To think paedophilia isn't a daily mail invention?

[kingofshadows]

As the weather gets warmer I have already noticed various threads about where to permit children to be naked and the inevitable answers state that there 'isn't a paedophile around every corner!' (generally with a hearty 'gosh, how silly!' tone), that people who don't let their innocent children remove their clothing are ruining their childhoods and the Daily Mail readers are the ones who don't let their children run round in this state.

I have never bought a copy of the Daily Mail.

However, I do think - know - paedophiles exist.

Aibu to be sick of the insinuation that those of us who are concerned about sexual abuse of our children are hysterical daily mail readers?

Can I ask how we protect children at home? Obviously not leaving them alone and being watchful and mindful but do I never leave her with anyone ever? I'm awfully tempted to never leave her with anyone ever.

A friend took pictures of his own children at a pool. He was reported. He was arrested on suspicion, no evidence, nothing. He killed himself because somebody was over cautious.

surely the point is not whether a naked child on the beach is at immediate risk of being attacked, they are not. But that you may be, in a sense, putting your naked child in front of the gaze of a paedophile, thereby reinforcing that man's desire for children, and basically, to be crude, giving him 'wank fodder' to use later, and it ¡s not what I would do with any child I cared about or was responsible for.

kingofshadows - how?? You put their clothes back on over their swimming costume?

ps. why would he bother to risk his freedom by going online to search for naked children, when they they are freely available to look at, with no consequences.

dawn that's not a problem with the over cautious person, that's a problem with how he was treated once reported.

Potentially he was vulnerable and should have been protected, potentially his identity should have secret.

What should happen is people being too worried to report or anyone like you putting it in people's minds that you should ever think twice about reporting suspicions. What next trying to deter people from reporting suspected rape as all they have is concerns and not 100% proof?

Crumbly

It's difficult.
I focussed on total openness. Secrets are not allowed. They were all told that if anyone ever told them to keep a secret they had to tell me immediately. I had few birthday surprises
I was always alert to anyone trying to create private time, even - in fact especially - if they feigned disinterest. My abuser would actually moan about times he had access to me.

I think you can actually over protect. Children need to have confidence. Paedophiles can spot a victim a miles away - the child desperate for attention, for approval. I encouraged my kids to be open in voicing their opinions about friends and family.

It doesn't bother me insofar as I wouldn't tell a parent not to do so with their own children, I just choose not to let mine roam around naked in public for a myriad of reasons. Potential paedophilic fantasies are one of many - including the fact I don't think it looks 'naice' ; I would worry about an accident and sunburn.

I just don't like the immediate leap from 'well no, I'm a bit concerned about - ' to 'DAILY MAIL READER'

Dawn that's very sad and I know there are similar cases, but I can't help but feel that where child abuse and exploration is concerned over cautiousness is better than the opposite extreme.

Exactly my point dejard

But putting it bluntly how does it affect a child if a paedophile wanks when thinking of them? That sort of logic is moving towards the reasons behind burkas and so on.

Tusker - yes, towels?

Can we stop with the 'wanks over child' comments, please?

That's awful Dawndonna. And I imagine far more common an outcome than we'd like to think. Poor man.

I totally agree as well (as ever ) with Fenella...of course it's horrible that/if some creep takes a pic of my child to smack the monkey to later. But has it hurt my child? No.

I'm wary of saying that, because a while back I said exactly that on a totally hysterical "paaaaaedo" thread on here and was accused of complicity and putting my child at risk by some MNers with the braincell count of an amoebic molecule

dejarderoncar when I was about 9 I was in a shopping mall and my father's girlfriend suddenly pulled me onto a bench and stood in front of me. She looked really angry, and then hissed "that man was looking at your legs" and beckoned my father over to talk in hushed tones about it. I had no idea anyone was looking at my legs and I wouldn't have cared if I had seen it, since I wouldn't have linked it with anything sexual. It made me very self-conscious about baring my legs though - because of her reaction, not the man (who may have been entirely innocent, lost in thought while I was in his eyeline).

I would teach my children about inappropriate touching and red flag behaviour, not that showing their skin will make bad men do bad things to them.

What do you think they do with the pics then OP?

Are rates of paedophila higher in countries where public nudity for small children is more widespread ( ie beaches and swimming lakes in Scandinavia and Germany?) Are they lower in countries like the USA or Saudi, I suspect not. I think nudity and child abuse are probably very separate issues.

I get what you are saying OP, and it's true that on MN you do get the scoffing "there's not a peado on every corner ya know" when actually there probably is.
I never had a child who was into being naked, but I do know that certain places-playgrounds, water parks etc are magnets for sickos, and I don't like the idea of my child being mental fodder either.
It doesn't alter our behaviour at these places, but it's not a nice thought.
And as for the fathers/uncles/ family friends thing; well, yes,probably a lot of the men surreptitiously photographing children at the park are also those things. There are not 2 distinct tribes I don't think.
It is fucking horrifying, and so hard to trust anyone really.
Are as many women pedophiles and if not, why not??

kingofshadows wtf you cannot towel-dry a child in a wet swimming costume without removing it! That kind of thing is when it tips over the edge into nonsensical behaviour.

My DD is only 2 so I worry if anything happened she would not be able to tell me. We have a lot of different family dynamics - mum, dad, step-dad and step-mum. I feel I am too protective and I don't want to alienate all of the men/women also in her life but sometimes I get upset as the thought is so horrifying. Also, I'm very aware that it is the new partner in a lot of cases and I don't feel I could forgive myself if she was ever put in that situation. I do have a really bad anxiety disorder though and have been abused by a family member. It's just hard to know how much is too much. Excuse the rant, this has been on my mind for months now and I needed to get it out!

Oh OK tusker, I'm guessing when you go on holiday and swim in the sea you then strip off and roam around naked do you?

No?

It's not rocket science

Drank - there are ways of putting things and 'wanks over child' is horrendously disrespectful to the many victims of images of child sexual abuse but do carry on if you are unable to express yourself using any other phrase; I'm hiding the thread, it's gone fucking revolting.

If not no, to my knowledge paedophilia is rarer in women, I can't remember why.

pagwatch As a side note, your relationship with your children sounds lovely to be so open.

Er no, I don't "roam around naked" but I do take my wet swimming costume off and put dry clothes on before I go home. I would definitely not want my children wearing a wet costume for the rest of the day after swimming

It took a while , but the underminers wait until they see a good opportunity.

I agree with you op re the scarey numbers of pedos- so do the police.

How many children does 1 paedo assault over a lifetime? 10,20,30,40---?

What % of those victims feel compelled to act out their assaults on other children over their lifetimes? 1% 10% 20%-x 10/20/30--?

It's mind freezingly horrifying to think about.

They are everywhere, including MN.

Tbh Kingofshadows Aibu + paedophiles + Daily Mail was hardly going to be a vision of reasonable discourse.
Of course it's gone fucking revolting.