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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents too friendly with DS teacher. Is this U?

79 replies

Floundernemo · 02/07/2015 20:06

My DS is in year 2 at a big primary school. Two of the other mums are really chatty and friendly with my DS class teacher, making her laugh and always chatting to her lots before and after school. AIBU? Are they just being friendly? Is the teacher secretly just being polite but really would rather not talk to them? It is just really obvious it is these same mums every day. It just doesn't seem very professional or fair somehow, can't quite put my finger on it. All changing next year anyway with new teacher but wanted to hear some opinion or if others have experienced similar.

OP posts:

manicinsomniac · 02/07/2015 22:14

YABU

My DD2's teacher is one of my best friends.

I teach several of my friends' children.

I'm not going to base my career or school choice around avoiding my friends and/or their chidren!

CamelliaA · 02/07/2015 22:28

If I'd realised what sort of weird thoughts were going through playground mother's heads, I'd have HE'd

Hippymama · 03/07/2015 11:48

YABU.

We live in a very small village and out of the 5 teachers at the school, 2 live in the village and also have children at the school. In fact, their children make up almost 10% of the children on roll! Most of the parents are friendly with the teachers and we all socialise on a fairly regular basis. Not a problem here.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 12:23

I think we like to think our children are all treated equally. I suspect that seeing these parents chatting each morning, panics some parents. Suspecting that they are possibly passing on, or gaining privileged information.
The reality is very different (of course) it is highly unprofessional to discuss anything other than things about their child.
My children attend a small village school, l've seen and heard things l shouldn't. I think it's human nature, if you are all huddled together in a small place.

Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 12:53

Yabu. Ds teacher used to work for me when she was studying I chat to her. I also make sure if I do there isn't anyone stood waiting for her. Usually she is just stood by the door on the way out.

If someone approached us I would make myself scarce and never go talk to her if she was already speaking to her.

Maybe they just like her and realise she is a human being too.

Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 12:56

Oh and you will see me chatting the HT at plays or events.....we don't get on. But she is my child's HT so I make nice. She isn't keen on me either, we have butted heads on issues and just clash. But we both make a huge effort. Her because she is professional, me because (whatever I think of her) she is the head teacher and I don't want an atmosphere.

In some ways it's actually better to be like this. We both know eachother will be honest but not hold a grudge.

lynniep · 03/07/2015 12:59

YABU. What a strange post. Teachers are people too! One of DS2s recption teachers has a DD in her own class. Should we avoid her at parties because she is a teacher and therefore should not be friends with us parents?

Sparklingbrook · 03/07/2015 13:07

I really don't think the post is strange. Shame the OP hasn't returned to comment though.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 13:32

I think this is one of those posts where contributers are tripping over themselves to appear cool with it all!
I would like op to return too.

Sparklingbrook · 03/07/2015 13:33

I think you are right Gosh.

WaltJunior · 03/07/2015 13:50

We don't chat before school but are 'available' in the playground after school unless meeting/after school club in which case the ta takes them out.
Totally understand where op is coming from I can't stand the brown nosers they are always there it's very difficult to get away or speak to other parents and it does feel uncomfortable. Tbh those parents that are my friends (5 or 6) don't really hang around chatting in the playground we save that for the pub

Salmotrutta · 03/07/2015 13:52

Well, I know a teacher who is friends with the parent of a pupil at the school.
Said parent is well known for complaining at the drop of a hat and backing the child no matter what.
When this teacher has to deal with a complaint from the parent it's going to be awkward to say the least. And there most likely will be a complaint from the parent; its a very regular occurrence
And the parent will expect the teacher to give in - it's how this particular parent operates.

How does that square with being friends?

downgraded · 03/07/2015 14:03

What are you supposed to do Salmo? Drop a friend? Or (more reasonably) refuse to have the child in your class?

If you teach and live within the same community, it's really unavoidable. However, as long as everyone remains professional there shouldn't be a problem.

If the mother in the OP is hogging the teacher's time, then the teacher needs to be aware of ti and to make herself available fairly for the other parents.

But the OP seems to think the friendliness is an issue full stop. My view is that, as long as the teacher is professional, why should it be an issue?

I don't see how pointing out that you are friendly with some of the parents of the kids you teach is "falling over yourself to be cool". Cool how??

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 14:08

My point was that posters here are explaining that they wouldn't be bothered by a teacher having their time monopolised by the same patents every morning. In my school, tongues would start to wag - some parents would be fed up.
The op mentioned the same parents every day. I don't think that is the same as 'just being friends'

chewymeringue · 03/07/2015 14:08

I'm a teacher in a village school and have been for nearly 20 years. I'm teaching the children of people I used to have in my class. Obviously, in all that time I've become very good friends with many of the families. The thing is I do agree you have to be a bit sensitive about things like this and I'm very careful about making sure I make time to chat to lots of the parents during dropping off and picking up session. I would never just stand and chat to a couple of them. I think that's unprofessional.

PatriciaHolm · 03/07/2015 14:10

Reverse? OP, are you one of the friendly ones and someone has got their nose out of joint about it?

chewymeringue · 03/07/2015 14:12

X post Gosh. I think you are right. Teachers ought to be sensitive to things like that. Say there was a problem between 2 children in my class, one of whom has a parent whose my friend and they see me chatting to that parent daily. The parent of the other child might feel uncomfortable about approaching me to talk about the situation. That's very unfair.

nigelslaterfan · 03/07/2015 14:12

I'm massively friendly to dd's teacher but am always careful to be quick and if anyone else is around the contact is based on stuff that needs to be said and then at once let the next parent speak to the teacher.
Teacher hogging is irritating.
Everyone should be brief if possible.

chewymeringue · 03/07/2015 14:14

Who's not whose!

Fudgeface123 · 03/07/2015 14:14

The OP sounds very like the same person who posted about inappropriate dresses on the school run!

Sparklingbrook · 03/07/2015 14:15

Plenty of time for teacher hogging at parents' evening. It's probably the same parents that take twice the amount of time allotted that chat in the morning.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 14:17

I had a TA a few years back - request that l'd l had any problems with her son, l was to take it up with her. Not to speak to the teacher. (her son was very heavy handed with mine) We hadn't been back in the UK that long - l think l agreed to it?
Anyway... Don't know if that is particularly relevant, just that l think there is a fine line in schools, especially teeny tiny village ones.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 14:20

sparkling Yes. Exactly.
We had a parent at the class rep meeting, decide to use it as another parents evening! I could only laugh. The headteacher left the meeting with his hair on end!

NorahDentressangle · 03/07/2015 14:23

YANBU

Either Teach loves chatting to DPs in which case she shouldn't only chat to the two same DPs daily whilst also making it awkward for other DPs to get a word in.

Or Teach doesn't love chatting after school and the DPs should not hold her up. I'm sure there is class work or prep she could be doing.

Salmotrutta · 03/07/2015 14:23

The best answer downgraded is to teach in a different community to the one you live in (obviously that's not always easy and if you do live and teach in the same town be very careful to be professional in the workplace).
I avoided applying for the jobs coming up in my home town because of this but was lucky there were jobs in other towns - I really didn't like the idea of a potential "conflict of interest" rearing its head.
But I do realise not everyone has as much choice where to teach before I get flamed.
It's like being a doctor or policeman in the same town you live in - you probably don't relish treating or arresting your friends and I certainly wouldn't like to be teaching the children or grandchildren of friends.

It's also tricky teaching colleagues kids though - had a few interesting moments with that

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