Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents too friendly with DS teacher. Is this U?

79 replies

Floundernemo · 02/07/2015 20:06

My DS is in year 2 at a big primary school. Two of the other mums are really chatty and friendly with my DS class teacher, making her laugh and always chatting to her lots before and after school. AIBU? Are they just being friendly? Is the teacher secretly just being polite but really would rather not talk to them? It is just really obvious it is these same mums every day. It just doesn't seem very professional or fair somehow, can't quite put my finger on it. All changing next year anyway with new teacher but wanted to hear some opinion or if others have experienced similar.

OP posts:
HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:11

What an odd post. Why do you think it's unprofessional to have friends who are parents, or to be friendly with them? If she's good at the job, no parent would ever know if it was a delight to chat or a chore.
Do you go to PTA functions and analyse the dynamics too?
Or are you jealously assuming that their children will be getting preferential treatment in class, because the mothers are friendly to the teacher?

Fatmomma99 · 02/07/2015 20:12

It's hard to know from the information you've provided. Do they know her socially? Are they on the PTA or gvnrs? Are they brown-nosers?

My experience of teachers is that they don't usually appreciate being 'hogged' immediately before and after school, but have to be polite.

bigbuttons · 02/07/2015 20:12

It is really important that parents and teachers have good relationships.

I don't know what you mean by 'fair'. What's not fair?

KittyandTeal · 02/07/2015 20:15

I generally have a good old chat with parents in the playground before school. It is usually the same ones that come and chat I usually have a bit of a giggle with them.

I also makes sure that I make eye contact and say hi to every parent in case they need a chat.

I'm not sure how it's unprofessional.

AuntyMag10 · 02/07/2015 20:15

Goodness keep your beak out. So what if they speak to the teacherConfused

MrsAmaretto · 02/07/2015 20:15

You'd hate our school - some of the parents went to primary & high school with the teachers!

downgraded · 02/07/2015 20:16

YABincrediblyU

What's wrong with being friends? Lots of schools are in close communities where it's natural to socialise with class teachers and kids in my school whose parents I'm friends with have never seen me drunk oh no not ever

LaurieFairyCake · 02/07/2015 20:16

Maybe they're friends.

Teachers are allowed to have friends, even if they teach their children.

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:18

Some parents are a delight to chat to and brighten up the day.
They remind you that you are a human being, not just a RoboTeach.

weeonion · 02/07/2015 20:20

Oh dear! I am often found chatting and laughing with teachers, headmistress, teaching assistants and other parents in Dd1's playground. I think we are a pretty friendly and sociable lot but didn't realise some might think this inappropriate!

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:20

First post too, and a fishy name?
Are you a red herring? Or a bit crabby in the heat?

FenellaFellorick · 02/07/2015 20:22

maybe they're friends?

It's nice to be friendly and chat.

by fair do you mean no parent should have more of the teacher's time than any other?

You're all adults, I am sure that if any parent wanted or needed to talk to the teacher they would. I'm not sure that the teacher has to manage how adults interact. Maybe ensure the kids get equal time Grin but the grown ups can manage that themselves.

I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't mean anything and it certainly doesn't mean the children of those parents get any sort of special treatment or anything, in case you were worrying.

It's just people chatting.

SocksRock · 02/07/2015 20:23

The last head of our primary school had been a pupil at that school. So had lots of the parents. Three staff had their own children in the school.

Why can't we be friends with teachers? In our case, most had know each other when they had been at school together, way before the parent teacher relationship.

Suefla62 · 02/07/2015 20:25

What a wierd post. Aren't teachers allowed to have friends? Or are you jealous because it's not you.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/07/2015 20:26

Grin hag!

APlaceOnTheCouch · 02/07/2015 20:27

As long as the DCs aren't treated differently then it's fine.

I remember DD came home upset one day because the teacher had been talking about how one of DD's classmates had attended his wedding and performed a special role. DD didn't understand why only one pupil had been invited so she felt it wasn't fair . . . but she was 5. She didn't understand that parents and teachers can have friendships outside of school and that means they will see more of some DCs. It never impacted on the way the teacher acted in class with the DCs.

If the teacher was unfairly favouring the DCs of her friends then that would be unprofessional but talking to parents is a long way from that.

mrsseed · 02/07/2015 20:29

My neighbour is my dd's teaching assistant. Maybe I shouldn't talk to her?!

Kewcumber · 02/07/2015 20:32

I dear I have more than a few laughs with various teachers over the years sometimes even on a school trip Blush Mea Culpa. I will try to be more sombre in future.

In fairness I have never been invited to a teachers wedding or even spoken to one outside of school and DS in mitigation gets dreadful reports so I'm pretty sure my campaign of being nice isn't getting me anywhere.

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:33

Well at DS's First School you were not allowed to talk to the teachers before school and after school by appointment only.

How is there time for all this chatting? Confused

msgrinch · 02/07/2015 20:34

How odd. I'm friends with two teachers at ds school and regularly get tipsy with the receptionist. Teachers are people to op, they have friends Shock . Especially if they're local to the school etc. Honestly what a weird thing to be concerned about.

hollieberrie · 02/07/2015 20:37

From a teacher point of view, i enjoy chatting and having a giggle with parents, but not the same ones every day. There's always one or two who hang around way too much in the mornings, which is our busiest time. I am unfailingly polite so it may look like i'm thrilled to see them when infact I'm not! This could be the case here if its the same ones every day..

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:37

If you are mates with the staff I think the people that aren't would be forgiven for thinking you may be obtaining information that they aren't able to IYKWIM.

Especially if on Wine drinking terms with them.

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:39

'Well at DS's First School you were not allowed to talk to the teachers before school and after school by appointment only.

How is there time for all this chatting? '

How long ago was that, Sparkling?
I used to teach in a school that had a white line painted on the playground, parents crossed it if they had an appointment or if it was an emergency. But that was long, long ago.

ReginaBlitz · 02/07/2015 20:39

You will always get the token brown nosers. Our local busybody has teachers on her Facebook Hmm

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:40

'If you are mates with the staff I think the people that aren't would be forgiven for thinking you may be obtaining information that they aren't able to IYKWIM.'

That would be unprofessional, and is a serious accusation to make. Confidentiality is seen as essential in most schools.