Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS home that day?

88 replies

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 02/07/2015 20:44

DS is 8yo, he has ASD, Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD and Dyspraxia. He also has, due to the ASD/SPD some serious restricted eating problems and food phobias.

This term they've been doing projects on Roald Dahl, and this last couple of weeks the book has been Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which, no surprise, DS has wanted nothing to do with, as chocolate/sweets are one of his biggest problem foods and he won't even sit near anyone eating them, never mind want to role play or write projects on them.

Anyway, on Monday the rest of his year are going to Cadbury World on a day trip, DS is NOT going because of his SN's and they have instead told me i have to take him into school so he can spend the day doing work with yr2.

I really dont think this is fair, they have chosen a trip that he CANT go on because of his SN, they may as well have deliberately excluded him (and he really can't he had a major meltdown just thinking they might make him go) and now are 'punishing' him for those SN by making him have a boring day working while everyone else is having fun.

AIBU to keep him home and for us to go do something fun instead... and tomorrow to have a chat with the HT and explain thats what i'm doing and why?

OP posts:
littleflick · 02/07/2015 21:43

He punched a teacher?Shock

thatsshallot · 02/07/2015 21:43

If the school had not considered this and made alternative provision for him then YWNBU

Themoonornot · 02/07/2015 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleflick · 02/07/2015 21:45

I'm very shocked that a child with such violent outbursts is in a mainstream school.

AuntyMag10 · 02/07/2015 21:45

I doubt they would have deliberately tried to single out and exclude your ds. At the same time that particular book and a follow up to a chocolate factory would be the most fun for kids that age.

Yanbu to keep him off and do something else educational with him.

Original poster
ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 02/07/2015 21:47

yes littleflick, in the middle of a massive meltdown. first time he's EVER done anything like that!

OP posts:
Original poster
ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 02/07/2015 21:50

thats just it littleflick, DS is NOT violent, infact he's so easy going normally that his CAMHS referral was delayed because he was 'not a danger to himself or anyone else'

Unfortunately, last tuesday, for whatever reason, that changed.

OP posts:
littleflick · 02/07/2015 21:54

He punched a teacher and they're allowing him to be with Year 2 pupils. I'd be very worried if my child was in that class. Sorry, I know this is harsh, but the last of my concerns would be him missing a school trip.

littleflick · 02/07/2015 21:54

Punching a teacher is very violent for an 8 year old.

Original poster
ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 02/07/2015 21:55

littleflick, go away and educate yourself about autism and meltdowns!

OP posts:
basgetti · 02/07/2015 21:56

YANBU. Keep off and take him somewhere nice for the day. Not a chance would I allow my child to feel left out and punished for something out of his control.

Sirzy · 02/07/2015 21:57

These threads always bring out the ignorant unfortnatly.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 02/07/2015 22:00

I think the farm idea is splendid if he would be happy with that.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 02/07/2015 22:02

I hope you get CAMHS referral soon op, have you informed them of the latest development? Whilst I agree (anyone would), punching a teacher is not good at all, if the OPs son is managing mainstream education otherwise (or in the majority), then there's no need for a specialist school. Better off trying other methods, such as a one to one, before thinking extreme.

Original poster
ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 02/07/2015 22:05

we have an appt, just waiting for the day to arrive! He does have some 1:1, we have begun the process of applying for an EHCP so he gets more, the ed psych is coming to see him in September too!

OP posts:
AspieAndNT · 02/07/2015 22:08

oh dear as soon as I read this I knew it was not going to go well.

Unfortunately it does seem that any Ronald Dahl topic ends in Cadbury World. I am not sure what other appropriate venue there is that could be linked to it - except the actual Ronald Dahl museum.

I do think it was unfair of the school and it could be argued that he is being discriminated against but equally there are another 29 children to consider and they equally should not be discriminated against.

Does he want to go to yr 2? If not then I would keep him off and find something else to do.

In regard to his meltdown. ... all those who have never experienced an autistic meltdown will not understand how out of control they are.

Please don't get me started on the ignorance of being in Mainstream.

BlackeyedSusan · 02/07/2015 22:14

I would go with the change in classroom is going to cause a massive spike in his anxietycaused by his disability therefor it is not possible for him to attend on that day.

FadedRed · 02/07/2015 22:16

So much angst for one day off for an eight year old a couple weeks before the summer holidays? Hmm
The school are obliged to educate, so cannot say just take the day off. Can you imagine what would be said if they organised a trip that one/some pupils couldn't/didn't go on and just said that the parents would have to organise what they did that day?
Take Ds anywhere you like for the day, you can say he's poorly or not, up to you. They will probably be pleased not to have the possibility he will be upset etc at school with the rest of class not there.
Have a lovely day out, or at home or whatever.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/07/2015 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kickassangel · 02/07/2015 22:17

Wow, I'm shocked at how some people don't seem to know about reasonable adjustments for children with a medical condition. I'm a teacher, btw, and our school policy is that unless you actively seek to include people with an impairment, then you are effectively excluding them. this entire unit is failing to include your son, and effectively excluding him (that's how we'd see it in my school).

so, we would never arrange a trip that a child couldn't go on without having an alternative, equally exciting, trip for that child, agreed with the parents. We wouldn't do an activity that a child in our school can't do. We have been know to rearrange or cancel a residential trip as the dates clashed with the religious observance for 4% of students who would go.

I'm sure that it would usually be a great book and fab trip for the class, but it shouldn't have been done this year. The teacher could have found another book and another trip.

Having said all that, OP, I do find that many children have less and less tolerance towards the end of the year. Fatigue and knowing that there's about to be the huge change of ending the school year, can really affect behaviour for all kids, and your son may well be struggling with that, as well as the book. How you deal with Monday is up to you. If your son is still at the same school next year you may want a word with the HT/next year's teacher and remind them of his needs, as they seem to have been forgotten about this year.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/07/2015 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 02/07/2015 22:23

Of course YANBU. Keep him off, and let him choose what to do that day Thanks

VirginiaTonic · 02/07/2015 22:24

You're lucky you have the option of having the day off. Most parents would be working.

SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 22:25

'Why should the others miss out?' I have the opposite view to this. My children don't have any SN and I would be furious if there was a class topic and trip that excluded any of their classmates with SN. They're a community and should stick together, adjusting things to include everyone's needs. It's called being a decent human being.

Original poster
ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 02/07/2015 22:28

They've been doing Roald Dahl all year, they've covered BFG, Georges Marvellous Medicine, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, now they've moved onto the Chocolate Factory.

Dont get me wrong, i LOVE the books, i think i've read all of them to DS over the last few years (except this one for obvious reasons).

They could have read Fantastic Mr Fox and then taken them to Acton Scott.
They could have read James and the Giant Peach and taken them to the bug house at Chester Zoo!

I think because his issues around food aren't that noticeable as both I and the school are so used to dealing with them, it just didnt cross their minds mind, and normally with trips hes a bit.... so-so on i will encourage him to go and go as a volunteer (i'm a qualified TA and dbs checked for the school) to enable him to access these kind of things.

But Cadbury world is quite simply a step too far into his anxieties, so it was an absolute no-go from the very start!

OP posts: