To think everyone believes they look/feel/act younger then they are?

[scalala]

This probably goes more for those over 30 but it gets more noticable as you get older that everyone men and women all seem to think they are somehow especially "young" for their age. For example online dating which thankfully I don't need to use but which many of my friend do we are late 30's and a huge majority of men only want to be contacted by women their exact age or much younger as if a year or two older is like dating the crypt keeper. The argument they give is that they look and act much younger and so a women their age or older wouldn't be able to keep up with them or do the things they like to do gigs, traveling etc because they some how imagine women their age are all home darning socks and making stovies.

The truth is that women also often feel or imagine that the men their age seem a bit slow and tired and they feel they would prefer a younger, more energetic partner.

Another example I have a friend the same age as me who recentl told me she was looking forward to her high school reunion next year because she feels she has aged much better than her peers and still looks like a twenty something. I hardly knew what to say, she is beautiful but she looks every one of her 37 years and has plenty of deep lines and wrinkles she says they are just the same as when she was a child so not age related but they are the signs of ageing.

Everyone is always telling each other how young we look, it is the biggest compliment we can give and receive after 35 but so often it isn't really true! Also we all have different ideas of what youth means for some it is blonde hair and tan for others it is fitting into skinny jeans and for other it is all about skin quality. It is fine to get a boost or compliment a friend but it just perpetuates this who we have to look young to be worthy or attractive and it piles on the pressure to use various treatments.

Why not tell a friend that she looks glowing if her skin is good or that you admire her energy / fitness or the way she handles her problems with such grace and so on rather than the you look so young.

3 things spring to mind..I got beeped last night at the grand old age of 43 so I now don't give a shit. wouldhave scowled at 18

One of my patients tells me I look much younger shes blind Im shameless
My nan is my role model she was never seen without bouffant bleached and quoiffed hair, nails, full make up and heels. Ever! She was 80s when she died and that was 20 yrs ago. I'm not living my life dictated too by social constructs of age. I had enough of that angst in my 20s.

I do catch myself thinking I can wear things I'm too old for now. I also get a surprise when I see my reflection in shop windows sometimes as on some level I still expect to see a lythe young thing slinking by. But when I have a good look in the mirror I think Iactually look older than I really am. Complicated, all this ageing business.

yabu op purely because your friend cannot look 37. She can look in her late 30s, ok, but not 37.

I'm the same age as her, for the record and my peers are varying levels of aging, some look well in 40s, some could be younger.

Also dating sites aren't the real world

I'm 26, I always feel like I look around 40 because I have alot of grey hair, my skin isn't good and I am overweight.

Today though, 2 people assumed I was under 20 and mum still cooked my dinner, so that was nice .

Still getting asked for id at 34 is no fun, I do look loads younger no wrinkles or Grey hair yet! ... But I've come to realise I probably don't look anywhere near as great as I did 10 years ago

I find the value of youth a sad thing really. Not only because I'm past it but because late teens and twenty somethings seem to regard anyone older as a different species. Sure, they look wonderful and are supercool now, but it's so fleeting and once it's gone there needs to be so much more to a person than how they look.

YANBU

I'm 47, feel 30, apart from when I feel 47. :)

I'm one of those annoying people who do actually look ten years younger than they are.

seriously.

I don't think you're being unreasonably though OP. I'm just exceptionally youthful

I'm 47 and I get beeped all the time. Massive s.

But I have aged hideously since I was 45 - thyroid disease made me gain loads of weight, and while I wasn't thin before I now look stumpy and middle-aged. Well, I honestly don't care - having felt as ill as that, I'm so bloody grateful it wasn't fatal I rejoice daily in being able to move, three stone extra or not.

Getting beeped... Whoopdedoo. I hate it and still do. Fuckers.

They beep any female shape, no?

I prefer the Ullman poem quoted upthread.

I now understand why dveryone thinks they look younger yhan they are: as we look younger than our parents generation did at our age!

Have you also noticed babyboomers still refer to themselves as "middle aged", at 60+ when really, we in our 40s ARE the true middle aged

middle aged is a vile term. I never hear anyone describe themselves as this.

I do. I'm deep into middle age. Why do you think it's vile? It's just a life stage.

Cain - thank you for the poem. This line "Years wrinkle the skin but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul." is truly wonderful. I am approaching 60 - I'm sure I look it but I still like to experience new challenges, I love the optimism and idealism of many young people (work in a college) and hope I never lose my enthusiasm for life

When I was 32 my neighbour asked me what I had done to celebrate my 40th

Admittedly I don't care too much what I look like 99% of the time and DH and most of my friends are all a fair bit older than me. But still.

Getting beeped/wolf-whistled is as hideous as a 40-something as it ever was as a 20-something.

YANBU.

And in fact, FB is quite an eye-opener on this front. Your friends will comment on their friends (who you don't know from a bar of soap), and it comes up on your news feed. With me?

And they'll say things like, 'stunning', 'you look just the same hun', 'you haven't aged at all'. When you're a 40-something, the compliments are often thus. You would never say, 'you haven't aged at all' to someone genuinely youthful. Clearly if you need to say it, the flatteree is getting on.

And so there's this random person's dial smiling at you from your news feed, and you're thinking - objectively - well, they look lovely, very smiley, but perhaps not actually stunning. And if they looked like that when they were 18, then life must've been pretty tough.

Oh, and Skype is a bitch for bringing you down to earth. You think you look alright, and then your mug pops up on the screen when you're skyping and Janey H, it's grim...

Getting wolf whistled at my age is HILARIOUS!!
I feel like marching over to say "Oi mate, when did you last get your eyes checked?"

I'm happily middle-aged. I think I'd be insulted or at least very confused if you called me 'young'. As for old... the word is the prerogative of DC but otherwise, if I'm old, what does that make MIL or my grandmother?

Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years.

Huh? that's precisely what growing old means.
I really hate all this Young = good. Old = Bad business. Pisses me off.

Thank you for the poem Cain - lovely.

The OP mentions people who think they don't look/feel/act their age - but we tend to focus on looks - sadly.

However I notice that experience is very much devalued in our society. I am not sure why, perhaps a combination of fast-moving technology, the emphasis on looks and the feeling that we can do anything we want and we don't want to hear any reasons why it might not be a good idea.

You see it everywhere - even on here!! Anyone mentioning experience is dismissed as being out of touch, fuddy-duddy, irrelevant. And then we make the same mistakes again.

I think that is why so many are keen to say that they act young for their age because it seems to be synonymous with joy, fun, etc rather than curmudgeonliness!

YANBU

However, I'm curious as to why MNetters are continually broadcasting their age to all and sundry. I can't remember the last time I volunteered this information (52 btw). Why does it crop up in your interactions?

In face to face, and to some extent phone conversations we can take a reasonable guess at someone's age. Not here so I suppose people want to include it to give their points some context. But , yes, I agree Cait - odd..

BabyGanoush, my DM took exception to my referring to myself as middle-aged, saying "if you are, what does that make me?" I asked her exactly how long she planned on living, if she was claiming middle aged at 60!

God some of this is so depressing. I'm in my mid-30s. I still 'look pretty' fgs and I still 'turn head's. Maybe not as many as when I was 20 and different ones certainly, but I am not 'old'.

Surely it's not about looking younger, but that nowadays we no longer think 40 is past it. This is a good thing.

Um, I got ID'd last weekend for the bottle of wine in my M&S Dine In For 2 deal... I'm 31.