To say i do not want to be a bridesmaid...

[Itsallaboutme3]

Close friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid i said yes. Having thought about it i have too much going on to be a bridesmaid. I have 3 children and bride wants all bridesmaids to stay at hers the night before and go straight to venue. My 3 dc are invited so how am i going to get them ready and to venue.
Aibu to say i do not want to be a bridesmaid? Honestly.....

[whois]

Why does she need her bridesmaids to stay over the night before confused? Does the ceremony start at five in the morning? If it doesn't, then a 'bridesmaid sleepover' sounds a bit boakworthy.

Maybe she wants to spend time with the people she thinks are her closest friends. Don't you like spending time with your friends?

[NerrSnerr]

I think staying over the night before is a lovely idea too. Bridesmaids are supposed to be people you like so don't see why it's 'boakworthy'.

[TidyDancer]

I think it's a lame reason to pull out tbh and I would be offended if I was the bride in this scenario.

[hibbledibble]

Why can your dh not get them ready?

Have you spoken to the bride about this?

Unless there is something else then yabu, it is a very flimsy reason to pull out of the wedding

[Jomato]

If I was the bride I'd be extremely hurt. She thinks you are a close enough friend to have as a bridesmaid, you clearly do not feel the same way about her. Surely your DH can get your children ready?

[CalleighDoodle]

I think the reason is that she didnt put herself out for you at your wedding, fromyour last post.

[hibbledibble]

Is this a reverse?

The op and the username look rather suspect

[TheCatsMother99]

You need to voice your concerns otherwise YABU.

She wants you as bridesmaid so I'm sure she can compromise and you can stay at yours, get kids (mostly) ready & then make your way over to hers.

[BackforGood]

Seems an odd reason to not want to be a bridesmaid.
either this friend is a really good friend who you want to support on her big day and maybe put yourself out / do something you perhaps wouldn't normally do because it's something she fancies, or why are you being her bridesmaid at all if she's just an acquaintance / casual friend ?

[TRexingInAsda]

YANBU, but you need to tell her ASAP. Not everybody likes random sleepovers instead of being with their kids and sorting them out.

[Itsallaboutme3]

Thank you. I am just going to mention it to her see what she says. We are not really close best friends. Just friends.
Yes my dh is capable of getting dc ready but i would like to be there and also he does not know friend getting married her family so would be a bit uncomfortable turning up at wedding on his own

[pinkyredrose]

You're just making excuses now. If you're not that close why has she asked you to be bridesmaid anyway?

[NerrSnerr]

Sorry but that's a really bad reason to not be a bridesmaid. I would be upset if you used that as an excuse.

[Babymamamama]

I am probably in a minority of one but I do find all this shenanigans around weddings ridiculous. I was a bridesmaid twice under the age of ten. And I do think if you feel the need for "maids" that is the way to go. Why does anyone need a group of grown women dressed in identical outfits around them for it to be a proper wedding? It's so predictable and conformist. What if your best friend wants to wear her own lovely dress and not traipse around behind the bride. Does that really make her less of a friend?

[Theycallmemellowjello]

It seems like you've made up your mind, but I think you need to accept that you're going to hurt your friend and damage the friendship if you do this. wanting to help your kids get ready in the morning and wanting to sit next to your husband (who will have the kids with him and hence not even be alone) in the ceremony are extremely weak reasons to pull out, and that's going to be very obvious to your friend.

[lljkk]

Why would bridesmaids stay overnight like that, what would they be doing with the bride or each other that required the overnight stay? Is it a 5am start? (Baffled)

[Justyouwaitandsee]

How old are your DC? I can appreciate not wanting to stay with your friend the night before. Could you meet up with the others in the morningg, leaving outfits ready for your DC so your DH can get them ready?

[NerrSnerr]

Lljkk- I imagine the bride just wants a nice evening with friends. I don't see how that is hard for some people to understand.

[stressedoutnan]

utterly ridiculous. If you didn't want to be bridesmaid you should have said from the start. your DH would not be turning up alone as he will be with your DC. If I was the bride I would be very hurt. I think this would be a perfect opportunity to have a bit of grown up time with your friends. your DH (it presume) is more than capable of getting the dc ready!

[Florriesma]

Yanbu.
no one needs bridesmaids the whole night before. They really don't.
And if they do absolutely need this then they need to have bridesmaids who have no other real life commitments.
I'm curious now..What would you be doing the night before that isn't covered by a hen night? boggles

[mrssmith79]

It's a one-off thing, probably (in her eyes) the biggest, happiest event of her life so far, so for that YABU.
Sounds like you have already made your decision though.

[Pedestriana]

I think you are BU.

She has asked, you have accepted. From the information you provide, it does sound that you just don't want to, rather than can't. There is no good reason not to let your DH get the children ready and turn up.

Maybe you should just ask if it is absolutely necessary for the bm's to overnight at the bride's house? If not then you can just turn up early.

FWIW, one of my bridesmaids overnighted when I got married. Because of the location, I stayed with IL's to be, DH to be stayed with another relative of his. BM and I were making wedding favours until 11/12 the night before, and were supplied with copious amounts of tea and cake by MIL to be. It was much easier in the morning as we had less rushing about to get ready.