Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to not want to go away with ils?

25 replies

KindergartenKop · 29/06/2015 15:05

Pils have suggested going away for a weekend with sil, dh, me and our 2 dcs. Dh said it will be nice as we will get some time alone while they look after the kids. However I'm not sure can bear mil fussing over the children's safety, trying to over rule me and mil and sil actually arguing over who will feed/play with/change the baby. I feel very possessive over the baby around them as they take over. Aibu to not want to go or should I try and get over it. I felt the same when dc1 was a baby and we went on a painful weekend then. I'm less possessive of him now he's bigger so it's not forever!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/06/2015 15:07

I'd wave your DH off with the kids and enjoy the peace and quiet.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/06/2015 15:08

YABU because your Dh wants to spend time with his side of the family. And spend adult time with you.

Would you go away with your parents?

basgetti · 29/06/2015 15:10

If they are just a bit annoying rather than nasty and your DH wants to go I'd just suck it up tbh. It's only a weekend.

silverstar1 · 29/06/2015 15:11

I would go as DH would like to spend time with his family. Take advantage of some adult time with your DH

tumbletumble · 29/06/2015 15:11

I think YANBU not to want to go, but your DH isn't BU to want to go.

Can you try and find a compromise? Eg if you go, DH promises to intervene on your side if you are getting stressed about the baby - maybe you have a code word to alert him to the fact that he needs to step in and let MIL / SIL know that it's your decision?

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 29/06/2015 15:12

Let DH go and enjoy a weekend to yourself!

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 29/06/2015 15:13

His family live 15mins walk away and he sees them weekly and spends an afternoon with them every other weekend. The baby is still bf morn and night so cannot be sent away!

OP posts:
Tequilashotfor1 · 29/06/2015 15:15

After putting every one else's feelings before mine for years i now think 'fuck it' if I don't want to do somthing I dont.

Im assuming you can have 'adult' time another other weekend of the year??

Send him off with the kids and keep baby home. Or wave them all off if you can handle it !

Tequilashotfor1 · 29/06/2015 15:15

Xpost!

Keep baby at home !

CombineBananaFister · 29/06/2015 15:16

It depends how much free time you get together - are the weekends 'precious' so to speak because of work etc.

It does sound though that they are just a bit annoying rather than nasty or in any way a danger to your children.

I'd go but be firm about when you'd like to do things yourself if they're taking over or maybe just have some fab free time as a couple Grin

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 29/06/2015 15:16

And my mum wouldn't really want to go away with us, she finds the kids annoying. When I visit her I go for a week at a time in school hols and leave dh at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
KindergartenKop · 29/06/2015 15:19

Pils are very nice but really annoying. I can put up with that for an afternoon but I'm not sure I want to do it for 3 days.

OP posts:
NRomanoff · 29/06/2015 15:22

YABU to say no one can go. Let dh and oldest one go you stay with the baby.

My Pils are ok, whenever we visit we have to stay for the weekend. To far to go and come back. Its not my favourite thing to do on a weekend but they are dhs family and my kids grandparents.

Personally I think that, since you dh wants you all to go, and its only a weekend you should go.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 29/06/2015 15:22

YANBU. You don't sound like you want/need time alone with DH. Baby is BF. It's not unreasonable to not want to go at all.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 29/06/2015 15:27

Alone time with dh is only good if I'm not stressed about the children!

OP posts:
toofytrub · 29/06/2015 16:42

Say lovely - how about in June 2018, I should be just about ready by then...

Also is it a friday afternoon to monday lunchtime sort of weekend or a saturday after lunch to sunday after lunch weekend - a sparse 24 hours might be just about tolerable so worth suggesting as a compromise --for 2018 or whenever you're ready.

I'd also start practising saying 'Stop It! It's not your decision to make. Now go and enjoy your holiday so I can enjoy mine' in a loud strong voice...

EponasWildDaughter · 29/06/2015 16:54

I'd suggest the DH taking older DC away for the weekend with his parents too.

Nice bit of quite time alone with the baby - couple of evenings to relax and eat, do, watch what you please once the baby is in bed. House will stay relatively tidy with just you there. Knowing you've dodged a bullet without upsetting anyone. Nice :)

LokiBear · 29/06/2015 17:01

It is my idea of hell too. My ils are nice enough but they tend to take over and it is infuriating. The last (and only) time we went on a weekend with them was was when dd was 6 weeks old and they wanted dd to sleep in their room so that we could 'have a break'. Hmm DH reverted back to being a kid again and I ended up trying to manage a colicky 6 week old whilst everyone else decided to tell me what I should be doing. Never again. If I'd have known what having a baby would be like I'd never have agreed to book it. YANBU. Ask them to wait another year.

Lavenderice · 29/06/2015 18:17

I think YABU. The baby is not your possession, and your DH wants to spend some time with his family. I'm sure 3 days won't kill you.

PotteringAlong · 29/06/2015 18:20

Yabu; it's a weekend. It would mean a lot to them and to your DH. So does it matter who feeds / changes the baby? Take a book and let them get on with it!

takemetomars · 29/06/2015 18:22

it may not be the best time you will ever have but suck it up!
Part of being a grown up is doing things you don't really want to do.
YABU

Jessica2point0 · 29/06/2015 18:23

YANBU. Why go on a holiday that's just gonna make you stressed? Preventing DH going would be unreasonable, but presumably it's an invitation to go on holiday rather than a summons, so don't go if you really don't want to.

juneau · 29/06/2015 18:25

I can completely understand your reservations, but for a weekend I'd suck it up. If you don't its just going to cause bad feeling and I think that should be avoided unless your ILs are abusive or toxic, etc. As that doesn't appear to be the case and they live so close by you can't avoid them - so I'd go, but maybe stall a bit so the baby is a bit older? I felt very possessive about both my babies when they were tiny, but I chilled out a bit as they got older and once they were toddlers I was delighted for someone else to take over for a bit Grin

AnneElliott · 29/06/2015 18:25

I agree you should stay home with the baby. I now think I am also too old (at 36Shock) to pander to other people. Let DH go with the eldest.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 29/06/2015 18:34

Dh has agreed to put it off until the autumn which would probably be better.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread