To keep DS home that day?

[ASorcererIsAWizardSquared]

DS is 8yo, he has ASD, Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD and Dyspraxia. He also has, due to the ASD/SPD some serious restricted eating problems and food phobias.

This term they've been doing projects on Roald Dahl, and this last couple of weeks the book has been Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which, no surprise, DS has wanted nothing to do with, as chocolate/sweets are one of his biggest problem foods and he won't even sit near anyone eating them, never mind want to role play or write projects on them.

Anyway, on Monday the rest of his year are going to Cadbury World on a day trip, DS is NOT going because of his SN's and they have instead told me i have to take him into school so he can spend the day doing work with yr2.

I really dont think this is fair, they have chosen a trip that he CANT go on because of his SN, they may as well have deliberately excluded him (and he really can't he had a major meltdown just thinking they might make him go) and now are 'punishing' him for those SN by making him have a boring day working while everyone else is having fun.

AIBU to keep him home and for us to go do something fun instead... and tomorrow to have a chat with the HT and explain thats what i'm doing and why?

Yanbu op, go do something he will enjoy, sounds like he needs some tlc and fun as the while topic has been a nightmare for him and obviously not well dealt with by the school if it resulted in a meltdown like that.

We have had similar with ds2 recentky, they did say he could gp on the trip if dh went with him, this is due to physical needs, joint issues,meaning he needs to rest and they wanted dh there so he could sit with him when tired. Ds2 is almost 13. What 13 yr old wants their parent with them on a school trip and the only way they could do this is because dh is dbs checked and cleared due to his job. Anyway we said no not happening.

Schools have a duty to be inclusive, if they are not being take your child and so something they will enjoy.

Lucky Virginia? Ds's disabilities are the reason i don't work.. you find me an employer thats happy to have me disappear to OTs, Drs, Assessments and school meetings up to 3-4 times a week.

Find me an employer who's going to be happy with me having to have my mobile on me at all times because i've just got another phonecall from any number of school staff because DS isn't coping with his day, had a meltdown, is refusing to do his work.

Find me an employer who is happy for me to ring in at short notice to tell them im not coming in today because DS has refused to go to school, or is having the day off because he hasn't slept, or spent all night having night terrors.

I get maybe 3-4hrs sleep a night, i have to catch up during the day.

Now tell me how lucky i am!

And as for the lucky as most patents are working comment,,many parents who have children with special needs would love to be able to work but can't because there isn't any childcare provision for children with additional needs or what there is is extortionate, my own child can only attend school on a part time basis at the moment, then there are numerous appointments etc to juggle plus regular calls from the school, it's not possible for many parents to work.

I would explain to the school that the disability which means that the trip is inappropriate for him, also means that joining a different year group for the day would be inappropriate and cause him undue stress and anxiety. Ask them to propose an alternative plan which involves him being taught with a peer group he is accustomed to and a by a familiar member of staff.

They planned a whole topic that excluded him and caused him a great deal of distress. Now they can make amends by making sure the alternative activity they offer him is accessible to him.

Of course, if they will find this all terribly inconvenient and expensive, you could offer to take him on an alternative educational trip yourself, assuming they agree not to mark it as an unauthorised absence

He punched a teacher and they're allowing him to be with Year 2 pupils. I'd be very worried if my child was in that class.

Here, littleflick. Have my first ever .

It's taken me several years to find someone who really deserves it. Congratulations on being THE one.

That's helpful Virginia.

kickassangel I agree. There is no way I'd have done this topic in this situation. Another book could have been chosen or a completely different topic. There are hundreds of interesting topics out there to choose from. I'm not sure any child is going to be disadvantaged by not studying Charlie and the chocolate factory.

The OP's child's meltdown was both predictable and preventable with a little bit of thought.

Virginia , that was a very stupid post.

You're lucky you have the option of having the day off. Most parents would be working.

I would love to be one of those parents who was too busy working to have the option of keeping their child at home for the day.

I used to have a full time job. We bought our house and planned our mortgage payments on the basis of me having a full time job. For several years I muddled along, trying to work part-time and still manage the battles for school provision, the medical appointments, the school refusal, the months of caring for a child who was having a complete breakdown, the meetings with school, the part-time timetables, the endless emails that take hours to write because the wording is so crucial, the research,..... In the end I had to give up because I was doing everything badly and making myself ill.

I long for the day when I can get a job, knowing I won't have to keep taking time off to pick up the mess caused by the latest school cock-up. Then maybe we will be able to afford a holiday or one of the small luxuries other people take for granted.

Lucky, aren't I?

Oh, and the sleep deprivation? Well that's another story but DD2 gets DLA because if it so I'm lucky on that score too.

My DLA forms are just awaiting me to go buy an envelope to post them!

But hey, I should thank my stars that I'm so lucky I can go buy one tomorrow while the kids are at school!

For us we tended to keep at home unless the school had arranged a proper substitute and it was marked on the register as educated off-site. He would have gone ballistic if everyone else was on a "jolly" and he was given worksheets in an unfamiliar classroom and I would have thought most children would resent having to work if their peers were having a day out even if their reactions would usually be less extreme than ds2's. It only happened once with his next school but they offered to pay for a similar "enriching activity" but one that he could manage so we did that instead. Still not ideal as I had to do the taking but at least recognising he should be given an experience as similar to his peers as possible. And actually it worked out well because we were able to go somewhere that normally at the weekend / holidays he would be unable to access because it was too busy and noisy.

YANBU. I would take him somewhere else. He could do a short 'report' on it, similar to the work the class will be doing about their trip. Going into Yr2 for the day is not acceptable alternate provision.

Ffs I have 2 nt children. I would be pretty horrified that a school had a trip booked that excluded any child on any basis. All this shit about him being a danger or impacting others is ridiculous.

Op yanbu take him somewhere for the day.

I am always amazed that people think that children who have lashed out as a result of their disabilities should immediately be transported to a special school. Do they think that the other children there are less vulnerable to injury? or that the staff in a special school are less bothered about being hurt? Or is it just much better that these problems are removed from the lovely shiny normal world?

Everything that Goldmandra said, including the for Littleflick. The school has chosen an educational trip that excludes OP's DC as a direct result of his disabilities, and indeed have chosen a topic that they must have known would cause him major stress. They could easily have chose an different Dahl-related day out. The least they can do is to allow OP to keep him out and do something equally enjoyable elsewhere.

OP, has he got a statement or EHC Plan? It would be worth asking them to write in references to things like this that cause him so much stress with a proviso that they need to be avoided unless it is absolutely impossible to do so.

But - just playing devil's advocate here - surely whatever you do there will be someone who can't go for some reason? Go to the zoo to look at bugs and you'll have someone who has a creepy-crawly phobia, go to a farm and there will be an asthma sufferer or someone with an allergy to animal fur or something... You can't expect to be able to accommodate everyone all the time, I would have thought....

Having said that, the school should definitely have provided some sort of proper (fun!) alternative.

In your position, I'd keep my ds home, but I think it's a bit unfair to criticise the school for choosing this trip. They are obliged to provide your son with an education that day, and that's what they're doing by saying he can join another year group, but they probably know that you'd prefer to keep him home.

You have said both that they may as well have deliberately excluded him, and that they probably didn't think it would be an issue because his food issues are generally not noticeable, so you're contradicting yourself.

I think if they have made provision for you to go as well if you'd needed to as on other trips, then they have been fair. And really, it's not that he physically can't go, but more than you have made the (probably right) choice as his parent that it wouldn't be a good day for him.

Ptolemy, your last sentence is spectacularly ignorant. Do you really think the only way someone can be excluded is physically??

Why did the teacher do Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator followed by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? That alone makes her unreasonable! (And YANBU, btw)

Physically he can't go though if he is so scared by something he can't physically cope with entering that building.

DS could have sat through the sealion show on his trip to the zoo recently - however he couldn't cope with that part of the trip because it was too loud and crowded for him and would have been distressed. So school made an alternative provision for him for that part of the trip.

Thing is the school probably runs the same programme each year for the year 3's. So every year they finish the year at cadbury world having covered that book.

So if some posters here had their way then, that entire class/year group (not sure how big school is) would miss out on a trip that everyone else has been on because one child has sensory issues. Whilst i sympathise with the OP and her DS, i don't feel its appropriate to make the whole class/year miss the trip because of one child.

Maybe see what is planned for that day with year 2 and then decide.

And really, it's not that he physically can't go,

How many hours have you spent trying to help an anxious child to enter a building that contains something that frightens and upsets them? Believe me, this child is just as physically excluded as three flights of stair would exclude a child who used a wheelchair.

SideOrder, they really wouldn't notice that they were missing anything if they went on a different trip, e.g. the zoo.

At 8 i am pretty sure they would if they have older siblings and it is done year in year out.

Do something fun with your ds instead. Hope your ds feels better once this topic is over. I wouldn't tell the school as their hands will be tied about allowing it.

Side, they dont, this is something the teacher chose to go with the topic, its not a regular trip!

i took him in.. and you know what? i wish i hadn't. I feel like the worst fucking parent ever right now, seeing him sitting in the corner while everyone else was sat there laughing and looking forward to the trip, and he's there crying because he has to go to a teacher he doesn't really like.

i hate this so much :(