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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you judge someone based on their occupation?

388 replies

lushilaoshi · 29/06/2015 21:58

I am sometimes judged (I think) a bit harshly based on my occupation. It can be a bit of a conversation killer, sometimes.

So without revealing yet what I actually do, if I were to say (for instance) that I am a City lawyer, what assumptions would you make about me? Would you take an instant dislike? Versus if I were to tell you that I am, for example, a languages teacher?

I think I can predict some answers, but I am curious about what characteristics are attributed to certain occupations, and whether justified. And in particular, whether gender makes any difference to your judgement?

OP posts:
textfan · 30/06/2015 03:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McDreamyMcNastyMcHottie · 30/06/2015 05:39

I'm a midwife. I'm judged all the time - especially on here!

I don't think I judge anyone who goes out and works, all occupations are equal to me, if you're able to provide for yourself (not disabled, have young family etc) and you go out and do it then fair play to you.

claraschu · 30/06/2015 06:13

Soon after moving to Holland, my friend was once meeting a new couple and asked them what they did. The woman was a prostitute. I don't think anyone batted an eyelid.

Morloth · 30/06/2015 06:19

I am a lawyer and DH is a banker.

Yeah yeah, I know. Grin

DoraGora · 30/06/2015 06:30

How about social workers?

WendyTorrance · 30/06/2015 06:40

My husband is a GP. I've found that quite a few of the snobby mums at school who ignored me or gave a wry smile at my attempts to be friendly in the past, suddenly became very gushing towards me when they realised what DH did for a living.

I didn't really notice any of this, it was my friend who made me aware. Why the hell I didn't notice when their opening line was "I didn't realise your husband was Dr Torrance" Grin

The worst of these is the mum who's been REALLY pally with me in the school yard since she discovered DH's job. She's a drug rep.... My friend was looking at her like ConfusedHmm

JessieMcJessie · 30/06/2015 07:03

Like the OP, I think I am also guilty of asking the question quite soon after I meet someone but I also justify it as just being interested in people. I don't think I judge as such, but then I have never been tested by, for example, meeting someone socially who works in a PPI reclaim call centre, or does PR for a tobacco company.

I don't really get why there is a default idea that everyone hates lawyers (i.e. the second post on this thread). I am one and most people seem to react quite well to it. Aren't people glad that lawyers are around to help them buy their houses, write their wills or make sure that their rights are protected should they ever find themselves in police custody?

Within law we do judge each other horribly though eg I would react negatively to an ambulance-chasing claimant lawyer, I have preconceived views about personality types who do corporate law and I have huge admiration for criminal defence lawyers. Then of course there are people who believe deep down that barristers are better than solicitors (usually barristers).

My poor DH has it bad - works in IT (boring) for an investment bank (evil). He doesn't tend to tell people unless he's asked...

JessieMcJessie · 30/06/2015 07:05

PS I am laughing at the very esoteric exchange between the OP and a pp about her being a law lecturer - since neither of them explained I will - OP's username is Mandarin for "teacher lawyer"

BestIsWest · 30/06/2015 07:07

I always say I work in IT too, the majority of people really don't want to know any more. Sometimes I say I'm a database administrator and they still glaze over.

sashh · 30/06/2015 07:15

Is anyone else thinking of the vicar if Dibbly episode with Richard Armitage?

Howcanitbe · 30/06/2015 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doobigetta · 30/06/2015 07:23

When I used to work in IT I'd say "I work in IT" because if you elaborate people either glaze over or they want you to fix their laptop, and my desktop support days are long gone. Or worst of all, they work in IT too and want to talk about it, and I glaze over.

These days I'm in investment banking, and it amuses me to tell people that and watch the assumptions queueing up.

Shodan · 30/06/2015 07:25

I don't judge anyone by what job they do. I might be interested enough to ask what their job entails, because I like hearing about new things- but I would only ask if they'd already volunteered the basic information.

I purposely don't ask, as a conversational gambit, because I feel it sounds like they can only be defined by what they do to earn money, when in reality no-one is (or should be).

OllyBJolly · 30/06/2015 07:28

I used to interview a lot of people and one guy worked for a tobacco company and his job was to "open up new markets in developing countries". A six figure, intelligent, capable guy who could have worked anywhere. That really did make me think "How do you sleep at night?" And yes, I found it hard to see anything positive about him once i knew that.

I like to think I don't judge and I've been around long enough to know that luck plays a huge part in people's success in the job market. It certainly did in mine.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 30/06/2015 07:29

Technically I'm a clerk in holy orders which in practice means I'm a priest in the Church of England. I discovered when I joined mumsnet that some atheists judge me at best foolish and at worst deluded and completely without a brain. This attitude transfers over to life outside of the internet. At theological college they do try and prepare you for the projection and transference that come with wearing a clerical collar but the looks of hatred from random people in the street is a bit of a shocker the first time it happens.

I absolutely love my job. At parties saying that you are a priest mostly leads to massive conversations about faith, church politics, spirituality and all things woo.

ollieplimsoles · 30/06/2015 07:33

This is a great thread!

I don't get why people would judge lawyers, I would be really interested in that and ask what sort of cases they have worked on, I love all that stuff.

I get judged and cross examined every time I tell people my job. 90% of people ask what I earn. Loads of them say something like 'you've got the easiest job in the world!' It does have its perks- but its such hard work, as I run a business alongside it, deal with deadlines, invoices, difficult clients, and have to pull the occasional all nighter to get something done in time.

Original poster
lushilaoshi · 30/06/2015 07:56

Now there's something wendy, being judged because of what your husband does. What is this, the 1950s?!

As for lawyers, I think there are many preconceived ideas about what 'we' are like. There's this stereotype that all corporate lawyers are money hungry ball breakers, or that human rights lawyers are glamorous like Amal Clooney. And of course, most people think that lawyers are all very well paid, which I can assure you is not the case. People don't go to the criminal bar, for instance, to make money.

I think the reason why people hate lawyers is because they often only need them when they're in a difficult situation, such as divorce or litigation. When they win, the lawyers have to be paid - and some people resent that because they feel they were 'in the right' in the first place and shouldn't have to cough up to prove it. When they lose, the lawyers still have to be paid, and clients resent that for obvious reasons.

I'm a transactional lawyer though, so when people come to me it's because they want to develop a new renewable energy project and not because they are being sued or divorced!

OP posts:
Szeli · 30/06/2015 08:01

I don't think law is a hated profession although I would assume you probably came from money in order for you to have paid for the barr exams etc

I'm a makeup artist and do on site management at music festivals.

One of the jobs makes me thick/a bimbo and one job makes me all 'girl power' and cool Hmm

It especially annoys me when I get young clients saying; "I wanted to train in hair/beauty/makeup but my mum said I have to get a real job, I'm too intelligent for that" etc

usualsuspect333 · 30/06/2015 08:07

I work in catering as soon as some people see my uniform they assume I'm thick.

Silvertap · 30/06/2015 08:10

I'm a farmer. People judge me in one of three ways;

  1. I live in a little thatched cottage feeding my chickens, goats and pigs and milking my cow.

  2. I'm loaded

  3. it's my husbands farm and I must be good at baking.

Not one of the above is anywhere close to the truth.

Original poster
lushilaoshi · 30/06/2015 08:12

Szeli, no I don't come from money, I come from a fairly normal family and went to state schools, and borrowed to go to university. My law school fees were paid by the firm I trained with, but I had to borrow more money to pay my living costs while I studied. A lot of trainee/newly-qualified lawyers are in a fair amount of debt.

OP posts:
MillyMollyMandy78 · 30/06/2015 08:12

Haha NoCool - my husband is GP but super casual/ bit scruffy when out of work. You can imagine the looks he got when he popped into Tiffanys to buy my engagement ring, aged 27. Apparently they seemed convinced he was there to case the joint!

He is always being judged by his appearance, and this differs greatly when out of work. It does not bother him in the slightest. While we were still dating he turned up to a weekend away at some posh London hotel wearing battered trainers and all his stuff in a Sainsburys carrier bag! I do cringe sometimes but i admire his attitude of not trying to impress.

cashewnutty · 30/06/2015 08:16

doragora I am a social worker. Most people i meet don't judge but say they couldn't do my job, especially when i say i work in Child Protection.

weebarra · 30/06/2015 08:16

I'm a careers adviser too, ghosty and quiero. Like you, I always get tirades about how crap CIAG was in the old days, and people asking me to tell them what they should do. I mainly worked with young people with ASN though and now I'm a manager I don't see clients at all. I can provide an excellent shoulder to cry on though!

buttonmoonboots · 30/06/2015 08:36

Are you not supposed to ask? I ask. I'm nosy.