Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that, by date 3, this is a big red flag?

102 replies

Lostin3dspace · 12/07/2015 11:13

I'm about to go on date 3 with a man I thought was lovely, but he sent me a text yesterday telling me what he thought I'd look lovely in, including length of dress, perfume, underwear, light makeup. Up until this point, I was looking forward to it, but now I'm very skeptical. Am I just overthinking this? It's not like he's asked me to wear anything outlandish.

OP posts:
LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 12/07/2015 11:22

Actually, why don't you text back that you think he would look amazing in a Borat- style mankini in lime green and would he please wear that to your date.

ThePinkOcelot · 12/07/2015 11:22

Don't go OP! He is showing you who he is. Nice of him to do it so early on. Saves you becoming too invested! Ruuuuunnnnnnnn!!!!!

BrockAuLit · 12/07/2015 11:22

Ewwww!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/07/2015 11:22

It might be a misplaced fantasy.

AliceScarlett · 12/07/2015 11:23

Maybe he's not vanilla ;)

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 12/07/2015 11:23

Balls 2D Wall - great minds think alike! I went for a mankini!

sebsmummy1 · 12/07/2015 11:23

Yep, extremely weird and I wouldn't go any further with the relationship.

Zucker · 12/07/2015 11:23

So he's telling you on your previous 2 dates your clothes have been wrong and you wore too much makeup? Run for them there hills.

Original poster
Lostin3dspace · 12/07/2015 11:23

Thanks. I don't even wear make up, except to weddings. Still feel guilty about cancelling. I guess that's not a good sign either is it?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 12/07/2015 11:23

hes completely objectified you. You could probably be anyone. Run a mile

wtfisgoingonhere · 12/07/2015 11:28

If he'd suggested a dress, and longer length, I would be inclined to say he was taking you somewhere posh and lovely. ...

BUT the rest of the stuff, yup he's doing you a favour letting you know what a weirdo he is early on
Run!

CamelHump · 12/07/2015 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lostin3dspace · 12/07/2015 11:34

No, we're just going to the flicks. I guess I'm doubting myself here because I am rubbish at fashion, hair and makeup, but I don't think that I'm that ugly, and, I'm a career woman, two kids, been dumped by husband of twenty years last year, so I'm very independent. But I could probably improve on how I dress. still, don't think I need a man to tell me. Unless it is Gok Wan.

OP posts:
SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 12/07/2015 11:35

wtfisgoingonhere, but if he were taking her somewhere nice, surely the normal thing to say would be " I have something special planned for our date, please dress for cocktails/smart" etc. Not the absolute specifics down to undercrackers.

And on that subject, I have to ask, when he told you about his underwear expectations, did he mean "please wear some underwear" or did he specify the type of underwear he wants you to wear? Sexy lingerie?

Yes, as everyone has said, OP, run a mile. But pure curiosity on my part would make me ask why he was making dress suggestions before I cancelled the date and got on with the running.

cruikshank · 12/07/2015 11:37

I would also say it sounds like some kind of lame attempt to live out a fantasy. He's probably spent too much time reading 50 shades.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 12/07/2015 11:37

Very weird. Glad to hear you've cancelled. What excellent instincts you have!

Now if you could just post your first paragraphs in italics, your second in bold, and follow it up with a smiley face from now on, I think we shall get on just fine.

:o

Original poster
Lostin3dspace · 12/07/2015 11:40

The thing is, being aware of my awful dress sense, on the last two dates, I did wear dresses and nice underwear, and perfume. I didn't do makeup though, as I rarely wear it, and feel self conscious wearing it, and don't see the point in going to a date dressing and wearing makeup in a manner you wouldn't normally be happy with, because your date will expect it all the time, and your own standards will disappear down hill over time.

OP posts:
Totality22 · 12/07/2015 11:42

Out of interest was he asking you to wear stuff you already have?

IE was he saying wear that perfume you had on last time? Or was he expecting you to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe?

Not that it makes a difference, I am just interested.

Original poster
Lostin3dspace · 12/07/2015 11:43

Ok, I've just dumped him, wished him luck etc. weirdly, I'm in tears now. Over a nearly three dater.
I must need my head examined.

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 12/07/2015 11:44

You're allowed to be disappointed he turned out to be an arse Flowers

Be kind to yourself, have a good cry and get back out there.

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease · 12/07/2015 11:57

You definitely did the right thing. Instructing you to wear make-up when you don't normally wear it?! He sounds awful. You sound lovely. FlowersBrewCake

sebsmummy1 · 12/07/2015 11:57

I understand the tears and they are not about him perse.

You have hopes and dreams and you put some if your hopes in this man and unfortunately he hasn't lived up to them. It's not his fault and it's not your fault, these things happen. I cried over quite a few men before I met my fiancée and thank god I let them go as my fiancée is a beautiful person and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

x2boys · 12/07/2015 12:00

i sometimes check with dh i he ;likes a top trousers etc but if a man was telling me on date three what wear i would run a mile.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/07/2015 12:01

Wow run run run as far away in the opposite direction. Tell him thanks but no thanks.

x2boys · 12/07/2015 12:01

you did the right thingWineFlowers