school punishment

[namech4nger]

Firstly my son is a good boy. I know everyone thinks their child is an angel but mine really is good. Polite and shares and many people have always complimented me on his behaviour. ...This also makes him a bit over sensitive and over emotional over things. ( like me really. I'm sensitive too).

Anyway on Friday he comes home from school crying. Been upset and crying all week including tonight. We attended a party yesterday and my son was his usual self at this time.. maybe the excitement made him forget. Anyway his still awake upset now and I just know there will be tears in the morning too. He dOes not want to go to school. My son otherwise loves school and learning and all his teachers and the 2 parents evenings there has been the teachers have said his a good boy.

so on Friday my son comes home crying that he was talking when he shouldn't have been so has been told his name is on the list and he will have to go on the wall on Monday. I told him that's correct and he shouldn't have been talking. He was really upset so during dinner after he calmed we stated talking through it and he said that his friend....let's call him Lee. ...was talking first my son spoke back...and then was told by the teacher he is on the wall.

I'm stuck on this.

This is the first time anything like this has occurred. I do n't want to go into the school and tell them he is not going on the wall as I don't want him to think that he can be naughty in the future and it's fine because mum will sort it out.

But the sticky point is he can't understand why he is going on the wall and Lee is not when Lee was the one who spoke first to then make him speak. I explained that things happen the world is not perfect Lee did not get caught but you did.

His not getting it.
He seems scared of the wall...I've explained it's standing next to a wall and not on it as he has never been on the wall before but he is do upset about it all and has been most of the weekend.

What do I do. Do I tell the teacher it was Lee too? Do I just send son in screaming and crying? my son even wants to write a letter to the teacher to say Lee was talking to him.

I feel heartbroken by this. I know that this is stupid. Aibu to ask what you would do.

my son is 5.

"My son is not a disruptive talker."

But on this occasion he was.

Tell the teacher he was upset over the weekend, because holding over to a different day has had a disproportionate effect.

It sounds as if he still needs help from you in dealing with the consequences of his actions. I think your aim here needs to be getting him to understand that what he did was wrong, it carries a penalty, the penalty isn't that bad, and he will get through it. And that sometimes the best learning comes from making mistakes, and moving on having learned something.

You're right cherylberyl, I suppose what I meant is there's no need for clouds and rockets for minor stuff, it's all a bit gimmicky and I do think shamey.

Seems quite extreme and humiliating for one offence!!! I feel for your son. I remember worrying about this kind of thing.

It isn't a public flogging for goodness sake!!
I think your son needs to learn a bit of resilience.it's a tough world out there.

you feel 'heartbroken' that your son talked when he had been told not to?
YOu really will need to toughen up a bit to make it through the next 11 or 12 years.

Not all children are "good" some are particularly naughty at school. They misbehave so much, that you can see the teacher running out of steam.
Of course there are "good" children. The teacher finds energy to deal with those when they slip up, as it pays off.
This is why 'good' children are so mortified when they get told off. They have seen classmates get away with it on a regular basis.

Thank you everyone.

It's all sorted now. I told my son that he will be going on the wall as he did wrong but we both don't know what the wall is yet and it could be something minor.

I spoke to the teacher and it's a few minutes out of play standing next to the wall whilst the others play..so not as bad as it sounds.

I said to the teacher I know to me and herself it is a storm in a tea cup situation but it has effected my son most of the weekend and this morning hence why we was 50 minutes late into school.

The teacher has took into consideration that some 5 year old are more sensitive than others and how it's upset my son and she will forward this feed back on.

I made it clear that I was only upset due to the punishment being on my child's shoulders all weekend and the fact that a child who loves school point blank refused to go this morning.

The teacher said she will sort it and she was shocked this happened as he Is normally so good. I told her I understand his not perfect but agreed in general that he is well behaved at school.

We agreed that if something else in the future happens on a Friday evening I will be called in to discuss how we go about It

I'm a Reception teacher so hope I have a fairly good understanding of early childhood development, learning, expectations, behaviour management etc. I'm also the mother of three boys including one who is currently in Reception.

My class is well-behaved and they know how far they can go so generally my praising of a child who is doing the right thing or a quick 'serious' look from me sorts any issues before they begin. However, if chn have done something a little more serious (such as purposely hurting another child) or repeatedly doing the wrong thing, even after warnings, (eg going round the wrong side of the playground where we can't see them) then they may lose 2 minutes of golden time on Friday afternoon (when they have to sit quietly with me instead of playing with their friends). I always tell my class it makes me very sad taking golden time off them and I only do it on very rare occasions as I don't like the 'punishment' lingering on even til Friday; I'd rather sort out the issue there and then.

To carry 'punishment' over to the following week is counter-productive for any year group in primary school but particularly for Reception. Missing break time for talking is bonkers! To have them stand against a wall is very outdated and I've not seen it used for years! I wonder if your child meant their name had gone 'on the wall' in terms of being written on the sad face? Reception chn are notoriously good at getting muddled in their explanations and understandings, particularly if they're upset. In all cases where you're concerned about something that has happened to your child at school PLEASE speak to your child's teacher to ascertain the facts. The teacher will want to help, especially if a child is distressed.

Finally, I don't know why you are being berated for saying your child is 'good'. I'm sure it's not something you go round telling everyone you meet(!). You are just making us aware of his character (quieter, more sensitive, tends to follows rules) and that this incident is unusual for him rather than a regular occurrence because we don't know your son and it's relevant to your post. You are definitely not smug!

Jeez. I'm with those saying "glad I home educate". I have one child in school and if this happened I'd pull her out.

I'm glad you have it sorted op
I wouldn't be happy in your shoes. The punishment is very antiquated. Interesting that the teacher is not budging on finding a more up to date way of dealing with it.

If you are happy with that type of punishment, then thats up to you.

They do need to sort something in regards to what happens on a friday. Its not fair to have the kids worrying all weekend. But it won't take them long to figure out misbehaving on a friday afternoon, means no punishment.

FWIW I have home educated, and now dd is in school. I haven't heard of any schools still doing 'the wall'. Just because one school does it, doesn't mean all do it.

Removing breaks is of used for much more serious situations, in my experience.

When I got sent to the wall at break times in primary school, it was just a cooling off period or time out. Things got a bit boisterous = 5 mins at the wall would give everybody a chance to recover and carry on as normal.

The wall never struck me as cruel or humiliating. But then again, the wall was a very normal 'punishment' at my school.

Big. Fuss. Over. Nothing.

I cannot believe that your child has been such an angel in his first five years that you haven't had to use some form of sanction at home, so he should understand simple consequences.

The teacher didn't want the children to talk. He talked. Whether or not Lee also talked is irrelevant.

Having to stand by the blackboard instead of going for break was a punishment in my junior school. A friend and I had to do it once (for ignoring the dinner ladies one lunchtime who told us to stop warming our frozen hands in basins of water in the loos and go out). The punishment was the next day. We didn't do it again!

Gobbin. Some children just are more sensitive. Infact in every class there will be a few really sensitive children. Just as there will be some with rhino skin

If you were 50 mins late to school your DS must be somewhat feisty!

I speak as someone who has had to get some very reluctant 5yo's into school.

Being sensitive doesn't always go hand in hand with feisty

My DCs have been sent to The Wall in the past . Never seemed to affect them .

OP , I do understand your being miffed at the fact the other little one started it but DS got caught. Happened to me once but I was 9 not 5.

You are over reacting somewhat though OP

Some small children who are the risk averse rule aware types usually will get more upset than average at perceived injustice (t notso much being punished as being the only one punished) and it can knock thir confidence in the way the world works the first time it hits home that life is fundamentally unfair and random :(

I think the OP ' S son does need a bit of sympathy (from those in his life, not Internet strangers) while he tries to get his head around this - if it'sjust him at home maybe it'snot than he's never been in trouble but that it been easy to maintain the ideal of fairness.

Learning that the world and authorityfigures aren't perfect is a useful lesson.

Taking away playtime is a crap punishment though if iit'smore than a few mins - removing the chance to run off energy and frustrations can hardly fail to produce worse behaviour or worse concentration as the day goes on.

I'm stunned by some of the reactions. This child is 5. Your 5 year olds may be tough little things but not all 5 year olds are like that. In fact it's the well behaved, conformist, sensitive ones who tend to be most upset by things like this.

Nothing - absolutely nothing - excuses imposing a punishment that hangs over a 5 year olds head all weekend and results in him not wanting to go to school. It's very very poor practice on the part of the school and I'm glad they've agreeed to review it.