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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my child playing out in the street in the evenings.

83 replies

Candycoco · 29/06/2015 19:30

The past week or so we have been getting knocks on the door nearly every night from kids in my dd's class asking for her to go out and play.

Each time I've said no as we are busy or something like that because I do not want her playing out in the street. She is 10 and in year 5. She does have quite a bit of independence as she as been walking to and from school each day since the start of year 5, and has been allowed to go the the shop at the end of our road for milk etc for the past couple of years. These were well rehearsed in advance, talked about what she should do in different situations and we're slowly built up to, I didn't just let her do it all of a sudden.

We live in a busy, urban area and these kids don't live in our street, they just live in our area. So AIBU to not let her out to play with them?

I know she is 10 and I don't mind her playing out the front of our house with her cousins for example if it's daytime or school holidays. But I do not want her off roaming round the neighbourhood doing God knows what with a load of other kids. They've also been knocking at 7pm, which I think is far too late as she normally goes to bed at 8 to read for half an hour. They knocked at 7:45pm on Friday night which I just think it's way too late. It's one thing playing outside but just roaming round the neighbourhood I don't agree with.

One of the kids who keeps calling has bullied dd since reception and only this year stopped when dd finally managed to stand up to her with me guiding and supporting her to do so. I do not want her hanging around with this girl as she is the ring leader and not a friend. Dd tolerates her now but knows exactly what she is like.

I actually grew up round here too and did play out with friends after school, but what started as innocent riding bikes around and playing etc soon progressed once we were teenagers to drinking in the park and messing around with boys. I don't want her to be one of those kids. I hated being at home when I was a kid but she and I enjoy hanging out together and the reality is she's busy, she goes to dance and her other activity 4-5 days a week and spends eow with her dad, so I want to see her and know what she's up to in the evenings. Kids her age are so easily influenced and I worry about peer pressure and so on.

What do you all think, AIBU?

OP posts:
HalestormRock · 29/06/2015 20:40

CandyCoco - I agree with you. I loath seeing groups of 10/11 yr olds wandering the streets. It can't be denied that some of them do get up to no good. Some - not all mind (before I get flamed!).
I think 10 is still a naive age and, in my opinion, delaying the 'knocks' for a couple more years won't do any damage at all. As for the bedtime - nothing wrong with an early night for a child of that age - esp as you say she is tired by then too.

NobodyLivesHere · 29/06/2015 20:41

So, why ask then?? I dont get why people ask questions then get shitty when others disagree.

sliceofsoup · 29/06/2015 20:43

Its probably some kind of stealth judgement of the parents of the children knocking, and OP expected to have loads of mumsnetters nodding in agreement at the commonness of it all.

CaptainHolt · 29/06/2015 20:43

It's not 'playing' but it is socialising. I don't know why you are asking though, given that everyone who disagrees with you is apparently wrong.

NerrSnerr · 29/06/2015 20:45

Why ask and then get annoyed when people give their opinions?

StarOnTheTree · 29/06/2015 20:45

Playing in the street is fine but roaming the streets isn't. My DD (8) plays in the street with other kids who live here. We don't have a green but the street isn't that busy. Other children who are allowed to roam free also play in our street :)

I honestly think playing out freely is part of a magical childhood

This

SillyStuffBiting · 29/06/2015 20:45

Dead seagulls. That's what she is missing out on.

Original poster
Candycoco · 29/06/2015 20:47

I asked because I was hoping for a balanced discussion not to just be told I am ridiculous.

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 29/06/2015 20:50

Then essentially you asked "aibu not to let my kid do something they can't do anyway due to the setup where we live" which is pretty damn pointless as a discussion.

Goshthatsspicy · 29/06/2015 20:52

What kind of help did you want?
Or were you just ranting? That is fine obviously, however in this part of Mumsnet you're going to get opinions - some won't echo your feelings.

Original poster
Candycoco · 29/06/2015 20:53

I am happy to be challenged on my thinking but some people are just downright rude.

I was hoping for suggestions as to how to handle the situation with the kids that keep knocking, and if anyone had experienced anything similar but had managed to get the kids to play in our street for example. Never mind

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 29/06/2015 20:55

You don't want her to be a child like mine. Fair enough.

Don't expect me to agree with you then then.

usualsuspect333 · 29/06/2015 20:56

They will stop knocking soon enough. When they realise she isn't allowed out.

Just tell them 'no she isn't allowed to play with you' That should do it.

Goshthatsspicy · 29/06/2015 21:03

I gave you some help earlier. You probably missed it. Your set-up. seems incompatible with children knocking. In my experience, they will probably stop soon enough. Unfortunately, just in time (possibly) for your daughter to be allowed out! I might be misunderstood, but l think the crux of it, is you don't want your daughter to do what you did (as a young girl)
I think we all want to do things differently, it is natural.

coffeeisnectar · 29/06/2015 21:03

You didn't ask for suggestions to handle the kids calling.

You asked if ywbu to not let dd out to play.

Lots of people said yabu.

You are now wanting to discuss things. We have discussed things. You just don't like what we've said.

sunseeker66 · 29/06/2015 21:11

I didn't let my eldest out at that age. If the kids do go out then they are out of the front of our house. She was never left to roam. She is a perfectly well adjusted 13 year old who goes lots of places on her own now.

My youngest who is 8 only plays out in the garden. If someone knocked on I would just say she is not allowed out. She is quite young for her age though. Not many of the kids play out side here though. If they did I would probably let her out the front for a bit.

Original poster
Candycoco · 29/06/2015 21:14

Ok I didn't explicitly ask for suggestions but I assumed wrongly then that people wouldn't just have a go and would actually discuss.

It doesn't appear that everyone thinks iabu and I wasn't only told iabu actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
Candycoco · 29/06/2015 21:15

Thank you gosh for your help Smile

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 29/06/2015 21:55

Mine played out i honestly dont see the harm if these kids are calling for her then they obviously like her i let mine out after dinner for a while usually in our street its up to you though it isnt a big deal just say she has to stay out front.

Italiangreyhound · 29/06/2015 21:57

Kitsandkids ah...I was once called for by 2 older girls when I was 9 or 10. My mum let me go but we just hung around the park for a bit and then they just ran away and left me so I went home. I was never bothered about doing it again. that's horrible.

I feel a bit sorry for the parents who are saying some mean things that imply they think the child is missing out!

Maybe people who are saying they feel sorry for the child (!) or kids just need to play etc are forgetting that children can play in parts, playgrounds, their own back gardens or friends houses, they don't need to roam the streets to do it and also one of the kids who is calling for the OP's daughter is a girl who used to bully her until last year!

It's not a matter of trusting this child not to leave the steet! The other kids are from all over, will they stay in the street? Probably not, so OP's daughter would either be left alone in the street (such fun) or would end up going around with the group all over, which is fine if that is what is wanted. It's different if all the kids live in the same road, as some do round my way. I feel quite jealous they have lots of fun but our road just is not like that.

I think some people sound quite sneary about kids that are not allowed to play out!

sliceofsoup so sorry to hear of your experiences, hope the councelling helps.

Italiangreyhound · 29/06/2015 22:04

Candycoco I think some people are being very rude to, and there is no need for anyone to do that. It seems almost as if asking AIBU means you must be up for people being rude to you!

If we had a lovely green outside our doors and friends calling for a play it would be great! but walking the street doesn't sound fun at all.

In terms of the people calling for her - why not ask DD what she thinks about inviting any of them over or doing any activities she thinks may be good.

Good luck.

saoirse31 · 30/06/2015 18:30

the vision that's provided by original poster is of a ten yr old who's only allowed to be out in v strict circumstances and with parentally approved people and who's to be in bed at 8. that to many people sounds a bit sad and not v helpful to the child in terms of her development.

CrispyFern · 30/06/2015 19:04

I personally think it's really really important for kids to go out alone to socialise and not just have people over to play. So much to learn - independence, cooperation, leadership, problem solving.

If you live somewhere where it isn't possible then it can't happen. Obvs.

I can remember though playing out, some children were only allowed in their street, so if we wanted to play with them, we stayed in that street. Until they were allowed further. If you think you want her to stay immediately outside then that's a fair enough rule to have!

I didn't move from playing out to drinking in the park.
I moved from playing out to riding my bike all around the neighbourhood.

oabiti · 30/06/2015 19:20

My DD is allowed out on her own until midnight Blush

She's nearly 20Grin

On a serious note, op, do what you feel is right, but I know my daughter rebelled because of how 'bubble-wrapped' she felt. Although, now the rebellion stage has passed, she can see why I was like that with her.

LovelyBranches · 30/06/2015 19:21

You know your area and you know the children involved. I love in a quiet cul de sac where nearly every house has a young. Every evening they play and the mums and dads stand out the front talking to each other. I don't think I'd let my child just go off anywhere at 10 and I think 7 is too late to go out to play.

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