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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want a present to myself and not want my husband to have it!!!

96 replies

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 21:57

I've had a significant birthday and my husband has encouraged me to buy a flash digital camera way over the price I would feel comfortable spending - my friends and family have chipped in too and it's a big deal present. He never mentioned about him using it until we were in the shop , as I assumed as i do art projects too that this would be my camera and not clogged up with his pics as well. Tonight I've come downstairs and he is playing with the camera and apparently I am being a bitch if I want it to myself... Is it too much to ask to have something to myself??? I would rather have a cheaper one and it be just mine!!

OP posts:
Fauxlivia · 30/06/2015 11:48

Maybe the OP feels about her camera the way some of us feel about iur phones. Why are some gadgets considered personal but others are up for grabs?

I wouldn't mind dh using my camera but I would mind him reading my new book before me. The point is, it's yours and you should get to play with it first.

Kintsugi · 30/06/2015 11:48

take it back ? if its yours he cant complain - and buy something you actually wanted - a cheaper one and something else with the left over cash.?

A gift is not a gift if its not yours - its a household item. and if someone bought me a household item for my birthday they'd really know about it

  • I am not the house - I am not the family - I am not the couple - I am just me , and a birthday present on my birthday is mine - thats a boundry for me - I can choose to share it - but if has to be my choice or its not mine.

I guess you could buy yourself something just for you for your anniversay ? - that would be the equivelant level of rudeness to what your partner has managed here...

CrystalCove · 30/06/2015 11:48

So OP why do you seem more bothered about your DH touching your camera than him calling you a bitch?

INickedAName · 30/06/2015 12:09

I bought myself a new laptop a few years ago, a very very rare treat for myself. I ended up often waiting for DH to finish on it before I could get near it. I'd feel childish asking him to come off so I could have it back, he'd say "five mins" which would actually be a few hours. It ended as a family laptop with me using it the least.

I got an ipad a few years ago. Nobody but me touches it unless they've asked first. Dd has her own tablet and dh has exclusive use of my laptop now so there's no reason for anyone to be hogging my ipad. He understands now that I love my gadgets and I like to set them up myself, I like to look through the leaflets, I like to put my own stuff on them and organise my stuff the way I like and he leaves my stuff alone. I don't like anyone pissing around and rearranging my stuff or changing my settings. Someone rifling through my phone and ipad, to me, is like someone going in my bag. They are personal to me. Dh has his hobbies and I don't mess with his stuff. He doesn't with mine anymore.

My family joke about me having my phone glued to me and not letting others use it. My brother is worse than me, but apparently that's different because he's a man. I've been called selfish for not handing over my ipad to a random child at a soft play centre and for not letting a family member take my phone on holiday. Sorry but they are precious to me, they took years to save for, and I couldn't relax, I mean one click and they see all my mumsnet moaning about them :)

Individual SD cards sound good, but then that makes it a family camera, so it shouldn't have been gifted as a special present for you, if that's not what it was for. Im prob in minority though.

AntiquityIsDotDotDot · 30/06/2015 12:21

YANBU

How hard is it to distinguish between this item was bought as a gift & is therefore for the person it was gifted to and this item was bought for the family & is for shared usage.

Given that he encouraged you it basically looks like he wanted something and went about it in a sneakily & calculated way by persuading you & having other people chip in.

AntiquityIsDotDotDot · 30/06/2015 12:22

And if a person wants to share a gift the person says so, someone else doesn't take it off you and tell you you should share it!

glenthebattleostrich · 30/06/2015 12:36

Hang on, it doesn't matter what the item is, it was a gift for the OP. It is hers exclusively so she doesn't have to share.

You wouldn't wander up to a casual acquaintance and start messing with their phone or camera, its just rude.

Being married doesn't mean everything is up for grabs or is shared, your still allowed your own stuff.

fiveofcups · 30/06/2015 12:41

Oh and I always share gifts like this- and the kids too if they want to use it.
They too are always happy to share their own stuff, with us and each other.

I understand this isn't that way all families work though.

What is wrong is being called a bitch.
Very offensive.

Rikalaily · 30/06/2015 13:05

I bought DH a camera, not as flash as yours but an expensive (for us) one. It's his camera, I know he would let me use it but I would never presume that it's a free for all item that we can all use whenever we feel like it. It's his, it was given as a gift, I wouldn't be possessive over it any more than I would be any other gift I've bought him.

Your DH is a knob, a selfish knob.

WayneRooneysHair · 30/06/2015 13:12

I'm the same as you OP and so is my wife whereas one of my best friends really doesn't get why we have seperate cameras, iPads and computers etc. My wife knows that I can use her iPad etc and vice versa but there's never really any need. My friend will sit there and fiddle with my phone (he asks) but I'd never go through his phone, I don't think I'm being weird either.

slithytove · 30/06/2015 13:22

Yanbu.
No one uses my iPad. It's mine. Ditto my camera. And laptop.
We share the ps4, because it was a joint gift.

Rhiana1979 · 30/06/2015 13:40

If we buy something between us it's a family item.
If it was a gift for one of us then it's that persons item. Although the other person/DD can borrow the item.

DH loves his photography and has a v expensive camera which I wouldn't dream of using without his permission/guidance. I'd expect the same courtesy back from him.

Belongings are not a free for all. Everyone is entitled to have some things that are theirs. Including my 3 year old DD. just because we're a family doesn't mean everything we buy for ourselves or each other has be suddenly become everyone else's

Goshthatsspicy · 30/06/2015 14:09

Funny, if l was given an expensive camera - one of the first things l'd tell my husband was he could have a turn if he liked.
Your husband just helped himself didn't he? Is that why you are fed up?
I'm also struggling to see if you are just ranting, or you are seriously upset?
The bitch bit, l can't comment on, as l don't get the feeling it really worries you?

Kewcumber · 30/06/2015 14:25

So OP why do you seem more bothered about your DH touching your camera than him calling you a bitch?

Because OP clarified later that he didn;t call her a bitch - she asked him (based on his reaction) whether he thought she was being a bitch not to let him play with the camera and he said yes.

Not quite the same thing as "I'm not giving you your camera back you bitch"

ASettlerOfCatan · 30/06/2015 14:27

He is bvu for calling you a bitch. It isn't unreasonable to have a thing that is yours. Doesn't matter if its a camera and ghus sharable let the person who got the present play with it for a bit before you dive in!

MaidOfStars · 30/06/2015 14:41

I am shuddering at the thought of my husband getting his hands on my camera and lovely shiny lenses. He can fuck the fuck off.

On both the principle and for the item involved, YANBU. It is a gift for you. It is your property. You get to say who/when/how.

Sootgremlin · 30/06/2015 15:38

No one is saying it is a communal item, the camera is still hers, the cheeky bugger was just having a look at it downstairs in the house.

It just wouldn't occur to me to think that my dh was going to start appropriating my camera as his just because he was having a play with it. I'd probably say "does it look good, have you tried taking a picture?". I wouldn't suspect my husband of trying to screw me over with my own birthday present, nor would he actually be doing that, I'm not smug, but yeah, I think I married someone reasonable. So it seemed an odd conclusion to jump to, and that, with the inclusion of the word bitch in the OP, put a different slant on it.

CrystalCove · 30/06/2015 15:44

I wouldn't suspect my husband of trying to screw me over with my own birthday present

No, neither would I which also strikes me as odd that OP has jumped to this conclusion, OPs DH might have a history of selfish behaviour, who knows.

CrystalCove · 30/06/2015 15:44

Can see that now Kewcumber, wasnt clear.

quietbatperson · 30/06/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanc123 · 30/06/2015 22:31

How surreal! Thankyou to everyone that confirmed being married doesn't mean you can't be an individual and have a possession of your own! It's quiet a large feminist subtext to camera chat! And yes Im not sharing yet and he respects that now :) (that doesn't mean I don't share his heart Stepford Wives)

OP posts:
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