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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a present to myself and not want my husband to have it!!!

96 replies

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 21:57

I've had a significant birthday and my husband has encouraged me to buy a flash digital camera way over the price I would feel comfortable spending - my friends and family have chipped in too and it's a big deal present. He never mentioned about him using it until we were in the shop , as I assumed as i do art projects too that this would be my camera and not clogged up with his pics as well. Tonight I've come downstairs and he is playing with the camera and apparently I am being a bitch if I want it to myself... Is it too much to ask to have something to myself??? I would rather have a cheaper one and it be just mine!!

OP posts:

Methe · 29/06/2015 22:30

My DH bought me a digital camera for my birthday and it's mine but he's welcome to use it any time. We have lots of things that belong to each other but also belong to us as a family. Isn't that normal?

YouTheCat · 29/06/2015 22:35

There's a difference to someone being 'welcome to use' another person's gift and the giver of the gift monopolising it so the person who it belongs to can't have it. That's a bit shit.

OP, did you even want this as your 'present'?

Original poster

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 22:37

Love that ..."bloke sticks his willy ...but you won't trust him with your camera" I don't think he will break it really - it's got allora functions and programmable stuff so it is quiet personalised..... But if you have a present you don't want it taken over before you have had a go do you?

OP posts:

mumeeee · 29/06/2015 22:39

Well actually DH would let me use his cameras if I asked. However I wouldn't just use them without asking and photography is his hobby.

Original poster

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 22:40

Yes I asked for a proper digital camera because I wasn't using my proper film one (we have a good compact digital camera already)

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 22:43

Thanks For advice, I might ask for separate SD cards and boundaries on use when I calm down! But it is MINE!

OP posts:

Sootgremlin · 29/06/2015 22:44

I can't really imagine reacting the way you did to seeing my dh playing with my new camera. It seems very odd and petty, and not really like a marriage to respond in that way. I'd want to know what he thought of it and would encourage him to use it too, but that's because I love and trust him and we aren't selfish about our stuff in that way. It would be 'mine' but I would have no problem with him using it he never bloody takes pictures

The fact you did react that way makes me think he must have given you reason to, ie by being selfish and possessive of his own things, and, like a pp said, giving the impression he had used your birthday as an excuse to get something he wanted for himself. Calling you a bitch when you assert yourself over it. It's all a bit sad really, this is the person you are spending your life with. The attitudes on both sides don't seem 'normal' to me.

Original poster

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 22:50

Oooo sootgremlin I'm so happy for you, I bet you never argue and see eye to eye on all matters, but pointing that out to me harks of overcompensation and/or windup merchantism

OP posts:

GooodMythicalMorning · 29/06/2015 22:51

No not ott. Not fair to use it before you've even had a chance yourself.

Original poster

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 22:54

Ta!

OP posts:

Sootgremlin · 29/06/2015 22:58

We argue about plenty of things, thanks, but not over who touches whose stuff, we're a family.

You seem like a very angry person, he fairly readily calls you a bitch, enjoy each other

YouTheCat · 29/06/2015 23:03

I shall explain this with a box of chocolates analogy.

If you get a box of chocolates for a gift it's a nice gesture to share them with your friends and family.

Not so nice if you go to the cupboard to get the chocolates out and find the buggers have got there first.

The camera is OP's. Her husband should wait for her to offer to let him use it.

Original poster

Nanc123 · 29/06/2015 23:08

Wow scotgremlin..... No you are calm like yoda

OP posts:

whothehellknows · 29/06/2015 23:11

What youthecat said. And the bitch comment would not fly with me-- I'd have probably done something ridiculously OTT in response to that. Or fumed passive aggressively...

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 29/06/2015 23:13

I have a nice camera. All the family have used it at some point. However I expect them to ask first. I don't think that is unreasonable. I'd take the battery out when you aren't using it.

Sootgremlin · 29/06/2015 23:16

So now it's about him having it first and not about him using it at all. That wasn't what the OP said.

The box of chocolates analogy doesn't work, as the camera won't disappear if it is used. We could just stick to talking about the camera, everyone understands what has happened, people just have different attitudes to how big of a deal it is.

If my dh or I got a new gadget, neither would have to ask permission of the other before looking at or playing with it. A few others have said the same goes in their relationship. Sorry if that is upsetting to people who have a different dynamic angry OP but it's true, and just another opinion.

YouTheCat · 29/06/2015 23:17

It's not a matter of asking permission. It's a matter of showing some respect.

Yes, it's just another opinion. But what works for you and your family might not work for the OP and that doesn't make her wrong either.

CalleighDoodle · 29/06/2015 23:21

Why are so many people ignoring that he got angry and called her a bitch?

tanukiton · 29/06/2015 23:24

There are a number of things going on here. 1 you want something for yourself really just for you, so normally like a diamond necklace, designer bag or a pair of knickers. No one would expect you to share these types of expensive presents. The thing is you didnt want these type of generic it is mine presents, but something even more personalized, wanted, lusted after and couldnt justify buying by yourself. Hence, you being miffed that your object of beauty being man handled. Because it is a camera lots of people think you should share. IF it was from the other cat. they wouldnt be saying it is a family present.
I had a set of beautiful blue hand blown glasses. I didnt want to share them I just wanted too look at them. I did share them and regretted it ,notice had.

Nanny0gg · 29/06/2015 23:25

Yes, it's just another opinion. But what works for you and your family might not work for the OP and that doesn't make her wrong either.

^^This

TendonQueen · 29/06/2015 23:26

OK, how about if he'd bought her a book for her birthday, and then she came downstairs to find him sitting reading it, and he got arsy when she said 'I was just about to start that, can I have it?' It's bad form, and self centred, to make use of someone's birthday present before they've had chance for a proper go themselves.

tanukiton · 29/06/2015 23:27

If someone is messing with the settings it is SOOOOOO annoying.

DancingDinosaur · 29/06/2015 23:29

Its ok for you to want it for yourself. We don't have to share everything, at the very least he should have asked first. And he's an arse for calling you a bitch.

steppedonlego · 29/06/2015 23:29

sootgremlin do you mean to sound so smug? head tilt

chickenfuckingpox · 29/06/2015 23:30

ive had this with my ex bought me a new camera and played with it incessantly after a week or so i asked if i could use it he gave it to me and offered to show me how to use it i said no i can work it out he then proceeded to snatch it off me everytime i tried to take a picture in case i didnt have it set "right" eventually i got to use it but he then left it down where ds could reach it and he broke it apparently it was my fault

ive never let him use a camera of mine since

he was always so obsessed with any new gadget insisting on setting it up and trying it first it was sincerely annoying!

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