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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you have had a miscarriage what you did....... (could be upsetting sorry)

52 replies

nousernameinspiration · 30/06/2015 16:44

I don't mean to upset or offend anyone but am after some advice.

I had a miscarriage at home last week and caught the pregnancy sac and contents in a tiny pot as I wasn't sure if i wanted to see it or not. (got the pot advice from one of the mc threads on mumsnet)

I don't know what to do with it now :(

I don't want to flush it down the loo but I don't want to keep it either.
I don't even know if i want to look at it in detail. I am a bit freaked by what I might see, but i sort of feel i "should" have a look in case i can see the tiny foetus.

I know I could take it up to the hospital for them to cremate it but it all seems so impersonal as I imagine it being chucked in a "babywaste" bin :(

I read somewhere that some people suggested burying it... i am terrified a cat might dig it up or something.

I sort of wish I'd just flushed at the time but was so full of emotion.

I'm sorry if this is a bit of a weird thing to post... I think I have over-thought it!

OP posts:

Original poster

nousernameinspiration · 30/06/2015 16:45

deliberately posted here instead of miscarriage ffor traffic given that so many ladies will have been through this.

OP posts:

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 30/06/2015 16:50

I didn't see anything when I had mine, but how about putting the sac in a plant pot if you don't want to bury it and plant a plant you like in there. You can take it with you too if you move if that's not too weird.

CakeNinja · 30/06/2015 16:50

How far pg were you?
My second mc I passed at home, all went down the loo as I wouldn't have been far enough along to catch anything and in any case, wouldn't be keen to look. It was really just a clot of cells in any case.
and for you.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/06/2015 16:51

I would never had tried to catch 'it' :( but if I where you I'd bury it in the garden under a nice plant

we had plants dedicated to all 5 of my MC it was a nice way to remember

Hugs OP

crumblybiscuits · 30/06/2015 16:53

I gave birth to my daughter in hospital at 16 weeks and held and looked at her but obviously she was a mini sized baby as it was second trimester. No one can decide to look apart from you. I second the burying suggestion, it sounds like it could bring you some closure. Flowers for you OP

littlepeas · 30/06/2015 16:58

I would think carefully before doing anything. My dh made me promise not to look and I didn't, I just flushed, but the house we were living in at the time had a septic tank and it is the thing that haunts me the most about the whole experience (that the baby was in the septic tank). If I could go back I would have fished it out and buried it with a tree/rose bush. So sorry for your loss, take care of yourself.

ChuffinAda · 30/06/2015 17:00

I buried mine under a rose in my garden that has huge sentimental value to me. I then planted a budliea next to it to attract the butterflies

Artesia · 30/06/2015 17:02

So sorry you are experiencing this.

I did as others suggested- buried it in a large pot (couldn't bear the idea of leaving it behind if we ever move house) and have put a beautiful rose bush in it, which blooms at the time s/he would have been born.

Daffodilliesanddaisies · 30/06/2015 17:10

I was in hospital waiting for a D&C and I flushed it down the toilet in a panic, I should have at least shown the nurses and then I wouldn't have had to have the D&C. It still haunts me a bit flushing it.

ShelaghTurner · 30/06/2015 17:14

The plant pot is a lovely idea. I never got the chance as had to have surgical removal but would have much preferred being able to do something iyswim.

ShelaghTurner · 30/06/2015 17:15

And so sorry you are going through this

irretating · 30/06/2015 17:15

I took mine to the hospital. The chaplain says a prayer over them prior to cremation, at least he/she does at my local hospital. I didn't even think about burying.

flora717 · 30/06/2015 17:16

First one something was found in clots in a&e so that went to joint cremation. Second one d&c (didn't work) passed sac the following week and buried under a tree we were given for our wedding. The second was more comforting, because I didn't know I'd passed the first and i felt guilty for leaving roo at the hospital.

Marylou2 · 30/06/2015 17:16

So sorry for you! I didn't miscarry properly to had to go into hospital for a D&C. I think I'd bury in the garden under a special stone or a little tree.

JillBYeats · 30/06/2015 17:19

MY friend caught hers and let it go down the loo. When I had a mc I was terrified that I would see something identifiable, I chose not to look and focus on the soul of my baby rather than the earthly part. It was not an aspect of the mc that stayed with me unlike littlepeas so everyone is different - you must find something that rests easy with yourself.

On the other side of all this OP I am sorry for your loss.

ItMustBeBunnies · 30/06/2015 17:19

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

My second MC was at home. I felt something 'fall' (I'd been bleeding for a day, so new what was happening). I ran to the toilet, unsure as to what to do and it went in the pan. I didn't want to look, so DH did. I needed to know if it was the foetus or just a clot, but couldn't bear to look myself (was 13 weeks gone).

I'm glad I didn't look and DH is glad he did. I've no idea what I would have done with it otherwise: probably buried it.

SirChenjin · 30/06/2015 17:21

I had a mmc at 11 weeks, and because the sac came out whole we were able to put it in a little box and plant it under a shrub in a pot (like you, we were worried about cats digging it up).

TheGreatAndPowerfulTrixie · 30/06/2015 17:24

Don't look. Mine still upset me even now.

Singsongsung · 30/06/2015 17:35

I had a D&C because I couldn't bear to think about what I'd do if it passes naturally.
I feel for all of you on this thread. It was such a dark time in my life; so so sad.

WhyTheDrama · 30/06/2015 17:38

I looked and it didn't upset me then I flushed it down the loo. I was 12 weeks but not sure when the pregnancy had failed ( iykwim ). I didn't regret it at all. I didn't feel I lost a baby I felt I had a failed pregnancy. I was sad but I wasn't grieving.
Everyone is different and you have to try and work out what suits you. I would not have wanted to bury the sac. There isn't right and no wrong.

WhyTheDrama · 30/06/2015 17:39

Sorry, I forgot to say that I'm very sorry for your loss

LavenderRain · 30/06/2015 17:44

I caught mine in DD's potty it was identifiable as a fetus but I was in a state of shock, I didn't even know I was pregnant and flushed it away. Straight away I regretted it and it still haunts me to this day. It was 23 years ago!
I like the idea of the pot plant.
for you. Do what feels right xx

HellBoundNothingFound · 30/06/2015 19:10

I passed mine at home alone, felt it 'drop' and just flushed it. I felt relieved as I'd been bleeding for around 24 hours and in pain. I didn't feel any strong emotions as it was such an early loss.

A later loss I'd probably catch it and bury it under a plant or tree of significance

littlejohnnydory · 30/06/2015 19:19

Buried on the mountain near where we lived at the time.

VixxFace · 30/06/2015 19:19

I am sorry for your loss

I lost my baby 3 years ago. I looked and I'm. glad I did. I put the foetus in a box and put it into a plant pot. It helped me immensely.

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