To fancy my friend now she has lost weight?

[samotoro]

I am a married man in my late 30's with 1 child of 2 years old. Married for 7 years and with my wife for 16 in total. Been friends with my female friends since uni for about 18 years, she was with her now husband then so nothing every happened between us and I didn't really fancy her just loved her has a friend. Ever since I met her she was always heavy.

Now she has lost a lot of weight and she looks so good, she isn't the sort to act all sexy but she doesn't have to try gorgeous skin, hair and smile and a top personality to go along with her new body.

Its not going to affect my marriage and I'm not going to tell my friend about my new interest in her so this isn't really a "relationship issue" which is why I am posting this here.

Is it so bad that I fancy her like mad now as long as I keep it to myself?

[samotoro]

I am not thinking of acting on my feelings, its a fantasy that is all. As I said before I was a bit upset before about my feelings when I realised they had changed and intensified towards my friend who is probably the only person who I have ever been able to be myself around and feel accepted, I was worried for my marriage and for my friendship. But when I was able to seperate out my love for my friend as a friend and these new feelings of sexual attraction I was able to put it all into perspective.

[BabyFeets]

Nothing wrong with finding someone attractive when you are married just don't ever act on it because you will lose your marriage and your friend

[helenahandbag]

Well, you sound like a prize

Luckily your friend is married to a man who "fancied her like mad" before she lost weight so she doesn't have to waste her time with people like you. I feel bad for your wife.

[LikeABadSethRogenMovie]

Oooh, this is like a Jane Green book!

[samotoro]

My wife is very slim and always has been so her weight is fine, actually my friend is still a fair bit bigger than my wife, she is still very curvy.

Also I did always think my friend was pretty, she was always attractive to me just but it wasn't an intense attraction. It is now.

I guess I wouldn't like to know my wife was writing this but I would never know and neither will she.

[NickiFury]

You just want an excuse to talk about your rather shallow crush.

Bore off.

[AliceAlice1979]

Don't count on your DW never knowing my friend. That's a dangerous assumption to make.

[measles64]

Someone once told me, it is ok to look at the menu as long as you eat at home. I am sure hubby has had his fancies over the years, he has mentioned a few of them.

[BabyFeets]

Op I think you should avoid your friend until you are over your crush

[Gabilan]

I think you're in slightly dodgy territory OP. Not because you have a crush, but because this thread probably counts as mentionitis. I would try to kill the crush off before it really takes hold.

[Theoldcauliflower]

Your wife would be absolutely crushed to read this!
You selfish, selfish man!!

[FarFromAnyRoad]

Oh God you sound like a complete nightmare - shallow, judgey, overly invested in physical appearance and somewhat like a horny adolescent.

Oh - welcome, by the way, to Mumsnet.

[DoraGora]

Don't believe the hype, or type, either the fat or thin one.

[Gruntfuttock]

Bizarre to suddenly see a photo of Joseph Jackson on the thread!

[Dawndonnaagain]

I feel a wee bit sick.

[Wagglebee]

How horrible.

So you're telling a bunch of strangers in a very public place, how much you fancy your friend, how gorgeous and funny and sexy she is. How much you'd like to have sex with her. How wonderful she is. But it's all fine because you're not actually going to do anything physical apart from have a wank about it?

Yeah that's totally fine. You carry on.

[Smellyoulateralligator]

Are you this much of a navel gazer in real life?

So exactly why did you post? Or did you just fancy boring some strangers on the Internet?

[MaxPepsi]

I was prepared to say it will be extra confidence and sense of achievement and success which you will find attractive, however I see it's not that kind of thread.

FWIW, I had the serious hots for my old boss. Didn't when I first knew him but I had a random dream about having sex with him and after that I couldn't look at him without going all queer. Just a crush, which I did happen to mention in passing to my husband as I was properly weirded out that I had dreamt about him in such an intimate way. Had no intention of ever acting on it, but couldn't help fancying him all the same!

[HaleMary]

Listen to yourself, OP. You're essentially saying that only your friend's weight kept her in the safe 'friend zone', and now she's lost her excess weight, suddenly you've mentally switched her from Fat Bird category to Fit Bird category and are troubled because now she's fuckable? Though still 'bigger' than your wife?

Where does your body fit into these categorisations, pray? Honed Adonis?

[LegoComplex]

is it just a physical attraction then i take it?

[LegoComplex]

Where does your body fit into these categorisations, pray? Honed Adonis?

Ha! snort

But yes yabu if you are fantasising about her, thinking of her whilst having sex with your dw, becoming resentful of dw or distracted etc.

[RachelRagged]

So when she was overweight no interest.

Now she is slim , , interest.

OP YABU but you probably know that hence posting here. YANBU speaking of it here but you would be if you left your wife for her .. even if she (the friend) felt the same way .

[Volenflo]

I wonder how you would feel if your wife posted this on mumsnet.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

Well, I don't think it's shallow to have a type. I simply don't fancy obese men for example; no matter how lovely they might be I find the sight of rolls of fat a turn off and I'm very visually stimulated sexually. We can't help who we find sexually attractive. OP isn't going to do anything about it so no problem although no idea why he posted about it