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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD Would you go and pick your OH up from work late at night?

87 replies

redgoat · 03/07/2015 20:48

DH works shifts and car shares with another guy. Work is almost an hours' drive away. It's the other guy's turn to drive this week.

Due to traffic and delivery routes (they drive), other guys keeps getting held up so DH ends up hanging about for over an hour for him to get back to the depot.

DH had mentioned about 4.30pm about me going to get him tonight. I don't want to. We have 2 DC (11 and 7), it's Friday night, I just want to chill and veg. It also negates the petrol saving of the car share and money is tight. He won't be due to finish until about 11pm. Other guy may not get back until after midnight.

WWYD, take kids and go and get him or go to bed and make him wait. Shock (shocked face is the closest smilie to a yawn lol)

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 03/07/2015 22:10

I never had a lie in as a child. Whatever time I went to bed I would be up at 6am. still the same now. My parents despaired.
My DH wouldn't ask. He wouldn't put his own comfort or convenience above the children's, in fact completely the opposite. He would sit there all night if the alternative was inconveniencing the rest of us.

AlpacaMyBags · 03/07/2015 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 03/07/2015 22:11

Oh I am not saying some don't..Just lots don't. I thought the numerous Shock made it clear I was being humorous.

Original poster
redgoat · 03/07/2015 22:14

Thanks for your responses.

As I said up thread, I've told him no. We also have a party tomorrow which week be a late night too so I don't think the kids should have 2 late nights in a row. He's got plenty data on his phone so he can watch a film or something (doesn't read unless is the sun, doesn't drink hot drinks lol).

What annoys me is really the same as Mrs TerryPratchett. He's putting his wants first and has an uncanny knack of making me feel guilty. I've had a long week too so driving for 2 hours is the last thing I want to do on a Friday night. He would probably say that he'd do it for me but the difference is, I wouldn't ask him.

OP posts:
NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 03/07/2015 22:16

My 8 and 10 year olds don't lie in - might get an extra 30 mins out of the eldest if she's gone to bed 3 hours later than normal, but later waking only occurs very gradually, say over the duration of a longer school holiday (and even then we're talking 7.30am).

I don't think many parents would ask their spouse to wake kids and drive for 2 hours with them in the middle of the night just to save them waiting somewhere safe and dry... only if they were really stuck in a missed the last train and stranded on an unmanned platform sense.

Original poster
redgoat · 03/07/2015 22:16

elderflowerpower I did indeed ask for opinions and respect that you would do it. Smile I'm still not though. Grin

OP posts:
LibrariesGaveUsPower · 03/07/2015 22:18

If he wants to keep up the lift share, maybe she should learn to love reading. Or get some 'learn Fench' apps or something on his phone Grin

MrsPCR · 03/07/2015 22:22

Can't he take a couple of his mates' deliveries so that they both finish earlier?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2015 22:22

Pleco is great for learning Mandarin. Grin

SouthWestmom · 03/07/2015 22:24

I would but only because mine are always bloody awake until midnight and it might stop them coming down asking for food/ water/ random crap from their book bag/

FryOneFatManic · 03/07/2015 22:33

I would only do it in an emergency. An hour is not much to wait, really, and I would be getting kids up, in the car, to do all that round trip, regardless of possible lie-ins (DS and lie-ins don't mix....).

The only time I did a late night trip to collect DP was indeed an emergency. DCs packed off to parents for a sleepover and I drove 50 miles late at night to collect DP from an A&E after he'd collapsed at work, and then drove him home.

But the main reason I'd say no, is that having done it once, to save him the wait, he'll ask again, and before you know it, it'll become a regular thing and the car share that saves money will be long gone.

Hairylegs007 · 03/07/2015 22:37

Can't he read a book or go for a jog

Original poster
redgoat · 03/07/2015 22:41

That's my thoughts too FryOne.

MrsPCR - He can't as they are deliveries that require special training and they can only do 2 a shift. Is not a multi-drop job.

Mrs TP - LOL Grin

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 04/07/2015 00:38

Why can't he drive himself to and from work every day? I'd be pretty pissed off if I had to hang around for hours late at night after working a full shift.

Morloth · 04/07/2015 00:55

No chance and neither of us would ask the other.

As has been said. Why waste 6 hours worth of time to save 1? Pointless.

TendonQueen · 04/07/2015 01:21

Like others, I might have done this pre kids, but I wouldn't drag kids out of bed to do it, and neither would my DH expect that. Bit sad that a grown adult can't find a useful or entertaining way to spend an hour's wait.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 04/07/2015 02:44

I'm intrigued as to what he's delivering. Two drops, afternoon starts, special training? Nothing in the building trade then. Not trunking as that's usually a single long journey. Fuel tankers, bulk cement to block plants, supermarkets run late. Then you mention traffic: bad evening traffic means the M25 around Dartford, the M6 up to J14 or the 62 west from Leeds.

Anyway, YANBU. You drive for a living, you put up with shit. You don't spread the misery.

sadwidow28 · 04/07/2015 03:11

your DH basically can't be arsed to wait

What a dreadful thing to say googoodolly. You have clearly never had to car share to help with a family budget. I put up with 8 months of someone 'faffing around' whilst I sat in my car waiting for her for anything up to an hour.... and then she was chauffeur driven to her door and said, 'see you tomorrow' as she stepped out to greet her DH on the doorstep and I had to continue driving to get home myself.

The OP's DH also wants to get home on time. At 20:48 the OP says "DH had mentioned about 4.30pm about me going to get him tonight". She is seeking approval to leave her DH kicking his heels after another long day of driving.

No, I wouldn't drag small children on a long journey to collect him - without making it into a special picnic to collect Daddy, seeing where Daddy works etc...

However, I do think that the car share arrangement needs re-visiting. It isn't good enough that DH is expected to extend his working day by over an hour when all he wants to do is get home, shower and see his family.

woollytights · 04/07/2015 05:49

I would have also picked him up as a one off on this occasion.

googoodolly · 04/07/2015 05:56

It's not a dreadful thing to say! He knew the arrangements but instead of planning ahead and bringing a book/iPod/Nintendo DS with him to kill an hour, he wants his wife to wake his kids, drive for an hour, pick him up and drive home again!

I get it's shitty waiting around after a shift but he agreed to the car share to save money. So either he sucks it up and brings something to do for an hour or he scraps the car share and drives himself.

It makes no sense to agree to a car share because petrol costs are too high, then get your wife to come out and drive a 2 hour round trip to collect you because you don't want to wait! No money saved there.

googoodolly · 04/07/2015 05:58

And yes, I have had to car share - it involved finishing at 10pm and not getting a lift home until 11pm. It sucked but I knew money was tight and the alternative would have negated the whole point of the car share which was to save money!

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 04/07/2015 06:52

sadwidow he won't be seeing his family in an meaningful way at 11pm, and it's not a special picnic to be woken to get in the car at 10pm, drive to pick him up at 11pm and drive back to be put back into bed at midnight.

Car shares only work out with very set start and finish times and compatible personalities - DH also drives an hour to work and tried it but it was a disaster. The only time he's asked to fetch him from work was when his car wouldn't start though. We did sometimes take him to the station at 6.15am in his old job, when he was car less for a couple of weeks, but he'd never ask to be driven a 2 hour round trip in the middle of the night unless in a true emergency.

Hairylegs007 · 04/07/2015 06:57

It's a very selfish thing to ask. Is he often selfish

Hairylegs007 · 04/07/2015 07:02

He's not seeing his family at that time. The kids will be fast asleep.

Yes car sharing can be tricky but the only fair alternative is to stop the car sharing, get a taxi or take a book/film to entertain himself

MistressDeeCee · 04/07/2015 10:05

Yes I would do it. Its my OH, not a mate. I really don't think its the height of suffering for DCs to go through the drive there and back for 1 night, they'd live. What I wouldn't want however, is to be roped into doing it regularly.