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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

newly discovered inlaws? help and advise so not to bu?

20 replies

pookiesdoodoo · 05/07/2015 16:06

my dh has reconnected with his half siblings. we went down last weekend and were accepted no questions asked.
we want to move out if London and have looked in the last week for jobs there. all kids go to same school live a few streets apart.
I'm an only and my dh an only and is 12 years older than them and shares a father. if that makes sense first met them in his 20s.
they are a very much family first ideology. so us being family is good.
me I'm worried they are my age and a bit younger we all have kids from 4-11. but I have no idea how to act around them. I sil is very much queen bee and she is lovely but I can be a control freak and don't want to piss
her off.
so advice as how to be in a large extended family? and Ainu to be shit scared as I'm nc with all of my family

OP posts:

Teabagbeforemilk · 05/07/2015 16:16

You are thinking of moving to be near them? We're you planning that anyway? Or because they are family?

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 16:20

Goodness. Please tell me you haven't just decided to move there because that's where they are?.... You were always moving there and it's some bizarre coincidence, right?

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 16:22

Omg, no, just seen you have decided this in the last week since meeting them, jobs, schools, the whole caboodle.
Don't.
Being accepted on a weekend visit is a million miles away from crazy stalker family inserting right into the middle of their lives just because a couple of them share a father.

scarletforya · 05/07/2015 16:23

You only met them last week, once?

You want to move on top of them?

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 16:25

You dont know how to act around people? How have you managed to get to adulthood without knowing how to behave? Surely you just be yourself?

Finola1step · 05/07/2015 16:28

I wonder if your nervousness about upsetting them and not knowing how to fit in is actually more to do with the speed of developments. Is everything moving just a bit too quick for your liking?

Original poster

pookiesdoodoo · 05/07/2015 16:31

wanted to move anyway
have been thinking of there or another specific place. good move financially if we can get jobs but easily live on one wage not like London.
I see it as if I moved to where I have family in oz. they're there but we all have lives when they cross its all good?

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 16:34

they're there but we all have lives when they cross its all good?

What do you mean by this?

Teabagbeforemilk · 05/07/2015 16:40

I am sorry I am struggling to understand.

You were planning on moving and happened to want to move to the place they live or one other place. The other place a no longer an option, because the family live in the first place. Even though you don't know if you will get on with them long term, or even have that much to do with them when you do move?

Teabagbeforemilk · 05/07/2015 16:43

Posted too soon.

If you do this (I am not sure it's a great idea tbh) and you have involvement with them. They need to accept things may change slightly and you need to give up some control. But I don't see it as an issue of you aren't going to cross paths with them so much. Your OP doesn't make it seem like you will be living in their pockets.

Is there even room at the school you want for the kids? Or do you kids not go to school yet?

steppemum · 05/07/2015 16:52

I really wouldn't move to their town. Move closer if you want to, the next town over for example, but not right on their doorstep. It will backfire I feel.

BackforGood · 05/07/2015 17:13

Like others, not sure if I've understood properly.

You are moving anyway, but might or might not have been moving to their town?
You've only just met them and all was very pleasant but you don't really know them yet?
You are asking us if it would be a good idea to move to their town?

How big is the town? Would dc all end up at the same school / cubs or brownies / swimming lessons / dance classes / etc. or is it a big enough town that you could live close by but not be in and out each other's houses every day.

Original poster

pookiesdoodoo · 05/07/2015 17:19

there is room at the school.

backstory- didn't want to say straight off but as you've all decided I'm nuts.

my dh dad died last year. he left property to each child. dhs "property" is being let. his dad never gave him anything there is a huge amount of guilt.

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 17:21

Sorry OP i still dont get it and your backstory doesnt really explain anything. Im sorry for your loss though.

Original poster

pookiesdoodoo · 05/07/2015 17:30

we want to leave London . its a city we could live there and never interact with them. we can both get jobs there. we were thinking in the same school catchment area ( its quite big) a chance for us to get to know them without being on top of them.
my dh has lived off and on with them and his step mum for many years around 20-15 years ago.
they are all v nice have lives outside family but are close. we would like to be part of that for the sake of our children so they can get to know their cousins. if it doesn't work out we can go to other place.

OP posts:

Teabagbeforemilk · 05/07/2015 18:16

If it doesn't work out you can move again?

I wouldn't advise keep moving your children's schooling. If you move there and it doesn't work out, it's not that simple to just move again.

I am not sure what dhs guilt and being left a property has to do with anything.

Look like you are going to do this anyway. So I would advise a different school. To give you some space, a catchment area may be large but sometimes not all the kids in the catchment areas get places. You need to slowly build your relationship and everyone will have to give a little.

Olddear · 05/07/2015 18:48

Have you decided this on the basis of a weekend visit? I'm confused......

firesidechat · 05/07/2015 18:50

So your dh was left a property in his father's will and the property is currently let out to tenants. Is that right?

If so, he was left something. He can use the rental income now and at some point sell the property, if he so wishes, when it becomes available.

As for the rest, I think that is a very slim reason to move to this place and could easily backfire. Has he ever met this new found family before?

firesidechat · 05/07/2015 18:53

I was one of those children who had parents with itchy feet - 13 houses in the first 12 years of life. Most of those in different towns. It wasn't great and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

The second thing that occurs is that if I were the new found family, I would be a bit freaked out at you wanting to move closer after one meeting and one week. Too much, too soon.

firesidechat · 05/07/2015 18:55

Just seen that your dh knew them a number of years ago, so that answers that question.

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