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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you judge someone based on their occupation?

388 replies

lushilaoshi · 29/06/2015 21:58

I am sometimes judged (I think) a bit harshly based on my occupation. It can be a bit of a conversation killer, sometimes.

So without revealing yet what I actually do, if I were to say (for instance) that I am a City lawyer, what assumptions would you make about me? Would you take an instant dislike? Versus if I were to tell you that I am, for example, a languages teacher?

I think I can predict some answers, but I am curious about what characteristics are attributed to certain occupations, and whether justified. And in particular, whether gender makes any difference to your judgement?

OP posts:
railwayworker · 30/06/2015 08:38

I guess I make assumptions but I don't think I judge. I probably used to, if I'm honest, but since being on the receiving end of a lot of judgment I've knocked it on the head!

I get judged as thick and have, in the course of my job, been told I'm too stupid to get anything other than my 'stupid minimum wage job'. It used to bother meant now I find it amusing, I've had a high flying job with crazy hours and a job title people admired but I'm happier now and and actually earn just as much!

fredfredgeorgejnr · 30/06/2015 08:45

You appear to have an issue with your job - otherwise why go, "oh but I only do it with worthy causes." You probably project those issues on everyone you meet, their judgements are just reflection of how you present yourself.

I don't judge anything bad about your job, it just sounds interminably dull, so just keep the conversation onto more interesting things.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 30/06/2015 08:48

I used to think I'd be friends with anyone but an arms dealer, and then we met a really lovely arms dealer (our old neighbour). They're quite a lot older than us and are now good friends with my husband's parents, who probably would have said the same.

So I guess I've learned my lesson.

usualsuspect333 · 30/06/2015 08:49

The attitude towards minimum wage workers on MN tells you that yes, plenty of people do get judged on their jobs.

I remember reading a thread on here once about someones DS who wasn't doing too well at school. Some of the advice was to take him to see some minimum wage workers and tell him he will end up like them if he doesn't start revising.

LotusLight · 30/06/2015 08:49

You have to be open minded. There are interesting people in all kinds of jobs although if you don't have much time to choose someone for something and you need someone very bright then you might well pick careers where you need to pass hard exams to enter.

People can use my 3 older children - the girls like I am a City or business lawyer in London and my older son, degree ancient history, currently a postman. He tends to find people do trust and are good to postmen and this week he found a dog and reunited it with its owner. Although in my view bankers and lawyers do God's work as much as those on low wages washing the feet of the poor.

Also it depends what you are after. If you want someone with good conversation to go on dates with you might be after one kind of person and if you want someone who can paint a wall quickly another - in the latter case their ability to make you laugh and conversational skills is irrelevant, in fact if they don't talk that's a plus.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 30/06/2015 08:50

I work for a large oil operator, a sizable minority of idiots seem to think my day job involves clubbing seal pups and pouring crude oil into rivers.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 30/06/2015 08:51

I remember reading a thread on here once about someones DS who wasn't doing too well at school. Some of the advice was to take him to see some minimum wage workers and tell him he will end up like them if he doesn't start revising.

That is absolutely vile.

Howcanitbe · 30/06/2015 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarsInTheNightSky · 30/06/2015 09:00

No I wouldn't judge, I wouldn't normally ask either because it isn't any of my business and because I'm not interested. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, and is not my place to judge their decisions. Smile.

Original poster
lushilaoshi · 30/06/2015 09:02

fred are you referring to me? Actually, my job is very interesting, but people like you will never know why, having instantly judged that it must be 'interminably dull' and therefore instructing me to keep the conversation to other things...

I don't have a problem with my job, but it does make me feel better that I am helping to further what I think is a worthy cause. But it's other peoples' assumptions about it that have made me perhaps a bit defensive.

OP posts:
muminhants1 · 30/06/2015 09:06

I think people are judged on how much they earn - not so much the occupation. If working in a shop earned as much as working in sales for an IT company, people would give shop-workers more respect.

But I suppose I would have a slight intake of breath if someone said they were a traffic warden or a tax collector or a train revenue inspector ;) And I guess I especially admire people who work with (difficult) people - eg nurses, teachers, the above-mentioned shop-workers, librarians etc.

SirChenjin · 30/06/2015 09:07

Yes, I do. A hedge fund manager is going to have a very different outlook on life compared to someone who is works with children with additional needs, for example (providing, of course, we're talking about people who have chosen and enjoy their careers)

muminhants1 · 30/06/2015 09:08

Lotuslight - my husband has often said he wouldn't mind being a postman except for being attacked by dogs!

JanineMelnitzGlasses · 30/06/2015 09:17

Tough one. If I'm speaking face-to-face to someone about their job I don't judge but then I like to know how they ended up where they are. If someone is describing a person to me and they tell me what that person does, then I will form an idea on what I think that person is like based on their job. It's hard not to if we're all being honest though, surely?

LotusLight · 30/06/2015 09:19

Ah yes, the dogs... and one of his colleagues lost the end of a finger through a letter box so the jobs is not without its hazards. I must say I do say this is social mobility at its best - that my son moves "down" and my immigrant cleaner's son is doing the LPC course (law post grad) where my daughters did. I think that's brilliant - for him to move "up" whatever up is my son moves down to make way.

Yes of course people take decisions about others based on all kinds of things from clothes to accent, skin colour to religion, whether you are male or female or whatever. if you look at dating websites you can key in income levels and also educational levels as well as things like height, weight etc So obviously lots of people out there do want that kind of information. probably most of us don't want a 40 stone partner as they might squash us in bed or one who is currently serving time for murder and lots of other distinguishing features including income are rightly relevant.

if anyone had my name in two seconds on google they can see how I speak (videos), what I do and lots of other things. However if I were called John Smith or had no on line presence that would be harder. So people do ask others what they do.

However we are English. The Americans ask how much do you earn. The English don't as we have manners......It is no one else's business.

the other question is do you have children which I sometimes ask at work events and it's not a good question. The other person might have been trying for 10 years to have a baby and not managed it or had one but it died or hate children or their spouse stole them. So I suppose we'll have to stick to talking about the weather.

Idontseeanydragons · 30/06/2015 09:30

I'm a childminder. Also a fully qualified nursery nurse.
The only assumption I know people make about me is that they assume I'm happy to watch their children while they sit around chatting and little Tarquin runs riot.
No I'm not, fuck off and parent your own kid unless you're going to pay me the going rate Grin
That's why I don't judge anyone else.

MaidOfStars · 30/06/2015 09:34

thegreenheart I know a CofE vicar and I've never actually got the impression that he believes in God. So if I met you, I wouldn't assume anything about delusion/faith/etc Grin

I am an academic scientist/sometime lecturer. This evokes responses like:
'You must be clever' (there is no good answer to this)
'Oh, I won't understand anything about that' (try me, I can explain it to a classroom full of ten year olds so I reckon an adult will cope) 'You don't look/act/sound like Sheldon Cooper' (I know, right? It's almost like scientists on TV are stereotyped rolls eyes)

A PP said that they don't ask new people their occupation because it seems like defining them by what they do to earn money. In my case, it's a perfectly reasonable assessment of my personality/philosophy Smile

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 30/06/2015 09:34

The Americans ask how much do you earn.

How ridiculous. They certainly don't.

Greenrememberedhills · 30/06/2015 09:42

I try not to judge people on their jobs. It's a fools errand anyway, as so many people these days have had one or more significant changes. Also, in my neck of the woods there are some crazy mixes amongst portfolio careers.

JessieMcJessie · 30/06/2015 09:49

muminhants why is a tax collector or a train revenue inspector a "bad" job? Do you disagree with paying tax and train fares?

DrDre · 30/06/2015 09:53

I don't judge people on their jobs. I may have been guilty of this in the past, but not any more.
Since graduating I have worked in 'technical' roles in life sciences and IT. I tend to give generic descriptions of what I do as most people won't understand the minutiae of it. Also, when you say you are in IT, some people assume you know everything about computers and can fix whatever issues they have with their machine, which isn't the case. It's akin to expecting a divorce lawyer to know the ins and outs and corporate law.
When I was a student I had a lot of minimum wage service sector jobs. You could definitely tell that some people looked down on you for doing these roles. It tended to be middle aged women with kids in my experience.

bereal7 · 30/06/2015 09:57

Morloth I would judge ; I aspire to that. For both me and my (future) partner to have good jobs.

I guess I do judge Blush . I find that I respect people who have/had high - flying jobs more than those who didn't. I'm not proud of it. Obviously once I get to know the people I no longer judge based on occupation.

Morloth · 30/06/2015 09:58

My BIL is a postman. Here in Oz that means you get to ride a motorbike and get an excellent hat/helmet thing to wear. I always thought it looked like an all right kind of job and he says it's pretty good.

usual people who patronize other people in order to make themselves feel better/make their kids appreciate their advantages need a swift kick in the arse.

My kids are aware of the immense privilege they live in. We don't need to go and lord it over anyone else for them to understand that.

Fucks me right off that sort of behavior.

StarsInTheNightSky · 30/06/2015 10:04

silvertap yes to the stereotypes about farmers wives! We own a ranch (we're not in the UK) and although DH and I run it together, I do the overall management.

Also yy to previous posters about the 1950s being judged for your husband's job. When we emigrated I was constantly getting asked, "oh, for your husband's job?". It used to annoy me that the assumption was that it was DH's career allowing us to emigrate and that I was just a tag along SAHM.
I used to be a scientist and I've lived all over the world as I was commissioned by various Governments to do research for them, I love being a SAHM and running the ranch, but it does rankle a bit that some people can't comprehend that I had a very successful and lucrative career and it was primarily that which allowed us to buy our ranch. I think I'm being crotchety and oversensitive though Grin.

Volenflo · 30/06/2015 10:07

I would judge you if you were a traffic warden or a bailiff.