Are we raising a generation of spoilt, entitled narcissistic children?!

[Middleriddle]

Following on from the school reports on Facebook post, I have grave concerns about this future generation of children currently being raised in a world of social media and with an amazing sense of entitlement (materially and emotionally and socially).

Will they expect to have and do everything with minimal effort because everything has been provided for them? Parents meeting their every need and buying anything they want. iPhones by age 10 etc. Constant selfies and too much self-absorption will make them selfish and narcissistic. Has there been any research yet on this?

I am really concerned for the future. I am a parent of 2 small children and as yet as they are so small, we are still in a bubble. How do I protect them but not make them too different and out of sync with their friends?

I have noticed a bigger jump in kids expecting mum and dad to buy their first car, not any crappy old banger but that shiny 2 year old one there. I know part time jobs are harder to get now and insurance is bonkers (it always has been), but there seems a definite jump that it's expected now.

When me and my friends were at college (10 years ago) out of 30 of us, 3 had cars bought the rest of us earnt them and it was an expensive area.

I had sky tv back in the 80s,

Sky TV only started in 1989 so you can't have had it for that much of the 1980s!

My folks bought me my first car nearly 30 years ago. I remain a fully functional self supporting adult.
We won't be buying DC one as we are paying for their Uni instead. They are on our insurance to drive our cars instead. They are both currently at work.

I remember the kids who kicked off that their mums wouldn't buy Levi's and only buy jeans at c&a. Some kids at sixth form were bought brand new cars. One got bought 2 as he wrote the first one off.

Still have not seen anything different to how kids were when I was young

I think there are good things too.
Dd is 13 and seems proud and comfortable with her emerging womanhood. A big difference from when I was that age, wearing a cardi to hide my bra strap and loathing my periods due to big bulky pads and a sense of taboo.
Selfies are ok untill someone makes nasty comments and then she's devastated.
The worst thing is the total lack of space between friends.
Friendships are intense at this age but straight from school they are back on face time and also are constantly aware of what each other is doing, Dd often spends time fuming after finding out she's not been invited to a sleepover or trip to town

I think it is very important to provide everything, or as much as you can, in an emotional sense that a child needs; that isn't spoiling them.

Materially I'm not sure what is the right balance.

I think being child led is good - for example, don't buy them an i phone just because they ask for one. Buy one when it is appropriate and can be used properly.

If you use common sense you won't go too far wrong I guess.

I do dislike the sense I get at many children's parties that it is a time for them to 'do what they like' and this worries me.

I was at one about 2 years ago where all the kids started going batshit and popping balloons everywhere, throwing food about etc.

The noise was one thing - everyone stood back and watched like it was fine to behave like this - (I called my son over and asked him to stop) but after it had subsided a little, the vision of a few of the parents cautiously wandering about picking up broken balloon pieces and cake from the floor, while the children did nothing to help, was quite poignant to me.

It was as though we want them to have this moment of perfect carefree time where nothing they do is seen to impact anyone else, and I don't agree with that. I think it turns into riotous drunken teenage parties (and they are surprised when their parents get angry to return to a trashed house - this was encouraged when we were children?) and then unlimited drunken nonsense as adults.

What's it about - are their everyday lives so shit that they need this treatment in contrast? I don't think so.

I really actively avoid children's parties now. It just doesn't sit right with me. You can have loads of fun without a herd mentality encouraged by parents - 'Oh let them trash the room, theyre just kids' - no, that isn't necessary.

Today 09:35 KatieScarlettreregged
There's a difference in expecting it to be bought for you and parents choosing to buy you an expensive gift.
There seems a different expectation of it now.

They have probably been raised to expect it by their parents.

There were and always will be spoiled entitled children (thanks to their parents) in EVERY generation. Every generation has its problems. I wouldn't like to grow up now knowing I'd need a massive loan to get through university and even bigger loan to buy a house, plus be stuck paying for a very large amount of pensions, living in an increasingly unequal society . Our kids will have a great many problems to contend with.

And yes, you are officially an ancient crone OP

gobblers your post made me feel sad. Really pleased you met some young people that were a refreshing change but a shame that the majority did indeed seem very self-absorbed and entitled.

As many have said, I do believe I now have officially become old as in like my parents! "Ooh the younger generation!" and all that. Will try and put some realistic perspective on it all. Will obviously bring up my two little ones to be part of their modern generation but hopefully instill all the good qualities many of you have listed above. Humour helps too. Ability not to take yourself too seriously. And again as gobblers said a healthy interest in wider issues too.

I have a 13 Yr old DD and a 14DS there are a lot of pressures comming from the use of social media which I and Dh did not have as teens. Back then we put on a clean pair of jeans and a tee shirt and went out. Now my Ds stresses and the pressure to conform is huge - they are exploited by brand name cos charging a fortune for sweatshirts and runners. Some of their pals cut and they are aware of others who have eating disorders. At older age groups in our locality kids are having sex - girls put on pill so STDs rampant and no respect from the boys. I keep mine busy and active and we try to knock of the bombardment from TV and Internet as much as possible. The exploitation and objectification of young girls in advertising is shocking and leading to a lot of problems.

Your DC will be fine. Us gimmers do a fine job and yes, humour helps

Blimey amammi
Feel sad again.

Just wait until they try to pay for uni or buy a house. That'll sort 'em.

that should properly smack some sense into them.

There are different technological norms for each generation. Our generation, gasp, all hand landlines, televisions and vcrs. The generation before that all had fridges, teles and cars. Now it's an iphone.

What I think is a worry is the constant screen time. that's true for adults too though. the eye strain and brain drain. Instead of reading they are texting "r u ok?"

but being too spoilt? they are two generations too young for that.

Again, when I was school there was huge pressure to have kickers shoes, I got my first pair in year 11. Head was the brand of school bag you HAD to have and Levi's jeans and jackets were a must have. There was terrible pressure.

Dad even says there was pressure for this when he was young. But it was lee jeans.

Girla in my year has abortions or left because they were pg.

It's about so muc more than social media. As a teen I would have never thrown on any pair of jeans and any t shirt and left the house.

When my parents came to see my flat mum said 'oh, a tumble dryer. We'd been married 20 years before we got a tumble dryer'. Then she caught herself and remembered her mum said much the same to her about her twin tub.

In my day we had a uniform.
Which meant the tightest short skirt you could find, shirt unbuttoned, tie short and stumpy, those long socks that came up over the knee and bizarrely Clark's shoes.
Hair was liberally sun in damaged or burgundy by use of toners sachets. I personally probably was responsible for a large part of the ozone problem by my constant use of Elnett and Impulse.
I look at teens today and think, at least they look better than I did.

I'm a supply teacher, mainly in FE so 16 - 19 year olds.

The amount of 'stuff' a kid has doesn't seem to matter, there are some entitled teenagers but there are also a lot of polite, thinking, hard working teenagers.

I don't care if you have the latest iphone, I do care when you take it out in class and answer it.

Teach your kids to respect themselves and others.

Do not teach them that respect has to be earned without teaching who it should be earned from, when I walk in to a class with new students I do not need to earn your respect. When you start work your boss does not need to earn your respect.

Teach them to find answers themselves.

These are the things that will equip them for life.

No I don't agree with you OP.

I have a 21 and 24 year old dds. I think they had lovely childhoods but will also have a harder life than I did. They had constant pressure at school to preform well, (because of league tables etc), they've had to take on huge loans to get through uni, they won't be able to buy their first house at 24 with a very small amount of money. Things have not been handed to them on a plate and they know they won't be in the future.

To dismiss an entire generation as spoilt is really unfair. There are wonderful young people out there who are a credit to their parents and communities.

Can't stand the youth bashing.

I don't agree. My oldest is nearly 18, and I see my kids as being hardworking and respectful of others.

They (and their friends) have a degree of empowerment which I never had at that age, a deep sense of justice, of championing the underdog, they have concerns about homophobia, racism and are generally much more switched on than we were decades ago.
Yes we have loads of gadgets, but that is a sign of the times, we live in an information society.
( I have just counted in our home 4 lap tops, 3 tablets, 3 PCs, 4 smartphones!!)

I definitely agree that today's younger generation have their own challenges to meet and are probably under more stress and pressure than out generation in some ways, and less in others.

I do think, here in Ireland, that academic standards seem to be constantly getting lowered and high grades are far more easily come by than when I was at school. You then have young people coming into the workforce who think they're highly qualified but can barely write two decent sentences. I find that a bit depressing.

I also think, with younger children, that treats and outings aren't the special occasions they used to be. An offer to take kids to a pantomime or for a meal out isn't met with the same excitement as it used to be when I was small.

What I do think has definitely changed for the worse is the complete lack of respect that a lot of children show to adults these days, often backed up by their parents. I would really like to see the clock turned back a bit in that regard.

I am 52. I can remember complaining to my mum as a child that other girls in my ballet class got rewards for passing their exams - big stuff like bikes and I didn't. Classmates also got money for passing their O levels.

My parents were mean didn't hold with any of that, and said that the pass was reward in itself. I did the same with my own DCs. It was ever thus.

There are plenty of spoilt entitled narcissistic people posting on here, so I guess you're at least one generation too late.

Mine have a good life. They have their own bedroom I had to share, not DH though.
They also have more clothes and gadgets than we did and have travelled the world with us and live in a very nice house. But those were our choices to spend our money on, DC have never demanded such things.

They both have paper rounds and DS 15 has just handed out his CV in town and secured a p/time summer job. They both save up for stuff they particularly want, I don't consider that spoiled/entitled. They also help around the house.

It's easy for people with small DC to see older DC/teens with "everything" how do you know they haven't saved up or used birthday/Christmas money for these things?

Photo booths were the "selfies" of our era and it didn't make us any more self obsessed than any other teenagers past, present and future.