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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CSA payments and stuff

20 replies

ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 12:58

my ex told me csa said he has to pay 173 a month. for his son. so ex said thats not enough hes willing to give me 200 a month if i allow him to pay me direct. i say i will think about it. i get call from CSA this morning hes been asked to pay 250 a month by CSA not 173. Anyway now ex is being nice says he will pay 250 a month and if the baby needs anything let him know...baby might need a cot. he told me to pick one and he will pay for it.

im thinking. if i did that would i be out of order as the 250 a month is meant to pay for the babys needs? but part of me thinks sod it you have not paid for anything for 3 months. thats as in i did not apply for csa until recently not that hes missed out on paying the maintinece for 3 months. and if baby does not need a cot can i think of something else he might need. reason he might not need cot is i have one.but i lost the screws might be able to find screws.

as i write this i think ibu...but after all the messing about im in bitch mode

OP posts:
TheAnswerIsYes · 10/07/2015 14:44

Sorry, I don't understand what is going on. What is the problem?

Sweetpea15 · 10/07/2015 15:29

So you think him buying a cot and paying maintenance is asking too much? Have I understood that correctly?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 15:38

yes sweet im torn between

OP posts:
inchoccyheaven · 10/07/2015 16:13

He first of all tried to get out of paying what he had been calculated to pay and pretended he was being more generous when he was actually willing to under pay your dc. He offers to buy you a cot or something your dc needs, I would be suspicious that he would back out of that too. Take the maintenance and the extra because although your dc might not be costing you too much at the moment, there will be times when you will have plenty of expenditure and children don't get cheaper as they get older.
Save the money if don't need to rely on it yet, but definitely take it and don't close your csa claim because if he messes you about you will have to go through whole process again.

Bogeyface · 10/07/2015 16:23

Take whatever he is offering now, because the day may well come when he decides that actually he isnt going to pay anything. He has already tried to diddle you on the amount, so I wouldnt be at all surprised if he starting farting about with actually paying anything at all.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 16:23

yes heaven he even called himself a mug for paying for him. then blocked me. then unblocked me again. so yes defo keeping it open with csa. if he dont pay or gets the grump he will just block me

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 10/07/2015 16:33

Just go through the CSA

He is not reliable enough to trust that he will give you money

isupposeitsverynice · 10/07/2015 16:36

I agree, just let the CSA handle it all. Better that way. If he's also offering extra for baby bits by all means take it (I bet that offer disappears once the CSA is collecting maintenance from him though)

Snozberry · 10/07/2015 16:39

Take everything extra he offers and don't feel bad about it for a second. But I agree with going through the CSA for maintenance payments

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 16:40

laurie i asked him to pay for his son..he ignored me and blocked me. i told him if he did not reply to me i would go csa. gave him few chances to respond then as soon as csa contacts me he suddenley wants to pay direct. CSA have told me im not allowed to refuse him paying direct. if/when he messes up they will take over then...he had no intention of paying or i would not have had to go csa is the start!

OP posts:
ASettlerOfCatan · 10/07/2015 16:42

Unless you are being paid regularly and reliably I would always recommend csa to protect yourself and your child. Take any extras he offers as well

LaurieFairyCake · 10/07/2015 16:48

He has already messed it up by not paying for 3 months? Confused

So tell the CSa that?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 16:51

laurie he did not mess up 3 months pay i have only just claimed

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 10/07/2015 16:54

Yes, you've just claimed but you said in your OP you did that because he hadn't paid you for 3 months Confused

Has he now caught up those payments?

LaurieFairyCake · 10/07/2015 16:55

If he's up to date with payments then it's totally up to you whether you trust him Smile

CatMilkMan · 10/07/2015 16:56

From what you have said I would do everything through the csa for now, I wouldn't trust him but if he keeps paying through csa and genuinely keeps offering to help financially take whatever he will give you.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 17:00

Its csa that contacted him because he refused to pay for his son...CSA have told me i have to give him a chance to pay himself.its only if he messes up they will take over payments.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/07/2015 17:24

dont trust him at all but i have no choice until he messes up!! never mind...

im trying to think what i need for baby :/

OP posts:
inchoccyheaven · 11/07/2015 11:18

It's a rubbish system and if you have to get csa to collect payments he has to pay an extra 20% I think in fees and you will have a few % deducted as well. Give ex your bank account details to set up standing order and a deadline to do it. I can't remember what the time limit is for him not to pay before csa will get back involved but find that out and make sure you contact them if he messes you about.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 11/07/2015 11:50

done all that..got to wait few weeks now see if he does it wont hold my breath. he probs wont pay...block me and move house

OP posts:
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