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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming over this. Thoughtless or just stupid?

70 replies

Cuppacoffeeinthebigtime · 02/07/2015 12:30

I was working late last night leaving DH to put kids to bed. I arrived home at 1am. Within 15 minutes of getting home, my DS started to really cry. He is sobbing, shouting that he thirsty. I went up to him with a drink and was horrified. Poor Ds had been put to bed wearing thick fleece pyjamas. I mean these are proper winter pyjamas. It is boiling hot in the bedroom. He is literally soaking wet with sweat, hair dripping, hysterical.

I go into DH who is lying asleep in just his pants on top of the sheet. He says he insisted on wearing those ones (he is 4 years old ffs and he likes the pjs because they have Woody on them) and he thought it would be ok as the temperature would likely drop in the night. I was livid and am still livid now thinking about it and can barely bring myself to respond to his messages today. Am I overreacting here?

OP posts:
NomiMalone · 02/07/2015 12:33

I think you're overreacting a wee bit to be "horrified" and "livid".

No harm was done in the end.

That said, your DH is an absolute twonk.

Pootles2010 · 02/07/2015 12:33

Yeah you are, sorry. He was stupid, and thoughtless! But not nasty or mean, which would justify being livid.

If he's 4, I would say he's old enough to wriggle out of his pjs if he's too warm - thats what we've taught DS to do.

FeralBeryl · 02/07/2015 12:35

Yes we had the same here a few nights ago with a Frozen fleece onesie - cue sodden whinge bag by 1am. I politely pointed out that if the kids had also insisted on drinking vodka/driving a car/sweating etc, would he shrug and say they 'wanted to' ?
NO. So grow a backbone you lazy sod. Hmm
So no YANBU to be pissed off, but YABU to blank him, say your piece then move forwards

Velociraptor · 02/07/2015 12:37

YABU. Your DH misjudged the situation, but it is not that big a deal. I have certainly made bigger mistakes as a parent, and I would not have expected DH to be horrified or livid when that happened. I bet your DS won't want to wear thick PJ's to bed tonight!

GnomeDePlume · 02/07/2015 12:38

It was a mistake. That is all.

Seeing it as anything is a massive overreaction

However yesterday I saw a lot of frayed tempers at work down to people overheating so I would suggest that may be the cause of your reaction.

Thurlow · 02/07/2015 12:38

Yes. It's annoying, but hardly the worse thing ever. If your DS was tired and grumpy and refusing to wear anything but those pyjamas, your DH might have thought that letting him wear them was the only way to get him to sleep.

But being so angry you don't even want to reply to his messages? Complete overreaction.

CrapBag · 02/07/2015 12:39

I think you are massively overreacting tbh.

But your DH was extremely thoughtless and being an idiot. The temperature doesn't drop that much on summer nights. Mine are going to bed in their nappy/trunks because the bedrooms are so hot at night. If it was acceptable for him to sleep in pants on top of the covers then he was stupid to think a child would be ok to sleep in fleecy winter pyjamas.

TheWitTank · 02/07/2015 12:39

I wouldn't be fuming. Mildly pissy maybe, but it was just a thoughtless moment of stupidity. My two always stripped themselves off at 4 -I would regularly come in to naked bums poking out of blankets!

Purplepixiedust · 02/07/2015 12:41

Being horrified and livid is an over reaction. He made a mistake. Tell him it was stupid (presumably you have) and move on. He won't do it again.

VivaLeBeaver · 02/07/2015 12:42

Big over reaction. it was daft of your dh but thats it.

Purplepixiedust · 02/07/2015 12:43

Oh and it was both thoughtless and stupid but not any reason to blank him.

fluffybunnies246 · 02/07/2015 12:45

we had a similar situation a couple of days ago with a tiger fleece onesie and 5yr old

H couldn't see that wearing it would be a problem as she probably (?) wouldn't use the duvet, and she wanted to wear it.

Luckily she was not asleep- I made her take it off. As I am the grown up Hmm

agreed YANBU to be annoyed at the time, but it sounds like your DH was being extremely dim rather than deliberately neglectful, is it worth continuing to be annoyed?

AuntyMag10 · 02/07/2015 12:46

Yes you are ridiculously overreacting. That's what your ds chose, what if he threw a tantrum if he didn't wear the pjs. What would your dh have done.
Btw he is 4, can't he take them off himself?

smoothieooo · 02/07/2015 12:49

I would be pissed off. I remember when DS1 was just over a year old and DH had taken a rare day off to look after him as I had to travel. I arrived home on a sweltering hot day (DH was shirtless in the garden, having beers with a friend) and DS1 was still wearing the long sleeved babygro (with feet) that he'd been to bed in.

I started off with pleasantries i.e. "Is it warm enough for you?" ... then hit the fucking roof! In my defence, I didn't realise I was pg with DS2 and hormones played their part...

Original poster
Cuppacoffeeinthebigtime · 02/07/2015 12:50

Ok, it turns out I am indeed overreacting. I had visions of him overheating and something terrible happening. Thanks all - obviously needed some perspective (feeling a bit bad now for stomping into DH at 1am in the morning and calling him an idiot)

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 02/07/2015 12:56

I would be absolutely livid too OP so don't think you were over reacting too much. Is this I divisive of how your OH is in general with your son or more of a one off?

If it was a one off then I would be momentarily angry but if this is how he is generally then I think you need to have a word re. lazy parenting as to my mind this is when serious accidents can and do happen.

DeeWe · 02/07/2015 12:57

Agree with the others. I've had situations where mine have wanted to wear unsuitable stuff and only that at that age. I let them on the basis that it's not worth an arguement and they'll change their mind if they get uncomfortable.
In your dh's case I'd probably have thought that I'd nip up once asleep and strip him down to pants.
At 4yo I'd have expected your ds to strip himself too. Not uncommon for me to find ds at that age was wearing somthing totally different in the morning.

And actually letting them learn by making the mistake helps. My dc listen to me if I say they'll be too hot/cold/whatever. In fact they're likely to come and consult with me if they're not sure, and they generally could make sensible choices on what type of clothes to wear from not long after 4yo because they had discovered that actually they don't like being the wrong temperature. Whereas some of their friends whose parents always told them what to wear, parents are struggling to get them to wear appropriate stuff as they're old enough to say "no", but haven't learnt what is a good idea.

BarbarianMum · 02/07/2015 13:00

It did. He woke up. But beyond that, no at 4 if he gets overheated he'll wake up and winge. Or soon, get himself a drink, strip naked and demand a fan - like my 7 year old last night.

RobotHamster · 02/07/2015 13:04

I dunno, I'd be pretty fucked off. This is the kind of thing DP does. He sent DD to nursery in long sleeves, fleece trousers and beach shoes Confused and the wrong sized nappy the other day and then wondered why I was pissed off with him. It's not that hard to get it right is it? Summer = summer clothes. Well. Mostly.

I think it's a fairly natural reaction to feel like this btw, he's supposed to be the parent here and was being a bit dim about it.

Baguettes · 02/07/2015 13:31

I'd be really fucked off. Stupid thing to do.

TheTravellingLemon · 02/07/2015 13:39

I'd be pissed off too and I would have woken him up to call him an idiot also Grin. It's just the thoughtlessness that would wind me up. If you were standing next to him saying 'do you think fleece pajamas are a good idea in 35 degree heat?' He would obviously know the answer. He just didn't bother to think about it.

toofytrub · 02/07/2015 13:56

If it's part of a habit of being thoughtless and not willing to be the grown up then I'd be annoyed - and yes, would worry about the effects of heat and dehydration too.

I'd have shown ds that dh only had pants on to sleep and see if he wanted to choose a pair of pants or thin shorts to sleep in and those would be his choices rather than just giving him free reign. I's also hope that dh would have understood why he made the wrong decision - both in regards to a) he gave in to a 4 year old and b) he was willing to let the 4 yr get - at best - uncomfortable and - at worst - make himself ill; did he genuinely not see the problems (in which case he needs to get his head screwed on properly) or did he see the problems but figure it was easier for him to let ds do what he wanted and thus he didn't care enough about his ds's health to sort this out. I'd want to know if he will be making the same sort of choices in the future too!

Pagwatch · 02/07/2015 13:59

I'd be really fucked off too. And I wouldn't have felt the slightest bit bad about waking DH up and telling him he was a dick.

Eminado · 02/07/2015 14:01

Sorry but i would be annoyed.

I dont think dad's should be allowed to get away with this sort of krap parenting.

Yesterday was the hottest day of the year ffs! He needs to parent like an adult, not a poor sub.

PurpleSwift · 02/07/2015 14:11

Really stupid of him and on a younger child it would be dangerous. This is pretty basic stuff and I'd be pretty speechless at the oversight. As it is no harm was done though, and he now knows for the future.

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