To think everyone believes they look/feel/act younger then they are?

[scalala]

This probably goes more for those over 30 but it gets more noticable as you get older that everyone men and women all seem to think they are somehow especially "young" for their age. For example online dating which thankfully I don't need to use but which many of my friend do we are late 30's and a huge majority of men only want to be contacted by women their exact age or much younger as if a year or two older is like dating the crypt keeper. The argument they give is that they look and act much younger and so a women their age or older wouldn't be able to keep up with them or do the things they like to do gigs, traveling etc because they some how imagine women their age are all home darning socks and making stovies.

The truth is that women also often feel or imagine that the men their age seem a bit slow and tired and they feel they would prefer a younger, more energetic partner.

Another example I have a friend the same age as me who recentl told me she was looking forward to her high school reunion next year because she feels she has aged much better than her peers and still looks like a twenty something. I hardly knew what to say, she is beautiful but she looks every one of her 37 years and has plenty of deep lines and wrinkles she says they are just the same as when she was a child so not age related but they are the signs of ageing.

Everyone is always telling each other how young we look, it is the biggest compliment we can give and receive after 35 but so often it isn't really true! Also we all have different ideas of what youth means for some it is blonde hair and tan for others it is fitting into skinny jeans and for other it is all about skin quality. It is fine to get a boost or compliment a friend but it just perpetuates this who we have to look young to be worthy or attractive and it piles on the pressure to use various treatments.

Why not tell a friend that she looks glowing if her skin is good or that you admire her energy / fitness or the way she handles her problems with such grace and so on rather than the you look so young.

[pandarific]

We'll see if it lasts, though! ;)

[pandarific]

I am feeling a bit smug, because the office manager at work actually checked with HR, thinking there was an error in my file. She thought I was in my early twenties (just about to turn 31!).

[girliefriend]

I think this is true as well, I am 36 now and it still surprises me that I have grey hairs and am starting to get wrinkles! That said I don't think I look older than I am iyswim. I think I 'peaked' in my early 20s, all down hill from then on

[Marynary]

I think I look my age and I certainly feel it. People sometimes say I look younger but I'm sure that happens to most people. Few people actually do look much younger than their true age without plastic surgery etc.

[Back2Two]

We have no respect for aging or old age in this society.
We try to deny our mortality for so long. But our bodies do age. It is inevitable and we will become infirm we will look old.
It's such a shame that we push this whole era of our life away and make it shameful.

[Back2Two]

That's a really good OP

[Zillie77]

Whenever people tell me I look younger than I am, I like to say, "No I don't, this is one version of what 48 looks like!"

[Oldraver]

I would hate to think I look older than I do but dont kid myself I look younger, though I can relate to lovereadings post .

I do know that when I met my MIL she was only a year older than I am now (50) but she seemed soooo old. She just seemed to of missed middle age and gone straight to very old. In her clothes, her ways, etc . Her sister was the same and they were many woman from the area they were from the same....worn out woman old before their time. My Mum is only 15 years younger than MIL, but there was a world of difference to her at 50 and MIL.

I would say I'm similar in some ways to my Mum at 50 but with the added bonus of a 9 year old to run around after

[tobysmum77]

I dont see middle age as a life stage. Surely it depends on how long you live so for some its 30 and others its 55. No one knows this information in advance. The life stage is adulthood imo.

[helenahandbag]

I'm 25, I look about 19 and I feel/act about 78

I spend most of my day complaining that there's a draught, wondering how I hurt my hip/back/shoulder and complaining about loud noises, including the screechy children who play outside my flat.

[Radiatorvalves]

I'm v happy with my looks age (at44) whereas at 18 I was overweight and unhappy. I saw a photo of a school reunion and thought I'd fared better than average. While I think I probably look early 40s, I work with many people in their 20s and 30s who think I am late 30s...perhaps they are being kind? I am quite fit and size 12... I think that makes a difference. I also get rid of the grey hairs and tweeze out chin hairs. And no one can see my artificial hip...

[loveareadingthanks]

I think I look a bit older than I really am. Stressful last few years has had a visible effect on me. I'm rather shocked when I look in the mirror, I have none of that 'freshness' people can have at any age. With any luck when things are less stressful that'll improve but the extra wrinkles and worry lines are here to stay.

How old do I feel? I feel my age. I don't still feel 16, or 26 or 36 because I am older and wiser since then, and I think I'm a better, smarter, calmer person these days. We are like wine and keep maturing and developing all our lives and I think it's a bit sad when people wish all that experience away.

But I don't feel 'old' or even middle aged in the sense that it used to mean. The sensible cardies and watching TV every night. I'm always looking for new things to try, new people to meet, new foods to eat, new experiences. Fun. Liveliness. As well as the more sedate things previously associated with middle age.

So last weekend I did National Trust visit in daytime, with naice picnic, and then in the evening pogoing and jumping around in mosh pit at a gig while getting wankered on pints. Which is old or young behaviour? I saw lots of young families at the NT. I saw lots of middle aged people at the gig. We all have more freedom to be ourselves these days without being judged. Not that we should care about being judged.

[Orrery]

I think a lot of people are ageing well these days - better health and lifestyle. But I also wonder if we get 'stuck' at a certain age in our head and our body just carries on ageing without our mind keeping up!!

I think for me I identify most with the years around my student days - those are the days that I finally felt like 'me' - the person I had been growing towards, the lifestyle I had been aspiring towards, the awareness of the world I had been hungering for (does any of this make sense?).

I also have a theory that all people are effectively 'single' people until they become a parent, because even when you are a couple you still have a lot of freedom to spend your money on personal choices, music, clothes, holidays etc. So you are able to maintain your idea of yourself. When you become a parent, your own personal development has to take a back seat, and I wonder if people's idea of themselves gets stuck at this point, rather than being continually updated???? Being very psycho babble now!!!

[OrangeVase]

I see what you mean Cait.

I never really mention my age. I had DCs late so am older than many of the mothers of my kids. I just fit in as a generic mother of a XXyr old child.

At work - I am just doing a job - and my friends know how old I am.

Maybe if it is important to you to look younger than you are and you think that you do - then it is something you would mention as an achievement. I don't dismiss that. Hours in the gym, attention to what you eat and time, money and care taken on clothes and grooming IS something to be proud of if the results are good.

I worry more about the attitude to older people generally - but that is another thread. (And we had quite a few of those earlier in the year!!)

[FraggleHair]

I would say peeps are in their prime at 17- 19.

I disagree. I had my 20 year school reunion recently and I was in awe at how much better so many people looked compared to their gawky 18 year old selves.

[CaitBlanky]

Orange - sorry, I wasn't clear; I meant why do so many MNetters share their age in real life. They must do in order to be told they look or act youthful. Whereas, I never feel the need to.

Floisme - 'old = bad' pisses me off too.

[FrChewieLouie]

Well, I'm 46 this month and I have EMBRACED middle age. I don't want to be young and I don't really care if I look my age. I think maturity is terribly underrated and I would absolutely hate to be with a man who behaved like a 20something.

I do, however, still feel like a stroppy adolescent a lot of the time.

[TriJo]

Um, I got ID'd last weekend for the bottle of wine in my M&S Dine In For 2 deal... I'm 31.

[BuggersMuddle]

God some of this is so depressing. I'm in my mid-30s. I still 'look pretty' fgs and I still 'turn head's. Maybe not as many as when I was 20 and different ones certainly, but I am not 'old'.

Surely it's not about looking younger, but that nowadays we no longer think 40 is past it. This is a good thing.

[TheBookofRuth]

BabyGanoush, my DM took exception to my referring to myself as middle-aged, saying "if you are, what does that make me?" I asked her exactly how long she planned on living, if she was claiming middle aged at 60!

[OrangeVase]

In face to face, and to some extent phone conversations we can take a reasonable guess at someone's age. Not here so I suppose people want to include it to give their points some context. But , yes, I agree Cait - odd..

[CaitBlanky]

YANBU

However, I'm curious as to why MNetters are continually broadcasting their age to all and sundry. I can't remember the last time I volunteered this information (52 btw). Why does it crop up in your interactions?

[OrangeVase]

Thank you for the poem Cain - lovely.

The OP mentions people who think they don't look/feel/act their age - but we tend to focus on looks - sadly.

However I notice that experience is very much devalued in our society. I am not sure why, perhaps a combination of fast-moving technology, the emphasis on looks and the feeling that we can do anything we want and we don't want to hear any reasons why it might not be a good idea.

You see it everywhere - even on here!! Anyone mentioning experience is dismissed as being out of touch, fuddy-duddy, irrelevant. And then we make the same mistakes again.

I think that is why so many are keen to say that they act young for their age because it seems to be synonymous with joy, fun, etc rather than curmudgeonliness!