To find people who insert themselves at the centre of other's dramas and tragedies really annoying

[daisywellies]

I've a colleague who does this all the time. When her SIL's mum died she carried on as if she was nearest and dearest next of kin; when another colleague's father was sadly killed in a car accident she just kept banging on and on about how shocked and shaken she was at the news, and even had family members ringing her to see if she was alright; and for the past week she has been going on about how it 'could have been me' re the 7/7 bombs because she once had a part time job for about two months that involved getting a tube at Edgeware Road - several years before the bombings I might add.

AIBU to think some people are self absorbed drama queens who see themselves in a starring role in every tragedy, even when it has little or nothing to do with them?

[derxa]

So many awful stories here and my best wishes to anyone who has suffered from these emotional vampires. I think the style of reporting on the news when a tragedy occurs contributes.

[ollieplimsoles]

My Mil...

She knows everyones business in the office she works at and she is full of stories about all their terrible lives when we go round.

Someone's husband has cancer- shes convinced shes going to get it and how awful it would be for DH

Someone is pregnant and ill in hospital- oh how awful for the family, oh im so worried about her, this could happen to you if you carry on this 'home birth' business..

So theres the sucking of someone else's misery (which I'm convinced is what sustains her) with a nice healthy dose of guilt for those listening to her.

[redshoeblueshoe]

Ruled and Imperial I unfortunately know a couple of people like this. One was a colleague - if she heard about a death through work she would immediately ring the relative and go on and on about death and when a famous person - who she had never met - died - she took a whole fucking week off as she was so traumatised.
A relative worked in a shop and a person she served once died - cue you have no idea how upset I am, he was wonderful plus all the FB messages in the real world the man was a bastard

[SolidGoldBrass]

I know that sometimes the death of a stranger/acquaintance/celebrity can be unexpectedly upsetting - perhaps it reminds you of a bereavement or a near-miss of your own. But what you do in those circumstances is lean on a trusted friend/family member rather than barging in on people who are the ones it's actually happening to.

[ihavenonameonhere]

Oh god I worked with one of them.

We had a woman in another office die, was very sad but only a couple of people in our office knew her. One of these people was NOT my boss. But she made it all about her, spent the day going on and on about how they had once said they would go for a coffee and now it would never happen.

The person who was friends with her ended up having to comfort my boss!

My Grandmother is the same too, she is a total narsasist and nothing would make it clearer than when my Dad had cancer. He had a very positive outlook (and is now nearly 5 years cancer free) and we were all staying positive, especially round him. But not her, no she called him every night crying about her baby boy (he is in his 60s) and how she couldnt cope with the thought of him dying. My Dad had to call his sister and beg her to try and persuade my Grandmother to stop ringing like this as it was getting him down so much.

[Indantherene]

My mother does this . When I was dx with cancer she was hysterical. She told everyone she met about it (hadn't occurred to me to ask her not to), and will say things like so-n-so always asks after you - I don't know any of these people.

I think she gives them the impression that she is giving me loads of support, but actually she was the one who fell to pieces and wasn't much use. It's all about her DD having cancer.

[MaizieDaiziesxx]

Ugh I know several of these! On the day of the 7/7 bombings I got so many text messages from family members, who I hadn't spoken to in 10 years in some cases, asking where I was and 'u ok hun?'.. soon as I said I was fine I didn't get a single text message back! Anything to get even a tenuous link to the drama...

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

Isn't it called Conspicuous Grief?

There's been a few actors whose deaths upset me (Christopher Lee and Rik Mayall - spent my teens watching those two) but I didn't sit crying and shaking over it.

Did post my favourite pictures of them on FB though.

[notquitehuman]

It's 'a cheap holiday in other people's misery' as the Sex Pistols said.

A friend of mine from school sadly lost her young child. Of course, some of the messages on her Facebook were lovely and supportive. However, she's also constantly getting tagged in creepy, overwrought statuses from old school friends who just want it all to be about them. Apparently people she hasn't seen for 15 years and hadn't even met her child were posting all this weird stuff like 'hun she's with the angles now', and she's too polite to tell them to fuck off.

[GloGirl]

I forgot about my grief wanker. 3 facebook status' over a dead dog.

Not her dog, her MILs dog

[TheresACatInMeKitchen]

I have one of these in my (extended related my marriage) family. She is well known for jumping on the grief bandwagon.

I am ashamed to say this but when my nan died last year I deliberately didn't tell her because I couldn't deal with her grief stricken what about me attitude.

When my Granddad died (10 years ago) she was greeting and sobbing all over the place. Saying how devastated she was and how she was going to miss my Granddad so much that she didn't know how she was going to cope without him. At the funeral she was wailing like a fucking banshee, so much so that others commented on her over the top display of grief
The thing was she hadn't seen him for at least 6 years.

My nan has been gone over a year now and I still have no idea whether she knows or not, the last time she saw my nan was at my Granddads funeral and the last time she asked how she was, was 2 and half years ago!!
I'm just waiting to see if my dear old nan is ever mentioned by her again, somehow I doubt it!!

[DandelionDaydream]

GloGirl My grief wanker was totally devastated by the death of my cat!

Posting messages on FB,phoning and texting people for support (she couldn't speak to me on the phone though as she was too choked to speak, you understand!) It affected her so much because she spent a lot of time at my house when she was younger. He was part of her family apparently......but the thing is she doesn't do cats as they need to much attention!!

Oh the irony!!

[patienceisvirtuous]

My ex DP. Total narcissist/generally awful person.

Someone he went to school with died while serving in the military. Exdp was mid 20s when this happened. Grief wanked all over it. It was all about him. Years later, still needing counselling over it. Sharing the story on FB re his 'best friend'. Each anniversary he was solemn and spent the day in mourning.

Shortly before we broke up I saw he had commented on this friend's father's update re the anniversary of his son, commenting that he (exDP) had been for a drink with the son the night before he'd gone away for duty. How he was one of his best friends etc. How he had organised fundraising events in his honour etc. The father had never heard of exDP!! So embarrassing!!

Exdp's DM was a total enabler too.

This type of behaviour was a drop in the ocean where exDP was concerned.

[ashtrayheart]

My exmil is like this. She got banned from visiting by one woman's family because she was so OTT. And for ages she talked about her-friend-Dot-who-is-dying-of-liver-cancer. Never just Dot and she never mentioned her before she was dying

[SusanHollander]

YANBU.

My sister is like this. The whole family get frequent texts to the effect of 'my neighbour's friend's cousin's daughter has been rushed to hospital. Please pray for them. Am in shock.' Etc etc. It's now at a stage where nobody replies and maybe, just maybe, she'll be the hint. It's unlikely though. But if she can't make it about her then she isn't interested....so say one of us has a personal tragedy and she knows she can't 'claim it' then she's not interested and just texts a 'so sad xxx' type message....although I suspect in these situations she then texts another group of people saying she's having a family crisis! The worst thing is she's getting Her kids to be this way too and thinks it's good when they cry their eyes out over the starving Afrcan children or similar. Very warped. Emotional vampire indeed.

I had a colleague whose only Aunt died more than once too but I think in her case it may have been a nasty hangover

[MrsHathaway]

See, I wonder if there's something wrong with me sometimes because I don't respond emotionally to unrelated events (tbh I struggle to react emotionally when they're related until it's absolutely inescapably my business) but if the alternative is a grief wank then alleluia. I can say the right things but I don't feel upset beyond a sort of displeasure with the world at large.

I mean isn't there enough grief and turmoil in one lifetime without borrowing anyone else's?

[LokiBear]

One of my step-cousins announced the death of my uncle on facebook before his children had even been told. He wasn't her uncle, she hadn't seen him in 10 years and didn't come to the funeral. However, she announced his death and informed the world how sad and shocked she was, how she couldn't stop crying etc. She then told me to fuck off when I asked her to remove the post out of respect for his daughters and my mum and all of her 'friends' turned on me too. A grown fucking woman of 33. YANBU, op!

[cheekymonk]

My dr aged 4 is due to have minor op soon. My Mum has asked me not to talk about it to her...

[Owllady]

Emotional vampires
They do my head in :(

[Kardamyli]

So agree with you, you are definitely NBU. I hate me me me type of people. I find them selfish and being in their company for too long is completely draining.

[susurration]

eurgh, YANBU. Its bizarre and weird behaviour. My Grandma is like this, it makes me so mad.

When husband and I were having relationship problems and briefly split, she wailed her heart out. Whilst I had to maintain that I was 'fine' to try and minimise how much she was keening over it. Similar when my Mum had surgery, I was trying my best to look after my two much younger sisters and run the house hold. She insisted on being there to 'help' because she 'just needs to be there'. She did nothing but sit on the sofa for two weeks, drinking tea and talking about how upset she was about my Mum's illness. She also took my bed, so I had to sleep on the sofa. Angry doesn't cover it.

These days I don't ever tell her anything so I don't have to deal with her alongside whatever else is going on.

[Bavmorda]

Someone on my Facebook eulogises EVERY time a celebrity dies. Every single one. And I don't mean just "RIP Patrick Swaze" for example, it's full on "heartbreak", "devastation", endless purple prose about how they were a great father/husband/son and frequent use of their first name, as if said dead celeb and her were on first name terms. It's really embarrassing to read and whenever a famous person's death is announced in the news I always think of her because it's only a short matter of time before she posts about it. I think that's what she wants, actually - she thinks her "audience" are waiting with baited breath for her reaction to the news.

She's another one of the ilk Susan mentions above - "the postman's cousin's ex wife is dying - please think of us all at the difficult time" followed by daily updates, much of it reminding everyone how she's the one holding the situation together and keeping everyone sane, all the while putting her own endless catalogue of problems on the back burner...

[Ruledbycatsandkids6]

I think these people are so shallow that they have no concept or empathy. It's sad really but so bloody annoying and upsetting for the rest of us.

And we all seem to know one.

[redshoeblueshoe]

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