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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so embarrassed about going back to work / thinking of resigning?

121 replies

KateSpade · 05/07/2015 08:17

So, I posted a thread last week about me being spoken to like shit because I'm a woman in a primarily facing role,

Well Friday I was in on my own, and after not being able to get in the building because someone else had taken my keys home - a customer couldn't get in for 1hr - between 8-9am. So I totally understand how unacceptable that was,

a few hours later he 'gave me a shouting at' in his own words.

Later another customer was using a piece of equipment he wanted and threw his arms up & down & again - shouted at me.

So, I burst into tears, I was shaking, it was awful. He rang another store, spoke to our area manager, who I have a meeting with on Monday to 'investigate' the issue.

So, I spent Friday in tears, my dad phoned & caught me upset - so came down & shouted at the man. Blush very embarrassed about that,
But it was awful - I'm so embarrassed about the whole thing, I know I'll see the man on Monday, along with my meeting!

Now, this is a very regular occurrence - many but not all as abusive as he was, I'm debating going to the meeting and resigning?
My contract ends on September anyway - maternity contract.

I'm mortified - scared about getting a telling off (I understand my dad shouldn't have come down - i didn't ask him, it was a kind of phone down - no telling him) and bothered that the company will bend over backwards to apologise when quite frankly apart from the delay in opening, he doesn't deserve an apology!

So, I know you MN'ers always have wise words of wisdom - BlushSmile

OP posts:
madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 22:56

I would have gone absolutely postal if my dad turned up at my workplace and started having a go at customers. And yes, I would be feeling mortified and embarrassed about going back to work, so I can understand completely how the op feels.

However, what's done is done. If you want the job, op, then you need to address the staff issues to do with breaks, and your lack of 'management', and also ask them that back-up is available to handle difficult customers of this sort of thing is a regular occurrence.

But the dad thing? Unforgivable. Has he apologised?

alltoomuchrightnow · 05/07/2015 23:25

I would be mortified too if was my father. Not that he would ever stick up for me :-(
but i'd like workmates to think i could fight my own battles (even if i couldn't) It's nothing to do with my parents, you wouldn't for example bring your mother or father along to your interview!
I've always worked in customer service and part of that is facing unpleasant and yes sometimes aggressive, customers. It's not great (understatement). I also have bullying in the workplace right now. I hope this gets resolved for you , as no job is worth this stress

alltoomuchrightnow · 05/07/2015 23:27

I would say age shouldn't come into it. Whatever the OP's age, it doesn't look good for her father to butt in. She is a grown woman in the workplace.. it's not a place where you should be parented!

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 05/07/2015 23:48

I agree, would a man have his dad come into work to tell customers off? It's bananas. If you need to call the police you call the police, not your dad!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 06/07/2015 19:17

How did the meeting go today?

CardinalRed · 06/07/2015 19:31

Hoping the meeting went well.
AS well as breaking the law in terms of no breaks, your employers have a duty of care to you as a lone worker and should have special risk assessments to cover situations such as angry/potentially violent customers.

HagOtheNorth · 06/07/2015 19:34

'I would say age shouldn't come into it. Whatever the OP's age, it doesn't look good for her father to butt in. She is a grown woman in the workplace.. it's not a place where you should be parented!'

I agree.
But my dad would have done exactly the same. He is a sexist pig and he loves me, so he would have rushed to the rescue as he saw it.
DH wouldn't and doesn't, because I'm an adult and he sees me as capable, and I'm more aggressive than DH. But once in a while...secretly, it would be nice to have a hero to hide behind. Grin I'm going to miss dad when the Grim Reaper finally gets up the courage to face him. Been close a few times.

OP, they are vile, the management and the expectations of you are beyond belief and you need to be in a union so you can have advice. As it is, get your concerns and their responses in writing. Email is fine.
You need the courage to demand breaks, back up and to be spoken to in a civil manner. You shouldn't have to, it should happen automatically in any job. But it doesn't.

TTWK · 06/07/2015 20:30

DH wouldn't and doesn't, because I'm an adult and he sees me as capable, and I'm more aggressive than DH. But once in a while...secretly, it would be nice to have a hero to hide behind.

I have visions of Angela Merkel and David Cameron arguing furiously over the future of Europe, and then Merkel's dad bursting into the meeting to sort out Cameron for shouting his little girl. I'm sure Angela would be secretly pleased her dad came to her rescue and it wouldn't effect her credibility at all. Hmm

HagOtheNorth · 07/07/2015 06:31

Grin I know. It isn't a mature or adult response in any way.
It's also why I don't share some stuff with my dad.

HagOtheNorth · 07/07/2015 06:34

It's also why I don't post on relationships threads. Otherwise I'd be yelling, 'You are a vertebrate, grow a backbone and stop being a victim'

Original poster
KateSpade · 07/07/2015 09:04

So their was no meeting Monday, the manager didn't turn up, nothing mentioned to me, however he was at work for 8am today, just after I turned up and has suspended me - with pay, whilst he is completing an 'investigation into what happened' I have to go back on Friday when I'll get a chance to put my side of the story down, ect.

I'm thinking the customer has said something like 'I'll leave this company if you do not get rid of Kate' and he's a customer that puts thousands of pounds into the business and seeing as my contract will be ending soon anyway, I just don't think they're that bothered about me as an individual.

The best that can come out of this, I think is that they'll pay me till the end of the month, which I would be happy with.

I am feeling it may be time to move on, you'd have thought id be absolutely gutted, but I'm more bothered about finding another job.

I'm angry that after all that he said to me calling me a 'fucking stupid bitch' amongst other things that I'm in the wrong?

At well, I'm just going to try to brush it off and not let it bother me.

But any advice for the meeting on Friday would be well received.

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 07/07/2015 12:16

Kate, I really wouldn't accept being suspended! You didn't do anything wrong - the customer was abusive!

I think you need to speak to a union or a solicitor about this. I would be extremely unhappy about what they're doing. What exactly do they think you've done wrong to be suspended?!

Original poster
KateSpade · 07/07/2015 12:30

I've only been told that the suspension isn't a disciplinary, just so I can take some time off & gather my thoughts for Friday.

I know I haven't done anything wrong and the manager has received an email stating what happened from an independent
Witness.

At the end of the day I know I've been a very conscientious, hard working member of Staff & am unsure what is going to happen on Friday, apart from firing me!

OP posts:
MewlingQuim · 07/07/2015 12:44

You should also send a email stating your side of the story asap. Don't wait until Friday to have your say, get something in writing now.

Radiatorvalves · 07/07/2015 12:45

I suggest you post in employment.

Take notes when you have the meeting. You have very limited employment rights, but if you have suffered abuse and harassment because you are female, you are in a marginally better place to claim your rights.

I woud make sure that the owner or senior manager knows the full story about what has gone on. If this guy has been there a while it may be he has form and the investigation won't be as one sided as you fear.

muminhants1 · 07/07/2015 12:52

Yes send an email. There was a brilliant post further up telling you how to open the meeting. Use that, but change it to "I was disappointed that you cancelled the meeting as I was going to raise the issue of bullying. As you have suspended me without having the meeting or talking to me, I can only see that as an unwarranted and unjustified disciplinary action. Therefore, I am seeking legal advice. In the meantime, [talk about report on bullying and tell them to read it and add piece about how are they going to protect you).

Lookoutthewindow · 07/07/2015 13:54

Hi Kate,

I've been reading your thread and think you possibly might work for a company I used to work for....If RAPLH means anything to you you'll know what I'm talking about.

If that's the case please feel free to PM me, I worked there for a long time, and I can see if I can help.

Original poster
KateSpade · 07/07/2015 15:50

Hello lookout it doesn't mean anything to me, but I'll pm you, just too see, if It's something that might have been changed.

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 08/07/2015 15:48

Op, can I politely ask how old you are? It feels a bit to me like they're hoping you're too young / I experienced to kick up a fuss about this. I really think you should post In Employment or legal and ask for more specific advice.

Gabilan · 08/07/2015 20:59

"It feels a bit to me like they're hoping you're too young / I experienced to kick up a fuss about this"

And to be brutally honest, the fact that the OP's dad turned up to fight her battles will confirm their belief that she is young and not capable of sticking up for herself.

OP if I were you I would write down the cold, hard facts of what happened. Be very cold and factual and absolutely clear about who said what, when, on what dates. Put it into time and date order. Make a note of any times that they have broken employment laws and when they have failed to protect you from bullying.

Ask them for the current staff hand book before your meeting. Tell them you need to see these policies: disciplinary; grievance; bullying and harassment; lone working. The fact that you even ask for these should be a red flag to them that you can and will put up a fight.

Go through the policies - if they exist. Make notes of any times they have been in breach of them. If they don't exist the company are in trouble and a good solicitor or union rep would be able to make mincemeat of them.

And if you haven't done it already, post in some of the places PP have suggested. IANAL, I've just worked for some monumental, back-stabbing wankstains and have learned this stuff the hard way.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 08/07/2015 22:55

Suspension is a neutral act, not disciplinary action. Although it never feels that way to the person who is suspended.
But definitely raise the bullying issue, in writing, before the meeting on Friday, and say that you want to lodge a formal grievence about it.

Original poster
KateSpade · 09/07/2015 07:55

I'm 26 truth I think it's either going to go one of two ways - they'll ring me up before the meeting & fire me, or they'll leave it till the meeting & fire me.

But the one thing I'm bothered about is Friday was originally meant to be my day off & I've got a much needed follow up dentist appt - from the work I had last Thursday. No other opts available - so if they say, your re-instated start work immediately - that'll be awkward,

Also, I'm not sure if I should go in my uniform?

To be honest, I don't really want to go back, but being sensible I'll have too, till I get another job.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 10/07/2015 08:35

Good luck today, Kate. They should go through their own disciplinary procedures rather than just fire you. Unfortunately, thanks to the Tories, employees have fewer rights on this than they used to.

Janette123 · 10/07/2015 08:45

KateSpade,
I am sorry you are going through this Flowers

As others have said your employer has a duty of care to you and in this instance they have failed. You actually have grounds for what is known as Constructive Dismissal. Are you in a Trade Union? If so you need to talk to your TU Rep.
If not, then put a report of what happened in writing along with any other incidents, times and dates and take it with you to the meeting. Keep a copy for yourself.
If someone shouts and waves their arms at you that is threatening behaviour. It is totally unacceptable.
Tell your employer in no uncertain terms that if it happens again, you will not hesitate to call the Police and make a formal complaint to them.

dontrunwithscissors · 10/07/2015 08:49

I'd kick their asses into next week. I don't see how they have sufficient cause to sack you, especially when you have evidence.

I'm not sure whether this has been said above as only skim read, but don't resign--it will affect your eligibility for benefits.

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