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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because everyone loves a wedding thread....

82 replies

choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 08:56

I went on a hen do a few weeks ago to Spain. The only people who could attend were the bride, mother of bride, mother of groom, myself and one other woman. So not even any of the bridesmaids/sister/best friend etc.

The other woman was miffed (but didn't make this known to the bride) as she received her invite on the hen do which was only to the evening. She thought that seeing as she was one of the few who made an effort to attend the hen do abroad, it was a bit off to invite her only to the evening.

I assume bride wanted to keep numbers down as they are friends and get on well from what I saw on holiday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:49

The bride said she had to wait for the evening invites to be printed....I am assuming she hadn't saw the other woman until the hen do so just brought it along.

OP posts:
Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:50

We had all been given 'save the date' cards the year before....the actual invitations were given a few weeks before the wedding,

OP posts:
Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:52

It wasn't mentioned at the wedding. We just chatted normally. I didn't want to get to involved as I didn't actually know the friend until I met her in Spain.

OP posts:
FruChristerOla · 10/07/2015 09:57

Well, thanks to Tidy's wedding threads last Summer, we've discovered that Save The Date cards don't automatically mean an invitation will follow Hmm Shock

I also know someone IRL who received a STD card and subsequently no wedding invitation.

Meemoll · 10/07/2015 09:59

Crikey. That is rude. Come on my hen do, then I'll tell you that you are not one of my a-list friends!

YouMakeMyDreams · 10/07/2015 09:59

I'm not entirely sure if there is a general etiquette on hen do invitations but around here the people you invite on your hen do are people invited to the whole day as a rule. If you have a booked meal or experience day it's those people who come along but if you are meeting in a bar or club later evening guests, school mum friends etc often pile in as well if they want buy know they aren't whole day guests or invited at all but want to wish you well and have a piss up.

YouMakeMyDreams · 10/07/2015 10:00

So she received a save the date and only an evening invitation Shock that makes it worse.

Only1scoop · 10/07/2015 10:01

I thought it was at the wedding she 'expressed to me she was dissapointed'?

What did she say?

AnnPerkins · 10/07/2015 10:02

So this woman was deemed a good enough friend by the bride to be asked to spend several hundred pounds on a hen do abroad, but not good enough for the bride to spend £100 on her as a guest at her wedding? But she wasn't to know this it until it was too late to change her mind?

I think couples should be made to do a course when they get engaged these days - to learn basic kindness to fellow humans, never mind the finer points of social etiquette Hmm

emms1981 · 10/07/2015 10:06

We know a couple who live in Scotland. We live in n. Devon. He used to live here but moved there, met her fell in love. He brought her round to meet us and our son and we hit it off. When they were planning wedding they said we would be invited but when it actually came to it I was invited to hen do and dh and I just the reception so we declined.

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 10:06

No - on the hen do she said she was disappointed. And she said just that really that she had gone to the effort and expense of the hen do, and thought she should be invited to all day.

OP posts:
AlisonBlunderland · 10/07/2015 10:07

Surely people give out invites well before the hen do?

Invites... wedding date minus 4-6 weeks minimum
Hen do... few weeks before wedding

Sloughcooker · 10/07/2015 10:09

Hang on, so she hadn't actually had a wedding invitation by the time the hen do arrangements were made? And she didn't think it was odd? Did the bride actually ask her on the hen do, or did she invite herself?

I mean, I still think the bride's being U, but it's quite an odd situation - I can't imagine spending all that money on a Spanish hen do unless I'd got an invitation to the whole thing. Is the bride actually friends with this person, or was this an elaborate and desperate attempt to shake her off??

PoppyBlossom · 10/07/2015 10:09

Was it a big wedding? Why didn't any of the bridesmaids turn up on her hen?

Sloughcooker · 10/07/2015 10:12

I know there's probably a very mundane explanation, but my imagination is running riot at the possible reasons for a hen do boycotted by all the bridesmaids, the bride's best friends, bride's sister, etc, and yet attended by both mothers and a woman not even invited to the wedding...

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 10:25

The bride had told the woman that there was some delay the printers for her invitation. There was true (as bride had told me herself) but only for the evening invitations. So they were sent/received later than the all day ones. Obviously the bride did not specify that she was waiting for only the evening invitations to her - hence her assuming she would be coming all day.

One bridesmaid was pregnant, the other two have toddlers, and other friends couldn't afford it

OP posts:
FruChristerOla · 10/07/2015 10:34

So the bride was being a bit sneaky. She knew her bridesmaids/sisters/other friends couldn't go to the hen. It was just her mum, the groom's mum, choccy and other friend. If she'd told the other friend she was only invited to the evening do, she (OF) would probably have declined the hen too - so the bride didn't tell her just to keep the numbers up at the hen?

QueenMas · 10/07/2015 10:35

I'm going to go against the grain here and say it wouldn't bother me.

I've been on a couple of hen do's where I've only been invited to the evening reception. I appreciate the cost of weddings, and if people have large families in particular, they take priority regarding the ceremony etc. Fair enough.

DP has actually just got back from a stag do in Spain, we are only going to the evening part of that wedding too. Groom has a huge Irish family and they don't have the funds to accommodate hundreds of people during the day.

I'm happy to attend both. They are our FRIENDS and I'm understanding to their limitations. I'm chuffed to be a part of their day, even if it is just the evening!

daisywellies · 10/07/2015 10:41

The bride sounds like a bellend.

FruChristerOla · 10/07/2015 10:45

Queen, that's fair enough - but you already knew/know what your status was/is as guests at those weddings and you made your decisions about attending the hen/stag dos based on that.

This poor woman, presumably, assumed she was going to be an all day guest, but only discovered her B list status once she was already on the hen .... in Spain.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 10/07/2015 10:48

I also know someone IRL who received a STD card and subsequently no wedding invitation.

This happened to me, sort of. I was sent a STD, which they even chased me up about a confirmation I'd received and was planning to attend. I then didn't receive an invitation when the rest were sent out to mutual friends. There's no obvious reason for this - I haven't moved, she has my address and many ways of contacting me, and nothing "happened" between us in the interim between STD and invitation.

I received an invitation at least a month later, after the RSVP date, and only after it had become common knowledge within our friendship group that I hadn't been invited - I strongly suspect that it was sent after mutual friends queried it, so she didn't look so rude. If it were an honest mistake / lost in post scenario, I'd have expected a note, or some form of contact with it. Nichts. Thus I've ignored it, and dismissed the "friendship" entirely.

NB: Save the date. STD. In my head, this is a sexually transmitted disease Grin

FruChristerOla · 10/07/2015 10:51

I know, Diseases, but it was just quicker to type STD the second time Grin

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 10/07/2015 10:56

I love it, Fru. I've decided weddings are like STDs. Or at least tertiary stage syphilis - they certainly make some people who have them act irrationally Wink

itsmine · 10/07/2015 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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