there, but fell in love with St. Andrews in leatherhead.
It's mixed unlike a few other catholic schools in surrey which is important as their age gap is only 1 school year, and my husband grew up in Epsom so very familiar with the area etc.
trouble is that it's 19 miles from our home address, not even half an hour driving as all pretty fast roads or 25 mins on a direct train however only 6 children not living locally got in last year so the safest thing to do would be to move that way when our tenancy expires in September so that we stand a good chance but the downside is then commuting for 2 years ( including son and daughter ) to Horsham as wouldn't want to disrupt them and very doubtful any of the catholic schools would have a place.
We will without a doubt go from a 3 bed house to a 2 bed flat / house maybe for the rental price we can pay ( £1,200 a month ) taking out petrol likely to cost a good £100 a month doing the journey and that's one way as in I'll stay in Horsham for the day, collect daughter and then son on way home kind of thing. Am I being ridiculous considering it? Lots of friends think it's just too far to do for 2 years, husband thinks the cost is too high but agrees in principal and as we are renting it would only cost a few hundred pounds with referencing fees and a van.
What do you all think?

OP posts:
Kamden · 12/07/2015 19:01

OMG (as my teenager would say) Grin

How many more threads are you going to start about Catholic schools and the Horsham area? Changing a few details doesn't make it any less obvious, ya know? The basics in your many, many threads are all the same!

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 19:01

You do know some councils are considering scrapping the sibling rule?

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 19:08

If you are posting this a lot but are so convinced it's a good idea and all going to be fine. There is more to it that you aren't saying.

Either your dh isn't on board
Someone else is telling you it's a bad idea
Or you aren't planning on moving for 2 years. You are planning on moving on a temp basis to get a place then moving again and trying to work out of the LEA or school (whoever does the admissions) will believe you have had to go to these lengths because you had no choice and believe that you are planning on staying in the area local to school. And using mn as a sounding board.

Original poster
Felicityfarewell · 12/07/2015 19:09

Wouldn't matter if they scrapped it or not as by then we would be living in the area anyway.
Yes unfortunately the job itself is 12 miles away so petrol does add up but £200 a month is petrol all in getting the kids around day to day as well as work so working is probably half of it or less

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 19:13

But you aren't 100% that ds will get a place. What if he does and she doesn't? If they do scrap the sibling rule.

Original poster
Felicityfarewell · 12/07/2015 19:30

We will have moved by then so she will be within the area required

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 19:32

But you will be moved by the time you apply for ds too.

I am so confused op. fancy sharing why so many posts when you are so convinced this is a great idea?

Kamden · 12/07/2015 20:41

I'm not sure whether we've being trolled or if there is really someone out there who is so obsessed with Horsham, Bognor and catholic schooling.

LIZS · 12/07/2015 21:05

I'm confused Confused are your DC 4/5 or year 4/5 ? Does your tenancy renew in September or March ? So many similar threads, so many contradictions!

Not all religious affiliated secondaries actively promote the practices beyond RS and assemblies simply due to their size and the diverse backgrounds of pupils. You could pick one which turns out to differ wildly from your expectations.

Fredmitten · 12/07/2015 21:08

You can afford a three bed - just not in Leatherhead. I'm guessing we'll see more threads on this - but you're clearly not for turning. Good luck, it's a hell of a punt - and pls don't underestimate the pressure this places on your son. My DH's family gave up a huge amount for his education, it negatively impacted him and it still sits uneasily with the rest of the family 30 years later. It may work out, but do try and consider every factor, not just this currently favoured school.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/07/2015 21:16

19 miles a day, bit much that, op.
Okay not so bad while you both have a car, but what happens a few years down the line, and your financial situation changes and you have to get rid of the cars.
FX that does not happen but you need to prepare for every eventuality. A lot can happen in those 5 years.
I agree about putting them in a nearer non Catholic school, you will still be practicing your Religion

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 21:32

I think the op is trying her stories out here. Them when her application is refused and she appeals she is hoping to have a convincing story. No appeal panel will believe she will spend 2 years wondering roaming around Horsham.

She is probably moving into the area then moving back out once he has a place and knows the LEA are looking into applications further to prevent this.

Mehitabel6 · 12/07/2015 22:33

A lot easier to find a good local school and not try and find the Catholic one. They can do that in their own time through church.

Icimoi · 12/07/2015 23:14

If you didn't have to spend time ferrying your children to school and hanging around before ferrying them back, might you improve your chances of finding a daytime job? At their age you don't necessarily need to limit it to termite.

Original poster
Felicityfarewell · 12/07/2015 23:21

Don't be so ridiculous, why would I not be moving to where the secondary is? That means I would be spending even longer travelling???
I don't want childminders etc, I chose to leave my career to be at home.

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 13/07/2015 06:36

Ok OP you aren't planning to love in and out of the area. So why so many posts with details changed?

You are (apparently) doing this. Why is mns support so important to you? You say you husband agrees in principle. Surely what everyone else thinks is irelevant?

Your OP says dh agrees because it will only cost a few hundred in fees and can rental and then say that you have toove anyway. If you have to move anyway, the fees are irelevant to the decision as you will be paying that where you move to.

You have never confirmed wether your chosen school are involved in confirmation of students, despite a saying this is one of the reasons you want Catholic school.

Either you have taken a lot of time reseraching these schools, local rents in order to start some weird debate that doesnt really apply to you, someone in RL doesn't agree with you or you are trying to find out if your plan is believable.

Since you don't want to answer which one it is. So I will make my own mind up.

Teabagbeforemilk · 13/07/2015 06:40

Oh and lots of people do it. Cost of housing in areas with desirable schools being the main reason. Rent somewhere in the good area, but move further out to a bigger property once the child is in.

Once you have one child in, your second child goes up in criteria even if you move away. Again this is why some councils are considering scrapping the sibling rule.

That's why schools and LEAs are cracking down and checking where people love and for how long they have lived there etc.

NoahVale · 13/07/2015 06:52

I have not read the thread
however wont your DC make their own way to school?
I think that is the norm.

NoahVale · 13/07/2015 06:54

the catholic friends I have send their child to the nearest catholic senior school, it is a 1 hr bus plus train ride away. Is that not feasible to you?

DonnaKebab66 · 13/07/2015 06:58

Seriously OP this one again? The last thread was only a month ago!

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 13/07/2015 07:07

How will you feel, OP, if you go through all these (what seem to me) ridiculous efforts to send your DC to a religious school and one or both of them decide as they grow up (and start thinking for themselves) that they don't want to follow the same religion as you? They'd be terrified to tell you after you spent years sleeping on the floor and wandering round Horsham!

Send them to a school that deals with the real stuff that they actually need to know and cover the religious indoctrination during evenings and weekends. Why not just do that?

thegreylady · 13/07/2015 07:10

Just to say that I have a granddaughter at St Wilfred's in Crawley. She had been bullied at her primary school in East Grinstead so her parents moved her to The Friary in Crawley. She was happy there but only at St Wilfred's has she blossomed both socially and academically.
Interestingly neither of her older siblings are there, they are both at Imberhorne(?) but the ethos of St Wilfred's is perfect for dgd. The family is Catholic.

Spadequeen · 13/07/2015 07:13

I'm wondering why you asked if yabu on here. As any time someone comes up with a reason why they wouldn't do it, you shoot it down.

You family your choice, but you've asked for advice, when you've had advice you don't like you seem to get quite defensive. If you're happy with your decision then go for it, it doesn't matter to anyone on here what school you send your children to or where or how you live but I wouldn't ever go on the am I being unreasonable board for validation

CrystalHaze · 13/07/2015 07:41

I'm wondering why you asked if yabu on here. As any time someone comes up with a reason why they wouldn't do it, you shoot it down.

I'm wondering the exact same thing. Confused

What is the point of this thread, OP? You've clearly made up your mind and won't countenance any potentially negative outcomes, so what are you waiting to hear?