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AIBU?

To say i do not want to be a bridesmaid...

59 replies

Itsallaboutme3 · 03/07/2015 11:53

Close friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid i said yes. Having thought about it i have too much going on to be a bridesmaid. I have 3 children and bride wants all bridesmaids to stay at hers the night before and go straight to venue. My 3 dc are invited so how am i going to get them ready and to venue.
Aibu to say i do not want to be a bridesmaid? Honestly.....

OP posts:

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lljkk · 04/07/2015 20:20

Whether OP is BU depends I think if dress has already been measured up.
Still I cannot fathom why BMs must attend night before. Even though I've had a wedding maybe I'm not cut out to understand them.

Itsallaboutme3 · 04/07/2015 18:57

Wow all the messages saying if you were the bride you would be upset and so on.....i am 34 years old and have 3 children who, if i am away from for a night, yes i do miss. Sleep overs is not really my thing but it seems i am a minority

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 04/07/2015 16:04

Really not a good enough reason, though maybe a good enough excuse! I would see through it as a bride though and think most would.

I am sure your DH would be perfectly able to look after your DC.

Kreeshsheesh · 04/07/2015 14:30

Are you very anxious about leaving them?

vvega · 04/07/2015 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookiemere · 04/07/2015 12:04

YANBU.

Who knew that being BM meant pre-wedding night stay? I've been a BM twice and didn't have to do it and would have thought it odd if this was a requirement.

Why don't you just say to her that you can't stay the night before and you'll understand if she doesn't want you to be a BM, but you'd still like to if you can go on the day.

I really don't think it's about life stopping when you become a parent stressedoutnan, it's just about considering what you do from your families perspective as well as just your own.

Florriesma · 04/07/2015 11:54

To be fair, people have other commitments apart from kids, parents, work, pets, liking their own bed..
still don't know what you'd do on a sleepover before the big day?

stressedoutnan · 04/07/2015 11:52

vvega yes of course people can change their mind but there really should be a good enough excuse. OP doesn't want to sleep over, so why doesn't she just say? she doesn't have to give up being bridesmaid.
Okay you wouldn't care if a bridesmaid pulled out, but I would be really upset. I would choose my bridesmaids very carefully, they'd be good friends, so of course I would be a little upset if they pulled out because of their children.
And it's clear from this thread that a lot of people would also be upset so why take the risk?
I just hate how people think their lives have to go on stop when they have children. Adults with children are not just mum/dad. They are their own identity.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 04/07/2015 11:48

I understand. I don't like being away from my children. I also find weddings bloody awful. As for a girlie sleepover the night before uggghh.... Run a mile op xx

vvega · 04/07/2015 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pedestriana · 04/07/2015 11:19

I think you are BU.

She has asked, you have accepted. From the information you provide, it does sound that you just don't want to, rather than can't. There is no good reason not to let your DH get the children ready and turn up.

Maybe you should just ask if it is absolutely necessary for the bm's to overnight at the bride's house? If not then you can just turn up early.

FWIW, one of my bridesmaids overnighted when I got married. Because of the location, I stayed with IL's to be, DH to be stayed with another relative of his. BM and I were making wedding favours until 11/12 the night before, and were supplied with copious amounts of tea and cake by MIL to be. It was much easier in the morning as we had less rushing about to get ready.

mrssmith79 · 04/07/2015 10:59

It's a one-off thing, probably (in her eyes) the biggest, happiest event of her life so far, so for that YABU.
Sounds like you have already made your decision though.

Florriesma · 04/07/2015 10:57

Yanbu.
no one needs bridesmaids the whole night before. They really don't.
And if they do absolutely need this then they need to have bridesmaids who have no other real life commitments.
I'm curious now..What would you be doing the night before that isn't covered by a hen night? boggles

stressedoutnan · 04/07/2015 10:56

utterly ridiculous. If you didn't want to be bridesmaid you should have said from the start. your DH would not be turning up alone as he will be with your DC. If I was the bride I would be very hurt. I think this would be a perfect opportunity to have a bit of grown up time with your friends. your DH (it presume) is more than capable of getting the dc ready!

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2015 10:53

Lljkk- I imagine the bride just wants a nice evening with friends. I don't see how that is hard for some people to understand.

Justyouwaitandsee · 04/07/2015 10:51

How old are your DC? I can appreciate not wanting to stay with your friend the night before. Could you meet up with the others in the morningg, leaving outfits ready for your DC so your DH can get them ready?

lljkk · 04/07/2015 10:46

Why would bridesmaids stay overnight like that, what would they be doing with the bride or each other that required the overnight stay? Is it a 5am start? (Baffled)

vvega · 04/07/2015 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello · 04/07/2015 10:42

It seems like you've made up your mind, but I think you need to accept that you're going to hurt your friend and damage the friendship if you do this. wanting to help your kids get ready in the morning and wanting to sit next to your husband (who will have the kids with him and hence not even be alone) in the ceremony are extremely weak reasons to pull out, and that's going to be very obvious to your friend.

Babymamamama · 04/07/2015 10:41

I am probably in a minority of one but I do find all this shenanigans around weddings ridiculous. I was a bridesmaid twice under the age of ten. And I do think if you feel the need for "maids" that is the way to go. Why does anyone need a group of grown women dressed in identical outfits around them for it to be a proper wedding? It's so predictable and conformist. What if your best friend wants to wear her own lovely dress and not traipse around behind the bride. Does that really make her less of a friend?

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2015 10:40

Sorry but that's a really bad reason to not be a bridesmaid. I would be upset if you used that as an excuse.

vvega · 04/07/2015 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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pinkyredrose · 04/07/2015 10:37

You're just making excuses now. If you're not that close why has she asked you to be bridesmaid anyway?

Itsallaboutme3 · 04/07/2015 10:27

Thank you. I am just going to mention it to her see what she says. We are not really close best friends. Just friends.
Yes my dh is capable of getting dc ready but i would like to be there and also he does not know friend getting married her family so would be a bit uncomfortable turning up at wedding on his own

OP posts:

TRexingInAsda · 03/07/2015 21:44

YANBU, but you need to tell her ASAP. Not everybody likes random sleepovers instead of being with their kids and sorting them out.

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