To find people who insert themselves at the centre of other's dramas and tragedies really annoying

[daisywellies]

I've a colleague who does this all the time. When her SIL's mum died she carried on as if she was nearest and dearest next of kin; when another colleague's father was sadly killed in a car accident she just kept banging on and on about how shocked and shaken she was at the news, and even had family members ringing her to see if she was alright; and for the past week she has been going on about how it 'could have been me' re the 7/7 bombs because she once had a part time job for about two months that involved getting a tube at Edgeware Road - several years before the bombings I might add.

AIBU to think some people are self absorbed drama queens who see themselves in a starring role in every tragedy, even when it has little or nothing to do with them?

God silly bitch.

Think they have always been around but with the internet and fb it feeds them and allows them a platform.

The most I hate are complete strangers who lay flowers at some awful tragedy like a child's murder and take their child with them with a teddy or stuff. WTAF would any parent do that?

I have a relative like this. Fb n social media is a dream for these people. When my Dad died recently constant attention seeking statuses saying how distraught she was n how she felt for my family.
All bs - it all became about her. The funeral was a nightmare with her trying to outcry everyone. Noticed by everyone and a couple of people (including her brother) told her to politely put a sock in it - it wasn't her day. She also loves gossiping about people yet is very guarded about herself. When she starts now instead of getting annoyed I just ask her a very personal question back instead - only way to shut her up.

Glad this thread has been started, have never come across this before last week.

A lovely friend and ex colleague of mine passed away due to a 2 year illness. It was terminal and we had all known it was coming. One of our colleagues who had left a few years ago found out through Facebook. Next thing she puts on statuses about how devastated she is blah blah blah and her timeline fills up with the "so sorry for your loss Hun" type comments. What bugged me is she wasn't even Facebook friends with the woman that died, had never spoke to her in all the years since she had left, had to ask me what she does of (terminal illness of 2 years). She milked it for days going on about funeral etc then didn't even come to funeral. So annoying to those of us who were close to the lady in question and were respectful and caring to watch this numpty act like her own mum had just died when she wasn't even friends with her in the first place. Rant over sorry it has bugged me all week!

I know it sounds awful, but I often think that what these people need is a bloody good tragedy in their own life. Then they'd realise it's not like a soap opera with the affected family at the centre of a load of drama and attention for a couple of weeks before their normal life resumes; but a horrible time of worry, anxiety, misery, grief and heartache that continues long after the attention and initial fuss has died down and can change your outlook on life forever.

I read an account by Carole radziwill who was married to JFK 's cousin, of how the whole Kennedy family was perpetually surrounded by what she called 'tragedy whores.' They all came out of the woodwork for each Kennedy tragedy.

I think it's wonderful to sympathise with those who are suffering and to be able to offer practical help and a listening ear. Too much empathy can be nauseating. If someone is in pain, the last thing they need to do is have to offer support to someone suffering from proxy-pain.

"Tragedy whores don't feel the foundation break apart beneath their feet- the reeling blast of emptiness, though to watch them you might think so. They're voyeurs. They feed like coffin flies on drama, embroiled in virtual grief and the illusion of heartbreak. They all have stories they want to tell, insist on telling, proclaiming their link to tragedy. Emotional rubberneckers." Carole Radziwill

Thanks derxa

Daisy Yy! Thinking about it the ones I know have never experienced real misfortune or tragedy themselves. Someone who used to be first in the queue for hand wringing over things that were nothing to do with her, did go through something terrible and the grief wanking stopped. It all turned out ok but the experience of actual emotional and mental pain seemed to make her realise it's not, as you describe, like a soap opera, and she became a much nicer person to be around.

^not that I'm wishing any pain and grief on anyone at all.

My sil does this, it's ridiculous. Dh lost a close friend and sil rang up in tears, she had never even met the man. He calls her a grief thief.

I got flamed on here a while back for using the term grief wankers

My mother is one.

Downtown Maybe that's where I first heard/saw it. Seems a very appropriate expression to me.

so it sounds like most of us know a grief hoover

I got warned by MN for calling a whole thread of posters 'grief wankers'. Can't remember if it was Jade Goody's death or some admittedly ghastly murder of a child, but the ullulating and stupidity over someone none of these posters had ever met were fairly stomach-turning.