To be upset,, embarrassed and ashamed of this situation?

[AshamedEmbarrassedAndAll]

I have namechanged as in all honesty I feel utterly ashamed of this situation and am very upset.

DD is 6 and is in year 1 at school. At the beginning of reception she became friends with another girl. The mum chatted to me a lot and we met up a few times with the girls, but the mum was extremely full on, eg she told me after she'd known me for a few weeks that I was one of her best friends, and she wanted constant text contact throughout the day and wanted to see me every day.

It was all very demanding and I didn't feel comfortable so I disengaged with her a bit, but was of course still polite and friendly. And by this stage DD and her DD had drifted anyway and each seemed to have other friends at school.

It all resulted anyway in her marching up to me at collection one day and shouting loudly in front of others calling me a terrible friend, as well as other not very nice names. Followed up by several telephone calls telling me not to ever speak to her again, as well as threats such as this is only the beginning of it all and I would soon find out what it was like to have her as an enemy! I tried a couple of times to smooth things over but she didn't answer her phone when I called and ignored me when I tried to speak to her in person, so I just left it and have not spoken to her since.

She, however, has not let it go and has basically harrassed me throughout the past 18 months. She is, unfortunately, one of those mums that absolutely has to be best mates with everyone, and has to know everyone else's business. She seems to have made it her mission to slag me off (loudly, so that I can hear presumably!) whenever I am around. She arranges group nights out for the other mums, which of course I am not invited to. And large birthday parties for her daughter; this year the whole class was invited except for my DD! Her DD also goes to every possible local club imaginable and so it restricts me from sending my DD as I would just be hassled by her there. Oh and I can't help out on the PTA either as this woman is on that and I just cannot be arsed with the hassle I'd get from her! And birthday parties are a nightmare as she just picks at me.

Her campaign of getting people not to talk to me seems to have worked; I would say that around 50% of mums from DDs year give me a very wide berth and aren't as warm to me as they are to others. It's like they feel they have to avoid me at all costs. I have tried to make small talk with them and am always polite and friendly but lets just say it is obvious that they do not want to associate with me, and to be honest I cannot blame them as who would want to be involved with someone that someone else clearly loathes?

She is also very matey with the teacher. Every morning she stands in the doorway chatting to the teacher like the teacher is her best friend in the world. The teacher seems to think she is absolutely brilliant.

I just feel as though it has all cast a terrible cloud on my youngest child's first school years. I don't want to move her to another school as my other DCs attended it and I like the school, plus it is in our village so is our local school.

I feel so ashamed and embarrassed about the whole situation. I suffer from anxiety and depression anyway so it's made it worse. My mum has been poorly recently, and I have had various other stressful things and this constant nastiness just feels like it is going to break me :(

There was a woman like that at dd's first primary. Luckily, quite a few people I knew couldn't stand her. You will find that not all of them are taken in by her.

How do you know the teacher thinks she's great?

Can you volunteer at the school, listening to children read, say? It's way of the school personnel getting to know you better and feeling more comfortable there. A little like marking your territory!

Oh booo the emoijis were a cocktail and a cig

I think the teacher thinks she's great as she is always deep in conversation with this woman and is laughing her head off most of the time.

I generally work school hours so unfortunately can't go in and help at school. Otherwise I would as I love doing things like that and agree it would be a good way for me to make my presence known.

Well to be fair if she does thump you then that would hand you her fat stupid head on a plate.

Now would you like your dd to live her life hiding and cowering? Of course not.

If you feel this physically threatened you must tell the school. This is utterly ridiculous. My guess is though she's all wind and piss and going for you as you are a nice soft target.

Am hormonal as hell op. Pm me your school and may turn up to sort her out.

Seriously though love the idea of becoming a governor. That's hilarious.

Wasn't meaning to trivialise your feelings there op. She sounds a bully though and you have no choice other than stand up to her.

She sounds awful - to you for putting up with it so far.

You've got to fake it until you make it, basically. Pretend you're super confident, channel someone tough that you admire, and make sure she doesn't know you are quaking on the inside.

What is your worse case scenario? If she did actually thump you, the school would have the police there in minutes. She won't do this - bullies like gossip and bitching, not calm responses. You can do this, for your DD's sake.

Wow I really feel for you this woman sounds absolutely bonkers! You really have to stand up for yourself and tell her to fuck off if she interrupts again and get yourself involved in what is going on with extracurricular activities. She is ruling your life! Who the fuck does she think she is?
Sorry I know it's eas said than done but really give yourself some credit and don't boost yourself. Any shit you hear that's come from her just let it ride off you or tell the person who says it to tell her to come and tell you to your face. You have to stand up to this bully. For the sake of your dd too.
Please try.

Sorry I meant give yourself a boost...

She sounds dreadful. She probably des this wherever she goes. Creates drama and falls out with people. You must not let her take you down.

She's just a loud mouthed bully. Let her stamp around like Godzilla making a twat of herself. You be the lovely, calm, witty, intelligent one.

You are probably imagining the cooling off of the other parents. It's unlikely that they believe what Godzilla lady is saying about you!

I think she does do this wherever she goes.

Before our DDs started school she actually moved to the area from another town about 2 hours' drive away. That was one of her conversation openers, that she'd just moved to the area and did I want to meet up with the children as she didn't know anyone.

Stand up to her. Confront her. If she says things about you challenge her. And explain publicly that while you are sympathetic to her 'problems' and are very sorry for her difficulty in making friends you couldn't cope with 20 texts a day as you have a life.

Fwiw relative was in a similar situation and it just came out of her one day, the fucking bonkers bitch just made her snap. She stood up to her, in her face but calmly told her to keep out of her way and stop mentioning her name to people with bad intent or she'd do "do 'er one" lol. The woman backed off as she felt it was meant and she went from a lion to a mouse. Piss ourselves laughing sometimes cos it was a relief she did it (and what she said) She was miserable for so long poor thing!

I could've written this too! Someone who I considered a friend for about a year after moving to new area, who was the life and soul of the school, knew everyone and was a friend to all actually turned out to be manipulative, delusional, inappropriately invested in all school events and teachers' lives, calculating and terribly narcissistic. I now know that she aliented about a dozen people before me, and continues to do so.

I know it's distressing, but you're not in the wrong, there is nothing you can do to stop this type of personality behaving like they do. They will be responsible for their own undoing. I would expect if you asked around, other people have had the same treatment as you, and while it may not help, I found it kind of reassuring to know it really wasn't my fault. Once I knew this, I was happy to be involved in school stuff again, got my confidence back, continued to make other great friends, and refused to stop doing things I loved because of her behaviour.

Goodness me, what an awful situation. I second the suggestion of the solicitors letter, if shes concerned about her "I'm just so popular and a lovely mummy" image then that might shut her up.

The majority are going to see her as you do- they will not be taken in.
She may look best mates with the teacher but I bet she isn't- she is probably the parent where everyone rolls their eyes in the staff room. Fatmomma has good advice. She is especially true about friends and play dates - up to 6 yrs mothers have more or less free rein but increasingly from then on they pick their own- certainly by 7/8 yrs.

There's some pretty good and varied advice here. If you struggle with the confidence to get involved because of this woman for your own reasons then do it to show your children not to allow bullies to control your life. I know it's hard I've had similar situations at work & have just completed my first year as a school gate mum ( who is in the - get this- reject group! proudface) I just leave them to it. Life is too short to worry what others think of us and we will always have people who don't think shit about us and people who do. Concentrate on the nice ones & do whatever activities you want to. If she keeps this up you will find allies as there will be others but let them find you first and never get involved in bitching about the ex-friend. Focus on the important stuff and not on your social status. She may not have left school playground behind but why imprison yourself there too?

She is obsessive and creepy. If anyone ask me about her I would say exactly that.
You are not in the wrong here. She has no right to know your every move, nobody does.
I had a neighbour like this before. She was absolutely obsessed with me because I didn't tell her my life she started spreading around that im "crazy and have been in a mental home"
Unfortunately as you found out many people are sheep and don't question how could she possibly know my medical history but that is what happens when you have a society full of brainless zombie followers.

I just ignored her then she started to try beg to be my friend by leaving me Christmas gifts and signing for my parcels. She was so weird!

I suggest the same for you, ignore her, when you are talking to someone and she comes over talking loud I would just Inturrupt and say to the friend I will talk to you another time and leave.

You have to ignore her like I did that creepy neighbour because these people seek attention, when they realise they cannot get it negatively then try again nicely but after what she did don't even give her the time of day, she is a bully plain and simple, never show her she is getting to you no matter how sad you feel.

Definitely think about volunteering to become a governor. I've done it for years now, it's not a massive time commitment and you learn all sorts.

She may be PTA, but you'd be a part of deciding how the school is run and where that PTA fund goes

if I was you i would be polite, still do everything I wanted to do at the school, and clubs because your dd might like to go. Has your dd a friend she might like to come round? If she is rude at the school tell head and the teacher because it's not behaviour that should be modelled, and they can ask her to tone it down when on the premises.

She probably drives the teacher insane every morning by hogging her when she needs to be setting up the classroom, and stopping all the parents from having a quick word.

It's only drop off and pick up? Wear a headset and look lovely. Smile a lot. Sunglasses work well.

Op

There's one of those in every school I think. I was 'friends' with a mum for a year who went bat shit at me (by text) when our daughters started to have fallings out. They were 6/7 years old for gods sake. I tried to sort it out calmly but in the end I went deep into my shell to protect myself. My dd was frozen out of play dates etc but to be honest, after I realised what an idiot she was I didn't want dd anywhere near her.

I still give her a wide berth a year on. I know time she arrives at school and the way she walks and I carefully avoid her. If dd mentions her dd my blood runs cold!

You are not alone op.

I have been through a similar situation in a very small community. Others around her will be aware of her personality and behaviour and not approve equally they are unlikely to actively support or stand up for you as this will make them a target. I found this really hard in my situation as to me they would say how awful this was but then standby whilst this person treated me in a bad way.

The way I have dealt with it was/is to ignore, refuse to get into discussions regarding her behaviour after explaining my side once to people I have left it at that. By not responding and by being polite I have made this person look ridiculous and this has made me feel a little better about the situation.

After 18mths from when it started (because I had the audacity to not take part in ostracising someone else from the group) it is now easier. Bizarrely not that I recommend it dh accidentally running over her dog who ran out into the road helped. Dh was devastated, he was driving very slowly as lots of children were playing outside, the dog was tiny and we never saw it. We immediately got out of the car to comfort them and to check on the animal. We had an audience of half the street watching the incident unfold. This woman refused to look at us and we were left to talk to her dh who accepted that we were blameless and they were at fault for allowing the dog to be out of control.

Not sure how this would have played out had it not been witnessed though.

Yy to joining the governors and keep your head high op the cracks are there and will continue to widen showing this woman for what she really is.

She sounds very unhinged, I would be pleased personally that your own child isn't friendly with her little one anymore. There isn't much you can do, I am sure that the other mums and the teacher will all see through her eventually - give people enough rope etc. Not nice for you though. Keep your chin up, don't let her get to you too much ( I know its hard) and just look forwards to the long holidays and break from the school run and having to deal with all the nastiness.. good luck.

I actually think she's quite clever, reminds me of the film director who would fire someone on the first day so the rest of the crew would know he meant business. No one will cross her now they've seen her pummel you into the ground.

She's a manipulative cuntbadger.

Your only option is a plan of attack, but not with her, with the rest of the school. As said you have years of this ahead of you so put in the ground work now and reap the rewards for the rest of the years.

Firstly, is there a local Facebook page for Mums from your year group? If not find a spurious reason to start one and tell everyone about it (end of year present for example?) Talk to everyone about it at the playground get them all to join. (This is because you are about to not see everyone from summer you don't want this ostrasi

If I were you if at all possible I'd use a holiday from work to go into school and help out in September. Really try and get onto the PTA in spite of her. Make sure your DC's next birthday is an all class one somewhere brilliant. Put in lots of time at your next school event, get there early and help out, stay late and tidy up.

Some great advice here. I know it's easier said than done but you need to be the adult one here, as she clearly isn't going to be! Stay calm, stay aloof to her, keep your friends. Be observant! She may well select another target soon... You could swoop in and offer them an olive branch.

Picture someone who acts ballsy - I often hear Lady Bracknell mentioned in here, personally I like to channel my inner Meryl Streep. Imagine what they would say or do when confronted by her. Keep acting it until you believe it.