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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sell baby stuff rather than give it to SIL

71 replies

STINGYY · 28/06/2015 19:59

I realise this is going to make me really seem really stingy and selfish.

Money is tight and I got most the baby stuff off eBay, the Moses basket, clothes, car seat, gro bags... Most of his stuff really.

SIL has just announced her pregnancy. It wasn't planned and the family is a little disappointed. Everyone has said they'll stand by her but it's not an ideal situation for her. I won't go into detail, this isn't the reason for my AIBU.

My partner has said to keep all our babies clothes and stuff so we can give to her. This is where I might be being unreasonable... I don't want to, I want to sell it on.

I sell his clothes, then I am able to afford to buy more off eBay. I probably could afford to buy new clothes, but it means we wouldn't be able to afford other stuff. We have to budget. I don't want to give away all this baby stuff that I could get some money for, money that we need.
She might not even want his second hand clothes and Moses basket etc and she might have a girl, in which case this is all irrelevant, but I don't see how I can say to partner that I don't want to give them to her, it's going to make me seem so selfish.

Do you think I'm unreasonable?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 28/06/2015 20:00

Can you not give her a few bits and bobs, and sell the rest?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/06/2015 20:01

Pick out the gender neutral stuff and sell the rest?

MrsV2012 · 28/06/2015 20:02

YANBU. She did make the choice to have a baby after all. It is not your responsibility to fund it. If you want to help that's great, but of not, you should not feel obligated to Smile

justbatteringon · 28/06/2015 20:02

Sell what you can give her the rest.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 28/06/2015 20:02

Well presumably you dp contributed to the cost of these items too? If so I think he has a say in what is done with them.

midnightvelvetPart2 · 28/06/2015 20:02

yankee

Could you sell the stuff that you think would sell well and keep the more nonsellable stuff for sil?

A compromise but to your advantage.

LashesandLipstick · 28/06/2015 20:02

YABU. She's in a difficult situation you could at least offer her the gender neutral stuff.

midnightvelvetPart2 · 28/06/2015 20:03

yankee?!

Autocorrect, I meant yanbu!

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 28/06/2015 20:04

Could you sell it to her for mates rates, selling on ebay is a faff.

bellybuttonfluffy · 28/06/2015 20:06

I think I would first find out if she would actually need the stuff. If this is an unexpected pregnancy, then she might not be as prepared and therefore really appreciate the offer. You don't have to give it to her, you could offer it as a loaner? To be returned if you have any future children or sell at a later time (maybe not realistic if it's been overly used).

Ask if she would like to buy it from you? But yes, I think if you so say that you would rather get money than helping out a family member in need, then you will sound selfish.

Penfold007 · 28/06/2015 20:06

Your DP, who presumably paid for a least some of the items, has asked you to keep them for SIL. If money is really tight ask SIL if she would like first pick of the items you are selling but make it clear they are for sale and not freebies.

dashoflime · 28/06/2015 20:06

Same as everyone else says- sell some and give some. Clothes don't fetch a lot on ebay and it is pretty much expected to give some hand me downs (at least it is in my family)

ICantDecideOnAUsername · 28/06/2015 20:07

I've always dreaded (hmm, perhaps too strong a word...) being in this situation. We've spent a fortune over the years on baby/toddler stuff and I really want to sell it all to make back some of the money; we didn't get any hand-me-downs so had to buy it all. Not in your situation (yet) but I too would be a bit put out if we felt we had to pass it all on to someone for nothing.

Sizzlesthedog · 28/06/2015 20:08

YANBU

You paid for it and went to the trouble of finding it etc at a good price on eBay.

Why should you fund someone else's baby.

It's not your sister so I wouldn't give all the high ticket stuff. Maybe a few neutral vests and babygros if you feel the need later on, as these don't make much second hand. But Moses baskets and big stuff, no way.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/06/2015 20:08

Are you planning another any time soon? We didn't give anything away as we knew we'd be trying for another fairly quickly afterwards.

DoItTooJulia · 28/06/2015 20:08

Just tell your DP the truth. Tell him how much money you could make by selling the items and that you need to use that cash for x,y and z for little Jimmy. If you don't sell it, he can't have that stuff. And tell him that you know it sounds stingy, but that's the reality.

Wishful80sMontage · 28/06/2015 20:10

It might be harder than you think to sell on eBay we had some designer stuff and lots of 'nice' stuff from verberdut/Jojo mama and didn't shift much- so sell what you can and give her the rest

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 28/06/2015 20:11

I think you're being a bit mean tbh. Family and friends should help each other out, if they can, imho. I think you should at least offer to pass some stuff on to her.

Birdsgottafly · 28/06/2015 20:14

If your DP helped pay for the stuff, then he gets a say in giving them to your child's cousin.

I live in a disadvantaged area, it's the norm to give each other stuff, my DD has just given her unused baby stuff to a struggling Mum friend.

This isn't going to go down well with other family members, either.

We are a supportive family, though. I couldn't imagine not giving something to a family member in need, unless I was living in absolute poverty (which I wouldn't be because I'd be helped by family).

Cornettoninja · 28/06/2015 20:16

Hmm I do think he has an equal right to decide on what happens with the stuff. You don't get final day as if being a father is somehow less than being a mother.

I think pass some stuff on (maybe stuff you'd like back if you had another and make that clear) and sell the rest.

Cornettoninja · 28/06/2015 20:17

*say

Original poster
STINGYY · 28/06/2015 20:20

Thanks everyone. I know I should help family out, I bought all the stuff from my savings on eBay, that side of the family didn't help me with anything like that. MIL does look after the eldest one when I need her to though, I am grateful for that.

Dp didn't buy anything. He pays all the bills and puts the food on the table. I'm responsible for clothing the kids and getting the stuff they need. So in order to be able to afford the stuff they need, I need to sell on the old stuff.

Thank you though, I will give her the neutral stuff and anything I think probably won't sell as good.

I can't use the excuse of having another baby one day though, I've made it very clear to everyone there will be no more.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 28/06/2015 20:23

No, it's the OP's partners sister! And the baby will be the OP's niece or nephew and her baby's cousin, not just some unrelated child on the street.

OP if money's tight I can see why you want to sell stuff but really I suggest you at least offer her some things.

Haily111 · 28/06/2015 20:24

It is entirely your choice hon. I handed all my first borns stuff to friends and family. But interestingly when i fell pregnant with my second (money was bloody tight as well) my cousins wife(whom i had given loads of stuff to) started selling everything on Facebook. Now THAT pissed me off and i did tell her. She argued that money was tight and therefor she had to sell some stuff and i point blank told her to hand the stuff back that we gave her as we were tight in bloody money too ???? so the moral of the story is, if you give the stuff to her dont expect it back x

WiIdfire · 28/06/2015 20:25

I've had this arguement with my own family. One sister was the first to have a baby so bought and paid for everything for him. Another sister had the second baby and expected all the hand-me-downs for free. I felt this was unfair on the first sister to have to shoulder all the costs so I offered to buy things at ebay prices. I've still ended up the best off as have had to pay for hardly anything, but even then family members have felt it was greedy of the first sister to accept money from family!

I'm with you on this OP - you shouldnt have to fund your SILs baby. Yes, offer her things that wouldn't sell, and sell her things at ebay prices, but you shouldn't have to give her things at cost to your family.

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