To find people who insert themselves at the centre of other's dramas and tragedies really annoying

[daisywellies]

I've a colleague who does this all the time. When her SIL's mum died she carried on as if she was nearest and dearest next of kin; when another colleague's father was sadly killed in a car accident she just kept banging on and on about how shocked and shaken she was at the news, and even had family members ringing her to see if she was alright; and for the past week she has been going on about how it 'could have been me' re the 7/7 bombs because she once had a part time job for about two months that involved getting a tube at Edgeware Road - several years before the bombings I might add.

AIBU to think some people are self absorbed drama queens who see themselves in a starring role in every tragedy, even when it has little or nothing to do with them?

[SolidGoldBrass]

I got warned by MN for calling a whole thread of posters 'grief wankers'. Can't remember if it was Jade Goody's death or some admittedly ghastly murder of a child, but the ullulating and stupidity over someone none of these posters had ever met were fairly stomach-turning.

[RonaldMcDonald]

so it sounds like most of us know a grief hoover

[Wagglebee]

Downtown Maybe that's where I first heard/saw it. Seems a very appropriate expression to me.

[DowntownFunk]

I got flamed on here a while back for using the term grief wankers

My mother is one.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

My sil does this, it's ridiculous. Dh lost a close friend and sil rang up in tears, she had never even met the man. He calls her a grief thief.

[Wagglebee]

^not that I'm wishing any pain and grief on anyone at all.

[Wagglebee]

Daisy Yy! Thinking about it the ones I know have never experienced real misfortune or tragedy themselves. Someone who used to be first in the queue for hand wringing over things that were nothing to do with her, did go through something terrible and the grief wanking stopped. It all turned out ok but the experience of actual emotional and mental pain seemed to make her realise it's not, as you describe, like a soap opera, and she became a much nicer person to be around.

[saffronwblue]

Thanks derxa

[derxa]

"Tragedy whores don't feel the foundation break apart beneath their feet- the reeling blast of emptiness, though to watch them you might think so. They're voyeurs. They feed like coffin flies on drama, embroiled in virtual grief and the illusion of heartbreak. They all have stories they want to tell, insist on telling, proclaiming their link to tragedy. Emotional rubberneckers." Carole Radziwill

[IrianofWay]

I think it's wonderful to sympathise with those who are suffering and to be able to offer practical help and a listening ear. Too much empathy can be nauseating. If someone is in pain, the last thing they need to do is have to offer support to someone suffering from proxy-pain.

[Handsoffmysweets]

It's just gross, gross, gross and the lowest form of attention seeking. Often these people have nothing going on in their own lives and tragedy brings them all together with something to talk about. I've had a couple of friends get a bit too involved about things are nothing to do with them and have quickly put them in their place with a bit of passive aggressive 'gosh imagine if you actually knew them/were a close relative? I bet those people are devastated'. That tends to me enough to embarrass them into shutting up.

When a relative died a few years ago, a few other ghoulish relatives and friends couldn't get to FB fast enough to post 'tributes'. My Aunt phoned them all up and told them the posts were in bad taste and to take it down immediately as 'he can't fucking read it where is he can he?' Haha priceless!

[saffronwblue]

I read an account by Carole radziwill who was married to JFK 's cousin, of how the whole Kennedy family was perpetually surrounded by what she called 'tragedy whores.' They all came out of the woodwork for each Kennedy tragedy.

[daisywellies]

I know it sounds awful, but I often think that what these people need is a bloody good tragedy in their own life. Then they'd realise it's not like a soap opera with the affected family at the centre of a load of drama and attention for a couple of weeks before their normal life resumes; but a horrible time of worry, anxiety, misery, grief and heartache that continues long after the attention and initial fuss has died down and can change your outlook on life forever.

[Whatutalkinboutwillis]

Glad this thread has been started, have never come across this before last week.

A lovely friend and ex colleague of mine passed away due to a 2 year illness. It was terminal and we had all known it was coming. One of our colleagues who had left a few years ago found out through Facebook. Next thing she puts on statuses about how devastated she is blah blah blah and her timeline fills up with the "so sorry for your loss Hun" type comments. What bugged me is she wasn't even Facebook friends with the woman that died, had never spoke to her in all the years since she had left, had to ask me what she does of (terminal illness of 2 years). She milked it for days going on about funeral etc then didn't even come to funeral. So annoying to those of us who were close to the lady in question and were respectful and caring to watch this numpty act like her own mum had just died when she wasn't even friends with her in the first place. Rant over sorry it has bugged me all week!

[stargazer2030]

I have a relative like this. Fb n social media is a dream for these people. When my Dad died recently constant attention seeking statuses saying how distraught she was n how she felt for my family.
All bs - it all became about her. The funeral was a nightmare with her trying to outcry everyone. Noticed by everyone and a couple of people (including her brother) told her to politely put a sock in it - it wasn't her day. She also loves gossiping about people yet is very guarded about herself. When she starts now instead of getting annoyed I just ask her a very personal question back instead - only way to shut her up.

[Ruledbycatsandkids6]

God silly bitch.

Think they have always been around but with the internet and fb it feeds them and allows them a platform.

The most I hate are complete strangers who lay flowers at some awful tragedy like a child's murder and take their child with them with a teddy or stuff. WTAF would any parent do that?

[redshoeblueshoe]

or two

[Ruledbycatsandkids6]

I think these people are so shallow that they have no concept or empathy. It's sad really but so bloody annoying and upsetting for the rest of us.

And we all seem to know one.

[Bavmorda]

Someone on my Facebook eulogises EVERY time a celebrity dies. Every single one. And I don't mean just "RIP Patrick Swaze" for example, it's full on "heartbreak", "devastation", endless purple prose about how they were a great father/husband/son and frequent use of their first name, as if said dead celeb and her were on first name terms. It's really embarrassing to read and whenever a famous person's death is announced in the news I always think of her because it's only a short matter of time before she posts about it. I think that's what she wants, actually - she thinks her "audience" are waiting with baited breath for her reaction to the news.

She's another one of the ilk Susan mentions above - "the postman's cousin's ex wife is dying - please think of us all at the difficult time" followed by daily updates, much of it reminding everyone how she's the one holding the situation together and keeping everyone sane, all the while putting her own endless catalogue of problems on the back burner...

[susurration]

eurgh, YANBU. Its bizarre and weird behaviour. My Grandma is like this, it makes me so mad.

When husband and I were having relationship problems and briefly split, she wailed her heart out. Whilst I had to maintain that I was 'fine' to try and minimise how much she was keening over it. Similar when my Mum had surgery, I was trying my best to look after my two much younger sisters and run the house hold. She insisted on being there to 'help' because she 'just needs to be there'. She did nothing but sit on the sofa for two weeks, drinking tea and talking about how upset she was about my Mum's illness. She also took my bed, so I had to sleep on the sofa. Angry doesn't cover it.

These days I don't ever tell her anything so I don't have to deal with her alongside whatever else is going on.

[Kardamyli]

So agree with you, you are definitely NBU. I hate me me me type of people. I find them selfish and being in their company for too long is completely draining.

[Owllady]

Emotional vampires
They do my head in :(

[cheekymonk]

My dr aged 4 is due to have minor op soon. My Mum has asked me not to talk about it to her...