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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

taking the last week of school off in year 10 ...

17 replies

LadyTmalia · 11/07/2015 14:31

My daughter decided to run away from home last week. She finally came home yesterday but isnt happy (wants to kill herself, self harms and so on)
My mum has said she would look after her now, but lives too far for her to go to school.
This was decided last night after school finished for the week, so cant ask the teachers about it. but basically she would be missing the last week of school.

According to my daughter, her HoY has said that I cant take her away from school.
Now we are lookign at a £600 fine if school get arsey, but I cannot afford that,
We have SS involved and the Doctors etc she told the nurse she didnt really want to kill herself, she just says it... The 4inch knife under her bed tells me a different story.

The reason for going to my mums is she is safe, looked after, she enjoys it there and will get her away from the bad influence - a boy she said messes her head up. But this is a short term soloution, god knows whats going to happen in september.

Do you think the school will be arsey - its not like Im taking her on holiday, its for her own good!

what would you do?

OP posts:
Fedupofcar · 11/07/2015 14:35

Just say she's ill (mental health)

Smoorikins · 11/07/2015 14:36

She's ill. She needs time off for her mental health. If the school don't like it, they can swivel IMO.

If she had flu it wouldn't be an issue. This shouldn't be treated any differently.

OddBoots · 11/07/2015 14:37

I would have thought the GP would willingly sign her off, it seems the right choice.

wtffgs · 11/07/2015 14:37

She's ill - she isn't fit to be in school. Poor kid and poor you SadBrew I am glad you have family support.

Original poster
LadyTmalia · 11/07/2015 14:42

Thank you for your replies. I will take her. I do think her well being is more important than the school fines! Silly question really.

OP posts:
mummytime · 11/07/2015 14:54

I would phone the GP and explain. If the school tries to fine you, then object. You are not taking her out of school for a holiday but for her mental health. I don't think such fines would stick, and if it went to court it would be thrown out.
The doctor should sign her off, and would if she was working.

Have you been referred to CAHMS? Have you told the nurse about the knife?

mummytime · 11/07/2015 14:59

The maximum fine is £60 or £120 for two parents, it's not £60 per day per parent.

jamaisdeux · 11/07/2015 15:09

Definitely take her our of school. I wouldn't hesitate. I can't see how they would disagree.

You sound like a lovely mama Flowers hope DD feels better soon.

ghostyslovesheep · 11/07/2015 15:14

school can't fine you £600

ask them if they can guarantee her safety? they can't - get the doctor to 'sign her off'

look after her and sod the school

LokiBear · 11/07/2015 15:18

I'm a HOY. Phone them and ask for help. Explain you can't force her to come to school and you are terrified she will hurt herself. If you were a parent at my school, id be on the phone to every agency that could help. Me and our self harm councillor would do a home visit and offer to pick her up if she absolutely needed to be in (our yr10s had controlled assessments in the final week). They will not fine you for none attendance under these circumstances. Good luck Flowers

LokiBear · 11/07/2015 15:20

We would also give her a reduced timetable, in school councilling and a nominated person to come to in the day. We would allow her to stay at home too under these circumstances.

noblegiraffe · 11/07/2015 15:43

The school would absolutely not fine you in those circumstances. Getting the GP to sign her off would ensure your back is covered if you are worried.

I agree that the school will be able to signpost you to further support, refer to CAMHs etc, so definitely explain the situation to them on Monday.

ISAs can be caught up if they are doing them next week, mental health is more important.

listsandbudgets · 11/07/2015 15:52

No as others have already said the school should be very understanding andd hopefully be able to offer you ongoing support not just not but if needed into year 11.

So sorry to read this OP. I hope that with the right help and support your dd manages to recover and that you also have some help to get over a horrible and very worrying time.

namechange4this123 · 11/07/2015 16:03

She sounds too unwell to be attending school right now. if someone has a physical illness or injury they need time off, your daughter also needs time off for medical reasons. But as it will be a whole week, you do need a medical note from her GP verifying that she is too unwell to be in school for this week.

At the end of the summer, when hopefully she will have had treatment and the situation improve, you can reevaluate the situation, and if necessary discuss any adaptations e.g. reduced timetable, ensuring she is in different classes from boy who is upsetting her etc.

The priority is her health.

FeelTheNoise · 11/07/2015 16:13

Definitely a GP note. Then if you still have trouble from the school, let it go to court, the fine won't stand and you won't be prosecuted.
Sounds so tough, I really feel for you x

Original poster
LadyTmalia · 11/07/2015 22:05

She has been referred all over the place, last year she went through the Doctor's and it came back as a letter saying there was little they could do, same with the school. She just wouldnt talk to antbody.

This year she hurt herself quite badly and school referred her for counselling, She refuses to discuss anything.
after the silly argument on tuesday she stormed off. We had to call the police as she wasnt coming home. At 23:00 I found out where she was and spoke to the mother of the girl she was staying with. DD didnt want to talk to us then. The police wouldnt do anything as she was safe.
Next day the school contacted Child Support for us. We took her to the Doctors and they said they would contacts Cipps? (pips) The Child protection people said they would contact her for an return to home interview, as far as I am aware this has not yet happened.

She finally came home late Friday eveningbut made it clear she didnt want to stay, she was very upset and very unhappy.

Her dad and I took her to my mum's this afternoon, we didnt want to. We spoke on the way there and cleared a few things up. When we left her she was happy and smiling again, my dh was in bits :( and I am pretty upset too.

I dont know how it is going to go with the school on Monday. I didnt feel I could wait any longer. Whats done is now very much done.
I know she is in a calm enviroment, without siblings and parents and other well meaning 15 year old girls :O :O

Thank you all for you help
x

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 11/07/2015 22:28

Can you stop all contact with this boy?

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