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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so embarrassed about going back to work / thinking of resigning?

121 replies

KateSpade · 05/07/2015 08:17

So, I posted a thread last week about me being spoken to like shit because I'm a woman in a primarily facing role,

Well Friday I was in on my own, and after not being able to get in the building because someone else had taken my keys home - a customer couldn't get in for 1hr - between 8-9am. So I totally understand how unacceptable that was,

a few hours later he 'gave me a shouting at' in his own words.

Later another customer was using a piece of equipment he wanted and threw his arms up & down & again - shouted at me.

So, I burst into tears, I was shaking, it was awful. He rang another store, spoke to our area manager, who I have a meeting with on Monday to 'investigate' the issue.

So, I spent Friday in tears, my dad phoned & caught me upset - so came down & shouted at the man. very embarrassed about that,
But it was awful - I'm so embarrassed about the whole thing, I know I'll see the man on Monday, along with my meeting!

Now, this is a very regular occurrence - many but not all as abusive as he was, I'm debating going to the meeting and resigning?
My contract ends on September anyway - maternity contract.

I'm mortified - scared about getting a telling off (I understand my dad shouldn't have come down - i didn't ask him, it was a kind of phone down - no telling him) and bothered that the company will bend over backwards to apologise when quite frankly apart from the delay in opening, he doesn't deserve an apology!

So, I know you MN'ers always have wise words of wisdom -

OP posts:

Original poster

KateSpade · 05/07/2015 13:07

Grunt Sorry if you cant understand it - very simply i had a problem with a customer be abusive - which i ended up crying for most of the afternoon. which has left me embarrased about seeing the customer again/my managers.

Duke the company does have CCTV - which i will be showing to the area manger tomorrow.
The assistant Manager took the my keys home - i left earlier than him and i was off to the dentist - so after all the pain/anesthetic i didnt even think about it till the Friday morning.

None of the other staff members answered the phone - the solution was another store to drive over with a member of head office who had a master key.

The customer hadn't paid for the equitpment - just a piece for customers to use.

Oh & just to add insult to injury - the alarm went off and the assistant manager rang me friday night, after being their for 11 hours and asked me to go and reset the alarm. He refused to do it - saying he wasnt up for driving for 40 minuites on his time off.

OP posts:

BettyCatKitten · 05/07/2015 13:09

Sounds like a shit company to work for. Look elsewhere.
Good on your dad!

ghostyslovesheep · 05/07/2015 13:10

do NOT quit your job

get your union on board now or contact ACAS

you can't work 7-6 without a break LEGALLY - you have to have a break at 6hrs by law - the company are acting illegally

There should be a policy on unacceptable behaviour and dealing with aggressive customers - why are they not protecting you?

What training have they given you on dealing with idiots?????

I feel for you OP but you need to stop crying and be proactive x

Raveismyera · 05/07/2015 13:12

My dad would've done the same OP

Gruntfuttock · 05/07/2015 13:26

Is it a storage facility?

Original poster

KateSpade · 05/07/2015 13:51

Ghosty i know legally we have to have a break - ive pointed this out but nothing has been done, and tbh i dont think anything will be done.

No training has been given, ive asked the store manager to bring it up at the mangers meetings but yet again - nothing!

Ghostly no its not a storage facility - i dont want to say what it is as it will out me!

OP posts:

CultureSucksDownWords · 05/07/2015 13:59

It would probably help to present them with solutions rather than requests. So to get your legally required break, you will close the facility (shop? Warehouse?) for the required amount of time. Opening times will be clearly displayed and communicated to customers so that there's no confusion.

DoTheDuckFace · 05/07/2015 14:51

I didn't think the op was pregnant either? I thought she was covering someone else's maternity leave.

Op no-one should be abusive to you. Maybe having one staff member on at a time needs looking at if customers are likely to be abusive.

Should you be making/taking personal calls in work time. I think your dad didn't do you any favours in terms of the company but I can understand why he did it.

Original poster

KateSpade · 05/07/2015 15:30

its a good idea Culture but somehow, i dont think they will go for that, i think the overall solution is to have another member of staff - so four people which we could work so their wasnt anyone on their own for 11 hours!

No, its not me thats pregnant, i am on a maternity leave contract - she is coming back soon.

Duck there isnt an issue with using mobiles/taking personal calls - the rule is 'as long as your not taking the piss'. The laid back attitude to things like that and appointments, phonecalls, browsing the internet, ect is one of the reasons why ive stayed for so long.

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 05/07/2015 15:48

It does sound like a terrible place to work, and I do think you should bring up the bullying at the meeting. Ask them what policies they have in place for protecting their staff from abusive customers.

I must say, though, I'm still at your dad coming down. I'm not sure how old you are, but my dad wouldn't have done that even when I was in my first part-time job (and that was when I was 14!!)

CamelHump · 05/07/2015 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElkTheory · 05/07/2015 16:09

I think a meeting with your managers would be absolutely the way to go. There seem to be a lot of issues in your workplace that need to be addressed.

IMO your dad completely overstepped the bounds by showing up and shouting at the guy, though. I can understand your embarrassment about that, and as part of your meeting I would include your assurances that in future you will cope with all situations yourself (with the support of co-workers, obviously), even unpleasant or abusive customers, and that you won't involve outsiders again.

CultureSucksDownWords · 05/07/2015 18:40

When you have the meeting with your managers, if they ask about your Dad, I would emphasise that you absolutely didn't ask him to come down and that you absolutely don't condone or approve of it. I would also say that you will tell him in the strongest possibly terms not to do it again. Then I would say that in future if you encounter an aggressive customer who doesn't back down after being asked, then you will call the police.

I would tell them that you're having a break and shutting up the shop whilst you do so. How else can you be expected to have your legal minimum break if you are the only staff member there? They are unlikely to want to pay another member of staff to be there if they think they can get away with it!

On a different note, can you ask to be trained on the machine that you're not currently allowed to drive? It's a skill for you and would avoid the issue with customers expecting you to use it.

duplodon · 05/07/2015 18:54

Unless you are getting paid loads and/or don't think you'll find alternative employment, just leave.

PuppyMonkey · 05/07/2015 19:01

With 3 months left of your contract, is it really going to be so bad if you just leave now?

I know other posters will say your employers shouldn't be allowed to get away with leaving you to deal with this aggression . I think I would just go tbh. (or go and do them for constructive dismissal...)

Lavenderice · 05/07/2015 19:45

I think you should quit. This clearly doesn't sound like the right sort of job for you. Find something that's going to make you happier, and FFS learn to stand up for yourself.

Gabilan · 05/07/2015 21:31

"he doesn't like someone shouting at his little girl, who incidentally is also carrying his grandchild and by upsetting the mother this big tough hard guy is also upsetting the innocent life inside her. "

She's a grown woman doing a job, not a "little girl" and she's not pregnant, she's covering someone else's maternity leave.

My dad used to be over-protective when I was a school kid but he learned not to be, mainly by me firmly explaining to him when he had overstepped the mark. Men actually will back down when a woman confronts them but you really do have to confront them, not let daddy have a word, which just reinforces their idea that you are a "little girl" who needs someone else to fight your battles, not an adult in your own right.

OP document the times they have broken employment laws. It will help if they get arsey with you. Make sure you have evidence of their inadequacies.

19lottie82 · 05/07/2015 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

19lottie82 · 05/07/2015 22:08

OP I'd go to the do sand get signed off with stress, rather than just leaving and the submit a bullying grievance.

19lottie82 · 05/07/2015 22:09

That should have said "go to the docs and get signed off"

CultureSucksDownWords · 05/07/2015 22:12

19lottie82, so it's ok for you to have a go at the previous poster and say you pity her children?! Because she has a different opinion to you? Nice.

I doubt that this father would barge into his son's work in this way, it would be interesting what the OP thinks about that?

Any parent would intervene with a bully bullying their child. When that child is a grown adult then, not so much. Especially if they hadn't asked them to intervene on their behalf.

TTWK · 05/07/2015 22:24

So a parent doesn't like upsetting their child, someone that they love? And because it's a father / daughter, the he's a sexist PIG??! Most parents would go bananas if a nasty bully made their child cry, and rightly so!

But she isn't a child, she's a grown woman. And of course it's sexist. I bet he wouldn't have got involved if his son was getting a tough time at work, and what would you think if a male colleague was getting shouted at by a customer and his mum turned up to stick her oar in. Your think he was a right mummy's boy.

Ffs, what's wrong with this place. Grown women at work, and you think it's ok for their dads to come down and shout the odds. Staggering.

Do you think her dad's actions help women in general get treated seriously, or even equally, in the workplace??

Gabilan · 05/07/2015 22:39

"Do you think her dad's actions help women in general get treated seriously, or even equally, in the workplace??"

Agree, TTWK. It's totally infantilising and reinforces the idea that women cannot stand up for themselves. IME, having an over-protective father actually doesn't do your self confidence any good because you worry that you are inadequate and that he protects you because you cannot look after yourself. The reality is that part of growing up is learning to protect yourself.

Your parents can of course give you emotional support at home and advise you on how to deal with people, if you ask them. But it's 2015, not 1915, they shouldn't be rocking up at the work place fighting your battles.

Finallyonboard · 05/07/2015 22:44

Your dad came to your place of work and shouted at someone? Wow! I don't even know what to say to that. How old are you?

SistersofPercy · 05/07/2015 22:54

No job is worth the upset I think.

I had a boss who was an arse hole once, took great delight in doing bugger all but took every opportunity to shout and belittle in front of customers. One day he started with a shop full. I walked over to the chair, picked up my bag and coat and loudly announced that no job was worth spending several hours a day with a pathetic little man who obviously had some kind of complex and I left.

I had the last laugh too, I called the owner (she owned a few shops locally ) told her why id left and said she might want to quietly review the cctv footage, especially the bits where he sat reading the paper for the morning and actually slept in the office after lunch.
I'm guessing she did because three months later he was out of a job and she shut the whole store and transferred everyone else bar him to her other branch.
My mental health improved drastically the day I walked out of the door.

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