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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask whether you judge someone based on their occupation?

388 replies

lushilaoshi · 29/06/2015 21:58

I am sometimes judged (I think) a bit harshly based on my occupation. It can be a bit of a conversation killer, sometimes.

So without revealing yet what I actually do, if I were to say (for instance) that I am a City lawyer, what assumptions would you make about me? Would you take an instant dislike? Versus if I were to tell you that I am, for example, a languages teacher?

I think I can predict some answers, but I am curious about what characteristics are attributed to certain occupations, and whether justified. And in particular, whether gender makes any difference to your judgement?

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/06/2015 10:07

I was at a dinner party some years ago, where the default assumption was that I was in finance or law. The looks on their faces when I told them I was a lorry driver! Then I had to answer questions on why a middle class privately educated white person would do such a thing. Really rather funny. Except it wasn't, because most of the table had lost relatives to the Nazis. To them, I had rejected the protection of my class from the knock on the door.

WixingMords · 30/06/2015 10:15

Poor bailiffs getting a lot of judging.

I've worked a few jobs people dislike (but not a bailiff, not quite)

I am very vague when anyone asks what I do. I do wish I had an interesting job.

jcscot · 30/06/2015 10:15

I also get judged on my husband's job (I'm at home with the offspring). He's a (relatively) senior Army Officer and I get all sorts of remarks:

"So, you must live with the threat of DV?" (the midwife at a booking-in appt for my elder daughter)
"Which choir?/Are you in a choir?/You must be good at singing." (pretty much anyone)

People also assume my husband must be loaded (he's not and doesn't come from money), violent, thick (because why else would anyone join the Forces?), rascist/anti-whomever-the-government-dislikes-right-now.

I just sigh, grit my teeth and move on.

exexpat · 30/06/2015 10:19

The only person I admit to judging based on their job is very senior in a tobacco company. They are very nice in person, but I just can't square that with the ethics of working for a company whose business is so harmful. I would probably feel the same about anyone working in the arms trade.

Tuskerfull · 30/06/2015 10:20

I was sometimes embarrassed to say I was a secretary. I tried not to be because it isn't a job that anyone can do, and I was very good at it, but I couldn't deny the way I felt. I knew people would be making certain assumptions about me based on it, and it wasn't nice.

Of course, I still do it - make assumptions about other people based on their job title. I don't think we can avoid it.

StarsInTheNightSky · 30/06/2015 10:23

jcscot wtaf?! That's dreadful about the midwife!!! Well, all of it is dreadful. My ex fiance was military general but from another country (where I lived at the time) and I used to get that assumption a lot too, well, that and that he was a power hungry ego maniac who only wanted me to be able to get British citizenship. Hmm

MrsMook · 30/06/2015 10:23

When I tell people that I teach, they are always surprised that I teach secondary. Obviously a small, young looking person can only teach primary... When they ask about my subject I then get told how much they loved / hated it.

When people ask about Dh's job, they've glazed over before I finish his title. They then struggle with it being on a super-sized industrial scale, rather than domestic. TBH, I struggle when he talks about work.

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl · 30/06/2015 10:24

Poor Bailiffs. Hmm

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 30/06/2015 10:26

If bailiffs didn't exist, your cost of borrowing would be much higher.

SnowyPiglet · 30/06/2015 10:28

I don't think I 'judge' people on what they do, and I certainly don't ask people outright what their job is. I suppose I say something like 'do you work?' (Not judging either way). If they do say what they do, I try to ask intelligent questions about their job, but if it's obvious they don't want to talk about it, I shut up and we talk about something else instead.

Inevitably, though, you get a impression of a person by their job. Lawyer, accountant, Armed Forces, teacher, engineer, and other professions shows that someone has qualifications beyond school, and you can converse about their training, etc (for instance I have family members who are lawyers, accountants and ex-Forces, so may have something in common in that respect,) or if not professionals, can ask about things like where they are based, and how they got into their job, or whatever. Just being polite and making conversation flow, really.

My ex was an Accountant. We were at a wedding once when someone asked him what he did, when he told them they just said "Oh well someones got to do it!" Which was incredibly rude and stupid - ex was really insulted.

I don't look anything like the 'typical' person people would imagine for someone doing my job (I'm female for a start), and I get instantly judged so tend not to say what I do, beyond a vague description. If pressed I will say what I do, but hate the 'Wow, really?".

Was sitting at a dinner recently, next to someone who did the same job as me. I knew about him (my husband told me), but he didn't know about me.
Because I am a fairly small, innocuous-looking female,(I suppose) this rather boorish, loud-mouthed chap just ignored me for the whole meal and never once tried to make conversation. Had he done so, we could have had a very interesting chat about our jobs, but he had obviously made up his mind that I must be boring and dismissed me. It made me feel stupid and insignificant, and I made a note to myself to never let other people feel like that!!

mmgirish · 30/06/2015 10:29

I'm a teacher. People always make references to the fact that it must be such an easy job teaching in a Primary school. I don't get annoyed though. I try to smile and tell them that yes, it's sooo easy.

TTWK · 30/06/2015 10:33

If bailiffs didn't exist, your cost of borrowing would be much higher.

Quite, and if traffic wardens didn't exist, we wouldn't be able to move for selfish twats parking where the fuck they wanted.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 30/06/2015 10:35

I'm a teacher. People always make references to the fact that it must be such an easy job teaching in a Primary school. I don't get annoyed though. I try to smile and tell them that yes, it's sooo easy.

I find my own kids such hard work that I have to remind myself to not make patronising comments about what a hard job it is when I meet people who are teachers (which I would have thought would happen quite a lot - how strange that you're getting this reaction!).

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 30/06/2015 10:37

I'm a bookkeeper and also complete tax returns... Therefore most people think I'm a tax expert and start asking advise! Gets annoying at weddings when you just want to enjoy yourself and the second question following 'what do you do?' Is usually about how they can reduce their tax payments Hmm

TriJo · 30/06/2015 10:40

I'm a software developer, hubby is a civil engineer. We're nerds, and everyone knows it!

Irish men in London working in construction is a bit of a stereotype though...

mmgirish · 30/06/2015 10:42

GoodbyeToAllOfThat

I think because we have such long holidays that people think we don't work very hard.

Malenky · 30/06/2015 10:44

I'd judge someone slightly if they didn't have a job at all (unless they were ill/a SAHM/caring for a relative etc) but as long as they had one I probably wouldn't judge them for what the job was. I have known somebody who was an electrician in an abattoir because the pay was brilliant and I have known a girl go who went on an embalming course, both were very normal nice people.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 30/06/2015 10:48

I have been/ worked at/in: Superdrug, Sainsburys, Student Nurse (never finished the course), waitress, barmaid, coffee shop, Natwest (arseholes), Primary School Teacher, London Ambulance Service (EMT) then back to teaching again and now a SAHM. I love hearing about other people's jobs and half the time time I've done them too. Don't judge anyone by their jobs only whether they eat houmous/ brown rice or soya.

wafflyversatile · 30/06/2015 10:57

Everyone does, it's how the human brain works. We would not be able to function as a social being in the form we do if we had to start at a presumption of no 'knowledge' of everyone we encountered and didn't 'stereotype'. There are disadvantages to our brains working this way, of course.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 30/06/2015 11:05

I'm judging myself. I work in a call centre earning minimum wage at the age of 34, doing a job alongside school leavers who are starting their first jobs who inevitably leave and go on to better things while i stay on the same crap wage for over 10 years now.

I need something new. I'm back from mat leave in August and it is so fucking depressing even thinking about it

Taytocrisps · 30/06/2015 11:05

I ask people what they work at because I'm trying to form a picture of them and I'm interested to know how they spend their working day. Somebody working as a lawyer will have a very different working day to someone working as a doctor or someone working as a social worker or someone working in IT or someone working as a childcare worker. I'm far less interested in how much they earn.

We're probably all guilty of falling for the stereotypes e.g.

Lawyer = rich, ruthless
IT person = nerd
Stockbroker = greedy, ruthless
Nurse = kind, caring

Etc. etc.

It's important to remember that some jobs are only transitory. For example, I worked in McD's as a college student, to earn some spending money. Most of the employees were college students working part-time. There were only a handful of full-time staff who weren't attending college. When people asked me (at the time) what I did, I got very different reactions if I said, "I work in McDs" than if I said, "I'm studying X at college but working part-time in McDs". A lot of SAHMs worked before they had children and may return to the workforce when their children are older.

My Dad grew up in a very poor family and the children were all expected to leave school and find jobs as soon as they hit their teens. Going to college wasn't an option and he mostly worked in manual jobs. However, he's a very intelligent man so anyone making the assumption that he's stupid because he worked at a manual job would be way off the mark.

LotusLight · 30/06/2015 11:05
slippermaiden · 30/06/2015 11:11

I would judge that a lawyer might be posh, and have nothing in common with me, an NHS employee. However I might be pleasantly surprised. I usually get on with most people Smile

Theresadogonyourballs · 30/06/2015 11:16

I'm a Nanny/PA. People assume I'm thick as mince, (I'm not, I'm in the middle of a degree and doing very well indeed), or lazy/unmotivated, because 'it's a complete doss isn't it?'
I still remember an incident from many years ago which still makes me burn with rage - I was helping one of my young charges with her homework, and she asked me how to spell a certain word. I spelt it out for her and she wrote it down, but then looked at me doubtfully and said, "Are you sure this is right? Only my teacher told us not to ask our nannies for help with homework because everyone knows that nannies can't spell." ShockShockAngryAngry
I assured her that my A grades in English at both GCSE and A level probably meant she was safe to trust in my spelling ability Grin.

MrsAukerman · 30/06/2015 11:16

Of course I judge, I'm human.
To not judge would negate the reason for asking.