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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because everyone loves a wedding thread....

82 replies

choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 08:56

I went on a hen do a few weeks ago to Spain. The only people who could attend were the bride, mother of bride, mother of groom, myself and one other woman. So not even any of the bridesmaids/sister/best friend etc.

The other woman was miffed (but didn't make this known to the bride) as she received her invite on the hen do which was only to the evening. She thought that seeing as she was one of the few who made an effort to attend the hen do abroad, it was a bit off to invite her only to the evening.

I assume bride wanted to keep numbers down as they are friends and get on well from what I saw on holiday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
nilbyname · 10/07/2015 09:22

Damn types

One-won

Ride- rude

ChwatFeechers · 10/07/2015 09:25

Bride is BU!
Feel a little sorry for the friend.

CrystalHaze · 10/07/2015 09:25

The bride is an arse. Firstly, for having a hen thing abroad (why do people do that? In fact why do people have 'hen dos' full stop? Even the phrase 'hen do' is nauseating), and secondly for treating someone who had travelled abroad on her behalf as a second-tier guest.

DonnaLyman · 10/07/2015 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 10/07/2015 09:27

So.. This woman is good enough friends to be invited on an expensive trip abroad, but not enough to come to the important part of the wedding?
Eh?
Bride is bu in my opinion.

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:27

Right I am on my laptop now...so easier to make sense!

Only myself and one other woman plus the two mothers on the hen do in Spain.

Wedding is in the UK

Other woman was one of very two friends - including myself (not even bridesmaids, sisters, best friends etc) who had taken the time and expense to attend the hen do abroad.

She was given her invite on the hen do - she was only invited to the evening. Obviously myself, and the two mothers coming all day.

Hope that clarifies!! Sorry again.

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 10/07/2015 09:30

If I was the 'evening only' lady is not go to the wedding. And I'd tell bride exactly why.

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:30

To be honest I would be upset too if I was her. It felt really awkward, especially as I had been given my all day invite the week before.

OP posts:
DonnaLyman · 10/07/2015 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sloughcooker · 10/07/2015 09:33

Bride is being U, and obviously spent her time at primary school handing out party invitations in the playground with an audience, along with long X Factor style tension pauses.

Or she has the emotional intelligence of a penguin bollard.

Timetodrive · 10/07/2015 09:34

I have been on hen nights with no wedding invite but are local and very cheap (piss up), if you invite to a hen do that involves cost, travel and time I would be expecting an invitation or why the hell do they wast me to attend the bloody hen do. I have never had a hen invite before a wedding invite.

Only1scoop · 10/07/2015 09:34

So you had been previously given your invite.

Rels obviously invited.

So the bride didn't give out 'invitations'

Just one invite to her?

knittingbat · 10/07/2015 09:34

That is spectacularly rude! Horrifying. You'd think that even if originally she had b-listed her, once she'd realised friend was one of the only ones making it to the hen (how was the hen, btw, sounds bizarre?) she would swiftly rearrange things to find space for her at the wedding.

It's never going to be anything other than crushing to have to think 'I think so highly of you that I come to this small, expensive hen far away - you think so highly of me in return that I'm not even invited to the whole wedding'.

I had very complicated wedding so I do know it can be difficult, but ffs, it's always possible to avoid embarrassments like these, WHY do brides get so oblivious? It always really worries me because I start to think 'well if XX friend-who-is-a-bride, normally capable, professional, sensitive person, has become such a mentalist and is apparently unaware of it, maybe I WAS a mentalist too and no one told me!'

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:37

Sorry to drip feed, but the wedding was last week, and the friend attended the evening. She just expressed to me she was disappointed.

I was just discussing it with my partner - and it occurred to me to see what you lot thought about it...

OP posts:
hackmum · 10/07/2015 09:37

The bride sounds extremely bad-mannered and rather full of herself.

For a start, who has their hen-dos in Spain? Hugely expensive, so most people aren't going to make the effort. Imagine making that effort only to discover you're not invited to the actual wedding, just the evening party. I would be mightily hacked off. Clearly the bride is not very good at working out who her real friends are.

BringMeTea · 10/07/2015 09:37

Breathtakingly rude. At least she knows now though. Cancel all the expense that might have been incurred. People are weird.

BringMeTea · 10/07/2015 09:38

Oh. She still went!!! Why?!

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:39

Yes sorry only this woman was given her invite on the hen do. Sorry if that was unclear...I did say 'she received her invite'

OP posts:
Collaborate · 10/07/2015 09:41

Sounds like she wasn't in line for an invite at all before she came to the hen do. Invites are given out normally far earlier than that.

SuperFlyHigh · 10/07/2015 09:44

yes bride is being VABU.

She should have at least invited the friend to the whole day not just evening. I'd be rethinking this friendship myself.

and to give out invites on the hen do what in the actual what?! I can see from the friend's point of view why did she bother coming to the hen do and also what sort of level friend she actually is to the bride.

rude rude rude

Only1scoop · 10/07/2015 09:45

'We received our invitations on the actual hen do'

This was your second post

FruChristerOla · 10/07/2015 09:45

I thought wedding invitations were sent out well in advance of the wedding? And that hen/stag dos take place quite close to the wedding? So that by the time you're invited to the hen do, you already know you're going to the wedding - whether it be for the whole day or just the evening.

Personally, I probably wouldn't go on a hen do at all if I hadn't had a wedding invitation, but maybe the friend just assumed that her being invited to the hen do - abroad, for an entire weekend - automatically made her an all day guest at the wedding.

But I agree the bride was totally U.

mewkins · 10/07/2015 09:45

Unless it's a tiny wedding with 12 guests and a big evening party, of course the other woman should be invited for the whole day. She made all that effort for her friend!

Original poster
choccywoccywoowah · 10/07/2015 09:46

Sorry, this woman received her invite on the hen do...my first post was correct.

OP posts:
derxa · 10/07/2015 09:47

Tell us details of the wedding OP. I want to know. What did you say to this poor 'friend'?

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