To ask what your Mother/Daughter relationship is like with your Mother

[RachelRagged]

Hi

From as long as I remember me and Mum have not got on. We get on on the whole, I love her, she loves me, but .....
Example. Friday she came over and brought me some provisions, which I am grateful for . Some was fruit So "Where is the fruit bowl I bought you?" By the TV Mum said I.. Next thing its been moved elsewhere in living room ! She also gets irked at my pets, my children and my garden . I just feel like saying "Its my home, my pets and kids and MY GARDEN!" However she tends to turn things round like she is the victim !

Another is she has to be in control at all times. She sees it as "caring" , I see it as suffocating . I am 48 years old not 8.

On her plus side she is kind, generous and very giving ... I just don't see it getting any better as everytime I pull her up I get "Oh I won't bother anymore then, get on with it" . I would LOVE too "get on with it" but not allowed ! Its starting to get to Me . .Even my Dad and Sister have fallen out with her over her control kind of issues in the past.

Anyone else have issues with Mum?? Or Dad I guess ,, but my Dad is laid back, minds his own and is generally all together different to Mum . So as not to drip feed I did feel sad Friday , Group of us went out and when we got back I said I am much more like my Auntie, Auntie agreed.. My Daughter said I am completely different to Mum .. Mum said "You are kind like Me" then added "Come on , there must be more" There is not :( :(

"Enjoy them unless they are really evil."

I'd love to enjoy my mum but she goes out of her way to piss all over everyone's chips and make family occasions as difficult as possible.

Just stuff like when I asked her what she wanted to do for Christmas, she replied saying she didn't care and she hated Christmas. She's mentally stuck at the age of about 13.

But compared to a couple of the examples on here, she's mother of the year so I shall carry on biting my tongue and trying to keep the girls in touch with her.

Remembered another example.

Once on the phone we began a discussion about "us". I said "You don't cuddle me anymore" . . response "Well I thought you were like your Dad and Sister (not into cuddles) so left it". Yet when I do cuddle her on the odd occasion it is returned. She isn't like how my Nan was at all ,,, completely different. Perhaps its a family thing.

I haven't seen mine since Christmas and it's nice not being criticised. Or having the Martyr trip.

I love my mum to bits. She is bubbly, friendly, naughty and funny and doesn't act her age - think Ab Fab.

However, growing up, I was pretty bright, went to Oxbridge ffs, but from her it was always: You got 98%? What happened to the other 2%? I suffered from low self-esteem and could have done with her praising me every now and then.

My two DSis, my DBro and I always laugh that she was absolutely lovely to our friends growing up, just not to us! And she still rings up and bangs on about how amazingly our cousin or someone else's offspring is doing - just never us!!!

Well this will no doubt out me to anyone who knows me in RL but its one of those threads i cant quite just ignore. Besides - what could be more theraputic than unburdening oneself on the internet to total strangers. Although i am slightly off topic as its a mother/son relationship in my case.
I have two people in my life who I could call mother but one is mother and one is mum.

My biological mother gave up all rights to any relationship to me when she decided that my brother and I were a burden to her. Dad was away with work so we were a distraction from her getting laid and once she had been found out, decided to drop us with other family members "so that she could get herself together"... When we finally tracked her down 17 years later, there was no attempt at apology, explanation or even a hint of remorse. All she was interested in was herself and what was in it for her : minor example would be trying to get me to sign paperwork that would get her a larger council house etc. At this point my mind was made up that she simply wasnt someone I wanted in my life. There were a few other priceless examples but those really would out me. I know roughly where she is and I have no doubt that one day she'll turn up on my doorstep when it suits her the most. My wife knows all of this and does on occasion worry about it happening if I'm away with work etc, but openly admits that mother wouldnt get past the front door step. I dont think of her as anything more than the way some women on here refer to fathers as simply sperm donors.

Then there is mum - the woman who raised me, dried the tears and helped me become the man I am today. It was several years after I'd left home, got on with life etc, that I simply gave her a hug and told her deserved a medal for putting up with me : I certainly wasnt a perfect child. But my parents have children of their own - and whilst it shouldnt hurt, occasionally it does because they are treated differently. I know all the reasons objectively and they'd be mortified if I ever said anything but its obvious to others and outsiders how things are different. But I know that if I ever needed to call / talk / visit, she'd be there for me in a heartbeat.

As for the side issue of how to feel love - thats something I discuss regularly with my wife as I struggle to explain what love is and how do you know etc. The damage done by mother runs deep... If i lost my mum tomorrow i'd miss her but I dont know genuinely how I'd react because i cant say whether or not I love her.

Epic post - good luck if you've managed to read it all and make it to the end.

Just Visiting .. Your post is amazingly open , thank you for sharing .. I am glad on reflection, reading these threads, that I began it as I honestly did think my sister and I were in the wrong, something wrong with US, My sister has a different nature to Me and let;s it fly over her head ,lol . wish I could.

I am putting forward the good, kind thoughtful things she is also capable of below.

Got me out of a sticky debt issue with a little lecture but not too long.

Once paid for private dentistry for Sister and Me for six months. . Also she and dad paid for the whole cost of both our driving lessons when late teens.

Paid for a car for my sister and myself over the years. (Dad as well)

Buys us gifts out the blue as "I saw it and thought you would like it" (which 9.10 we do) and pretty little things that go in a unit etc

Paid for my sister's DD who has autism to be fast tracked diagnosed privately

I am also proud of my Mother. She came from working class (SAHM and a labourer Father, same with Grandfathers) and when retired was Chief Executive in her position in a company .. She had started there as a Receptionist. However this as well brings issues , I feel by some things she says, her telephone voice, etc that she is ashamed of that working class beginning . I may be wrong, Once in a row I shouted that at her , ,it was vehmently denied.