Are we raising a generation of spoilt, entitled narcissistic children?!

[Middleriddle]

Following on from the school reports on Facebook post, I have grave concerns about this future generation of children currently being raised in a world of social media and with an amazing sense of entitlement (materially and emotionally and socially).

Will they expect to have and do everything with minimal effort because everything has been provided for them? Parents meeting their every need and buying anything they want. iPhones by age 10 etc. Constant selfies and too much self-absorption will make them selfish and narcissistic. Has there been any research yet on this?

I am really concerned for the future. I am a parent of 2 small children and as yet as they are so small, we are still in a bubble. How do I protect them but not make them too different and out of sync with their friends?

Historical quotes about wayward youth.

proto-knowledge.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/what-is-wrong-with-young-people-today.html

Parents have always worried about the younger generation

No Lucy it's not because the tories have redefined what child poverty is:
www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/23/child-poverty-measures-figures-first-rise-in-decade
Sorry for thread hijack

I have a 16 & 14 year old , they are growing up in their time using the social media etc that you worry about . They and there peers are far from what you describe .

They have an incredible amount of pressure to achieve at school and work hard accordingly , they have part time jobs to buy the extras they want, the 16 year old is much more aware ( and cares hugely ) about world issues and politics, that I would have had no awareness of at her age ( largely due to the easy access to media) .
Admittedly the selfie thing is slightly annoying ( though less of an issue as they get older) and it would be good if they got on with chores I give them without complaining for once but hey I remember being the same at that age .

So YABU to think that young people are turning out like you describe . My DD & DS are great and so are most if their friends .

I think we will look bad and realise social media was the platform for mental health and self esteem problems. Even if you do not expose them others do, I know my teenagers use to practise the photo pose because cameras are everywhere. DS1 went through acne it was shit when I was a teenager but at least I could avoid cameras. I do live in a slightly affluent area and I was shocked how little my DC knew about poverty in this country or the cost of living and I blame myself for that as I was over compensating for my childhood. School report I would probably give myself a C+ and could do better.

"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise."
Socrates

Look back not look bad.

Young people can receive lots of luxury items, have a lovely life and not grow up be spoiled, entitled and narcissistic. I know this because my 2 DD's (aged 17 and 22) have always been given things like - Apple products (many), nice clothes, cars etc. Both are very grateful for these things and are also hardworking, polite and thoughtful young people.

They have never had any expectation that we will buy them these things and would never dream of asking for them.

Not sure about the selfie thing. I think both are sort of past that stage.

You were just as spoilt and narcissistic, you just don't remember. Looking at the youth and feeling they are different is just a sign of getting old. They are different, because they grew up in different times and you are becoming part of the past. It's a scary reminder of your own mortality.

Agree Op I'm not on FB but a friend was showing me in horror ....her daughters friends on a school trip. Pouting into their selfie sticks posting literally tens of photos.

They are 12

I'm sure people of your parents generation had similar concerns about your generation!

As said each generation throws up its own challenges.

Also generally some things will get improve, while other problems arise and have to be mitigated for. Individually and collectively we over/correct for whatever we see as past generations failures.

And then within generations there are individuals. Narcissism wasn't invented by fb, for instance. Some people will overindulge children, some will be too authoritarian, some children will want for nothing, some will have very little, some will live vicariously through their children, etc etc.

No.

Mine are older now; 20, 18 and 15 and I certainly didn't give them everything handed on a plate but did always try to ensure they had as much as we could afford to give them, I make no apologies for that.

As teenagers , the older two got jobs at 16 whilst studying for a levels; bought themselves the stuff they wanted and saved for holidays, festivals etc.

So far there's no sign if narcissism.

From what I observe, yes, and their unrealistic expectations and bad behaviour go unchecked, leaving the children (and those around them) vulnerable to immense rage when they are eventually thwarted by forces they can't manipulate.

It probably means they will get to the same place by about 40 as people used to reach by 21.

I don't worry so much about the material side of things as DH and I can take firm charge of that. Has the potential for good learning opportunities too - teaching DC they have to earn the things they want in life, either by saving money or through hard work. The social media narcissism, selfie crazes, appalling "celebrity" role models terrifies me though, because DC will be exposed to that all the time and then the peer pressure that will come from that. I am so glad I didn't have to grow up surrounded by it all but have no real idea how to protect my DC from the damage it can cause

Some overindulge and raise self centred kids, we don't. My 2 girls - 12 and 14 are currently walking our neighbour's dog for her since she broke her hip last month. For nothing but the warm glow given when a job that needs doing gets done. DD14 raises money for her own gadgets by teaching piano/keyboards/music theory - she even spoke to the tax man herself...

Some of us don't "indulge" kids, providing everything for them - because we know that our actual job as parents is to raise them to be functioning adults - hardworking and polite, thinking of others.

Children had mental health issues/ confidence issues/ crisis' when I was at school. It just wasn't classified as anythinge. Just that there were a bit odd. Which was awful. A few people I went to school with have since committee suicide. Looking back one clearly was asd, one possible had severe mental health issues. As an adult I can see it. As a child I had no clue. And that's growing up with a mother who had mental health issues. People are more aware now. We aren't better at treating it, but I believe my class mates would now have been identified as need additional help.

I had a friend who was destroyed by her acne. Her confidence and self worth all dissappeared. It was painful to see.

All in the days before the Internet.

I work in HE and see (I think) the very best of many young people.

I also see some pretty rubbish behaviour. The rubbish remains marginal overall but has been increasing in recent years. For example, talking to students at Open Days and they get their phones out and start doing whatever in the middle of a coversation. I recall one incident when Mum and Dad looked horribly embarrassed at similar behaviour...said absolutely nothing though.

That said, with technology, I see them behaving the same with each other. So I guess it might not be percived as "rude". Maybe the "rules" of social engagement have changed?

What bothers me more is the way staff are spoken to, and this has definately increased in recent years. Administrative staff are a particular target - being called "thick", "retadarded" a "moron" etc...It is usually when the student doesn't get what they want. We have also had a lot of "My mum/dad told me that I am paying x amount in fees and I should get what I want" (which is interesting given that most will not have actually paid anything in tuition fees and many will never pay those loans back). A number of individuals then take to social media and abuse the institution/staff. It is horrible.

I do think captalism has changed society quite profoundly though - especially in the last 50 years. In my sector, the commodification of education has produced the view that it is a product to be bought. This includes people - some students seem to think they own me and my time 24/7.

The internet, social media etc, it's changed everything.

No, it hasn't.

Antibiotics - they really changed childhood beyond recognition. Gave children and their parents a sense of entitlement to living to adulthood.

Arguably the welfare state and post-war settlement changed everything for the young people of that generation - gave them a genuine sense of entitlement to a decent life even if they were from a poor family.

But now we don't want young people to feel entitled to any of that. So they will be forced to pay tax on lower wages for benefits they are not allowed to claim

I think they will become angry about what their parents' and grandparents' generations have inflicted on them out of greed under the pretext of not inflicting debt on the young (what a fucking joke that is! You have to be very determined to see what suits you to buy into that one.)

Hopefully it will be a righteous anger that will sweep away the lazy, spiteful, greedy, self-serving, vindictive politics of today and help us return to being a society that recognises our fundamental interdependence.

My son has an iPhone and I'm mystified as to how that in itself makes him spoilt.

Do you think that part of it is that we're also hearing more from and about young people these days through things like social media? They're more visible and to some extent powerful then they ever have been. Every thought, every moment tweeted and captured, scrutinised by marketeers or journalists in random contexts, however fleeting and not part of who they are aged 20+? I think young people have always been selfish to some extent, it's part of growing up, becoming self aware and hopefully socially conscious.

That isn't to say that social media doesn't shape the very behaviour we see because there's the group mentality - but I wonder if a young Jane Austen would have sounded just as self absorbed and selfish aged 12 if you'd heard her every passing thought?

Congratulations OP, you are now officially an old Gimmer!
(moves up to make space on the bench)

I also see some pretty rubbish behaviour. The rubbish remains marginal overall but has been increasing in recent years. For example, talking to students at Open Days and they get their phones out and start doing whatever in the middle of a coversation. I recall one incident when Mum and Dad looked horribly embarrassed at similar behaviour...said absolutely nothing though.

10-15 years ago I got quite annoyed when I was out with a friend and she took a call from her mum (not an emergency they chatted several times a day). Now everyone seems to take their phones out and check them when out with friends, including myself. These are 40 year olds, not the children of 40 year olds.

Every generation has been in a state of moral panic about the youth of today.

I have just spent three years at uni with a bunch of 18-25 year old's and for some of them, some of what what you have said op holds completely true, particularly this Will they expect to have and do everything with minimal effort because everything has been provided for them.

I have sat with them as they tantrumed (and I do mean tantrumed like a 2 year old), over being expected to meet deadlines, having to do extra work, the canteen running out of what they were expecting for lunch, being asked for money to go on trips, oh god the list would be endless. Genuinely horrified and outraged that stuff is expected of them, that they had responsibilities that no-one but them was accountable for, and that there were no exceptions or ways to get out of it.

The best was that Daddy was refusing to bankroll a HOUSE (as in buy one outright) on completion of her degree, where on earth would she live?

Nothing seems to be experienced first hand, just filmed for later perusal and nothing really happened until it has been instagrammed.

Mobile's are constantly scrolled though, through every conversation, with other students, lecturers, everywhere, All. The. Time.

Total inability to concentrate.

Huge lack of connection with the wider world, ('but how does this affect me?').

Oh and also not being able to go for a drink after a long day because their phone was out of charge wtaf? Not for any kind of emergency, just, you know, incase. This happened several times with different people, though once it was rectified by nipping to the apple stone to buy a new charger and then plugging the phone in in the pub.

That said a proportion of them were not like that at all and were how I would expect students to be, engaged, passionate, wanting to change the world and realising that that would start with a change in them, not by 'liking' something on facebook, feck all interest in phones or selfies or self absorption.

Sorry long and ranty, maybe I needed to get that off my chest after three years

Higher education is now a product to be bought. I imagine it raises expectations of the people doing the buying. It does not excuse rude behaviour, of course.