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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents too friendly with DS teacher. Is this U?

79 replies

Floundernemo · 02/07/2015 20:06

My DS is in year 2 at a big primary school. Two of the other mums are really chatty and friendly with my DS class teacher, making her laugh and always chatting to her lots before and after school. AIBU? Are they just being friendly? Is the teacher secretly just being polite but really would rather not talk to them? It is just really obvious it is these same mums every day. It just doesn't seem very professional or fair somehow, can't quite put my finger on it. All changing next year anyway with new teacher but wanted to hear some opinion or if others have experienced similar.

OP posts:
DoJo · 02/07/2015 20:40

My mum taught at my primary school, so not only did she talk to my teachers before and after school, she also did it at break time and IN THE HOLIDAYS!

What exactly is it that worries you about this OP? That you can't speak to the teacher about educational matters? That these parents are more 'popular' with the teacher than you are? That the children are somehow affected by the parent-teacher relationship? If you could be more specific about your concerns, it might be easier to address them.

DoItTooJulia · 02/07/2015 20:42

Sparkling has nailed what the op means by fair, I think.

Do you think they're hogging the teacher? Can you approach the teacher if you need to speak to them?

It must be tricky for teachers. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:42

About 4 years ago now Hag when youngest DS left. the Receptionist would stand in the doorway and not let anyone through. If an emergency she would give you a slip of paper to fill in and she would pass it on or not.

msgrinch · 02/07/2015 20:42

Grin we have better things to talk about than school information. It's a village school, we've all grown up together and gone on to raise children that go there.

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:43

I've got a couple of ex-parents on my FB, but we share an interest in a specific hobby. And they are lovely people.
Honestly, parents whinge when teachers don't attent school functions and supervise discos and they whinge if we are unfriendly and they whinge if we have friends who happen to be parents...Grin
Do you give your local doctors and police officers the same grief?

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:43

Hag YY unprofessional if anyone got to know.

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:45

Did you like that system Sparkling? Or would you rather have been able to pop over and have a chat?
OP, if you want to talk to the teacher, ring or email and ask for a few minutes to chat. Although if all you want to do is stamp your feet and wail that it isn't fair, you won't get what you want in the way of attention.
Y2 teachers are good at dealing with that sort of attention-seeking.

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:47

'Hag YY unprofessional if anyone got to know.'

Every school has an official complaints procedure that is available to all parents, often in a variety of languages. If someone is being unprofessional, follow that.

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:49

I didn't mind I became a persistent emailer Hag.

Purplepixiedust · 02/07/2015 20:51

Not sure what the problem is here OP. What is unfair about it? So long as the teacher is available to speak to you if you need her them having a chat is really nothing to worry about.

The parents may know the teacher outside school, they may help in class or be part of the PTA and therefore know them a bit more than you do (if you don't do these things). They may just have hit if off after chatting in the playground and find they have something in common to chat about. They may just be brown nosing as someone else said and the teacher may be happy to chat or just being polite but whatever, not your problem really.

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:51

No need for the sighing Hag. My DC are at High School now. No chatting whatsoever. Grin

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:52

I had a set of folders in my email, one for every parent that mailed. Best way to keep contact and a papertrail if the circumstances warranted it.

HagOtheNorth · 02/07/2015 20:53

I think the sigh was relief that now I'm a supply teacher, all this pettiness and being observed and monitored is behind me now.

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2015 20:53

Brill Hag.

clam · 02/07/2015 20:54

This is a new angle for MN: AIBU to not like that my child's teacher is friendly and approachable?

Purplepoodle · 02/07/2015 20:55

What's the issue? They are being friendly. Teachers are human

cansu · 02/07/2015 21:00

Actually being friends with parents can be an issue. I think that this is a bit unprofessional, as is being facebook friends etc with parents. Yes there may be some preexisting friendships, but it is important to keep it professional at work.

Goldmandra · 02/07/2015 21:02

Half the teachers at our village school had DCs the same age as her so we became friends while they were all at pre-school.

When DD2 was born they all came to her christening and I often chatted, went camping/shared BBQs/had parties/got pissed/had meals out with them when she was at the school.

Not once in all of those years did I ever feel I was privy to any confidential information about other children or their families or that DD2 got special favours from them.

They were always also clear that chatting came second to any sort of school business at the beginning and end of the day and would break off at the slightest hint of another parent wishing to speak to them.

I think YABU, OP, unless you can come up with an example of something they have done that was actually unfair in some way.

rollonthesummer · 02/07/2015 21:06

They might be old friends!

SouthWestmom · 02/07/2015 21:10

I don't know why, but it is disconcerting.

Salmotrutta · 02/07/2015 21:12

Hmm.

I think this can be tricky if a teacher is very friendly with a parent or parents because it could be perceived as favouritism.

And must be off putting for other parents who might feel that because they aren't in the "magic circle" they have zero chance of having a quick word with the teacher actually.

And certainly up here in Scotland (where we still have the GTCS) you are told very clearly about overstepping boundaries and having parents (or pupils for that matter) on FaceBook as that would be breaching the professional code of conduct.

I'm very glad I don't teach in the town I live in tbh - means I'm unlikely to ever teach secondary pupils whose parents I know.

Salmotrutta · 02/07/2015 21:14

And even before I was a teacher I knew plenty of parents who hogged the teachers attention at pick up or whatever - or tried to...

lantien · 02/07/2015 22:02

Only noticed this as a problem once when I found the reception teacher hogged by the same parents not talking about school stuff.

They wanted parents to go into classrooms with reception children all year - not an issue with my other children but that year it seemed to make this problem worse as it was every morning about non school things or things really related to the reception child and it didn't sound like they were friends outside school which could have explained it.

It was an issue as I had a very young DC who was struggling with lots of aspects of school - and I wanted to work with the school to sort them or get to the bottom of things upsetting him. I had to fight to get to talk to her to find all her time had gone so she was very dismissive.

Ended up talking to TA and later higher up in school to sort things.

Only time had an issue as it impacted on my DC - all other teachers we've had never noticed an issue but been glad they are approachable on rare occasions it's been needed.

So if it's similar situation YANBU - otherwise I think YABU.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 02/07/2015 22:12

Oh good lord op, you should have been at my tiny village school. Half of us were distantly related to either the teachers or other students (or both). Most were farmers or from farming families, old blood as it were. Everyone knew everyone, although were not the type to go out and get pissed together. Usually saw teachers outside of school, in various local events, wasn't any point doing the whole 'talk about your weekend' stuff, most of them probably were there! Good old Welsh inbreeding Grin.

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