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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to sell baby stuff rather than give it to SIL

71 replies

STINGYY · 28/06/2015 19:59

I realise this is going to make me really seem really stingy and selfish.

Money is tight and I got most the baby stuff off eBay, the Moses basket, clothes, car seat, gro bags... Most of his stuff really.

SIL has just announced her pregnancy. It wasn't planned and the family is a little disappointed. Everyone has said they'll stand by her but it's not an ideal situation for her. I won't go into detail, this isn't the reason for my AIBU.

My partner has said to keep all our babies clothes and stuff so we can give to her. This is where I might be being unreasonable... I don't want to, I want to sell it on.

I sell his clothes, then I am able to afford to buy more off eBay. I probably could afford to buy new clothes, but it means we wouldn't be able to afford other stuff. We have to budget. I don't want to give away all this baby stuff that I could get some money for, money that we need.
She might not even want his second hand clothes and Moses basket etc and she might have a girl, in which case this is all irrelevant, but I don't see how I can say to partner that I don't want to give them to her, it's going to make me seem so selfish.

Do you think I'm unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

STINGYY · 29/06/2015 13:56

I know Moses baskets don't usually re sell very good, but it's a plastic Moba basket, I got it at a bargain on eBay so I'm hoping to sell that on. Baby has almost outgrown it already and SIL has only just announced her pregnancy, she's 8 weeks. So there is no where to store the Moses basket till she's ready for it anyway.

OP posts:

TooManyMochas · 29/06/2015 14:03

Re selling car seats, isn't the advice to not buy second hand car seats for safety reasons?

Woooooohoooooo · 29/06/2015 14:09

Just be honest with everyone. Tell him you have allocated a few specific items but you are selling most to get clothes

WhatchaMaCalllit · 29/06/2015 14:12

Give your SIL first refusal (at mates rates) on the Moses Basket and cot but on the condition that she take them now and store them herself. Otherwise these items will be going up for sale on eBay or DoneDeal. Don't overprice them but I wouldn't give them away either.

Show your DP similar items for sale on eBay and say that you're really trying to budget and the money from the sale of these items was to go towards X,Y or Z for your own kid(s). If you don't sell them its your kid(s) that will be going without.

I'd agree with TooMany in relation to the car seat. I don't think it's advised to buy/use a second hand car seat for safety reasons. The plastic that they are moulded from has a shelf-life and you wouldn't want to take any risks on the plastic breaking/shattering if involved in a car accident.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 29/06/2015 14:18

WhatchaMaCalllit · 29/06/2015 14:20

Oops. No idea how that double posted. Sorry about that.

YesThisIsMe · 29/06/2015 14:21

Can you even sell carseats on eBay? I'd definitely give DSIL that one.

SunnyBaudelaire · 29/06/2015 14:22

re the car seat , Moses basket etc., these are not suitable for passing on anyway, you can tell your DP.

As for clothes, well if she doesnt have a boy then she won't want anything br a few vests, which you could graciously save for her

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/06/2015 14:25

What Slithy said. You will set a precedent that you can't honour on an ongoing basis.

It's time to sit your DH down to explain in more detail how you are funding the clothes buying. He may feel that it's difficult to give his sister a cash handout and "stuff" represents another form which is more acceptable to a proud individual.

It's perfectly acceptable to give your SIL first dibs on something at market value if she is prepared to pay for it too?

MamanOfThree · 29/06/2015 14:34

I'm sorry but really think your DP needs to know how much it costs to buy clothes for a baby and how much effort you do to find things very cheaply.

Maybe sit down with him and tell him you need to have a look at a budget. Show him exactely the cost of all the baby stuff brand new in shops. How much you actually paid for it.
How there is no way you can carry on to do that if you don't resell stuff.

Just plain accounting things.

Maybe ask him if he has £xxx spare to buy new clothes as this is how much you would make from selling all the stuff.

The car seat... it is NOT advised to buy a second hand one but I know lots of people who have. Usually when they know the seller VERY well (so they know there has been no accident with it) or when money is extremely tight :(
I would be tempted to 'sell' it to your DSIL at a good price as you would struggle to sell it tbh.

Moses basket on the other side... that's something that you can sell well as you only need to change the matress for it.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 29/06/2015 17:24

Might be wrong, but I was under the impression the problem isn't with re-using car seats per se, it's the possibility that a second hand one might have been damaged in a crash and you wouldn't know about it. This is what I was told, someone correct me if it isn't true. So with that in mind, it might be ok to accept one from someone you know well? If so, you might want to think about giving SIL the carseat too, or at least not charging much: if you're not going to be able to flog it but it's safe for her to use it, why not? I do see slithy's point about setting a precedent that can't be honoured though.

Spendspendspend I'd have said M and S, Debenhams etc were relatively higher end stuff where baby clothes are concerned. As opposed to supermarket, Primark etc. A lot of people try to buy baby clothes as cheaply as possible because they get so little wear before they grow out of them, especially the first few months. I'm not surprised M and S outfits in decent condition were easy enough to shift though. Full price they'd cost quite a bit more than eg Tesco, so it makes sense. Whereas something like 12 used George vests are pretty unlikely to Ebay, because once you add packaging they cost near enough the same as new ones would in the sales. It sounds like OP has a mixture of brands, so with that in mind she's probably got some stuff that's very Ebayable and some that isn't really.

missymayhemsmum · 29/06/2015 18:39

YABU, your DP wants to be generous to his sis and future nephew/ neice, and passing stuff on is a way to do that at not a huge cost, bearing in mind that the stuff is third hand anyway. But YANBU to point out to your DP that there is a cost to his generosity, in that you won't be able to sell the stuff on to buy the next lot.
Give your SIL first pick, she may not want it all, and count it as your new baby present. Worth it in good karma and family solidarity, I promise you.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 29/06/2015 19:51

What has her maybe having a girl got to do with it?

Original poster

STINGYY · 29/06/2015 20:02

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 my youngest is a boy, so if she has a girl there is very little chance she is going to want to put her daughter in boys clothes. I will give her the gender neutral stuff.

The car seat situation is down to who ever buys it, I know it has never been in a accident. I broke the polystyrene part to it when I took off the covers to wash them. So I purchased a new polystyrene inside part from maxicosy, I still have the invoice to prove that. I wouldn't sell it on if it has been in an accident, I imagine the insurance company would provide a replacement. Some people simply can't afford to buy new. The SIL doesn't actually drive, but she may need the car seat for her mothers car, I'm not sure. But that was one of the most expensive items so I would prefer to get a little bit back from that than simply give it away she may potentially damage it.

OP posts:

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 30/06/2015 00:05

I don't see what makes stuff "boys" clothes when they are for tiny babies. Do they button on the wrong side. And how can a moses basket be gendered?
Give it away, sell it, whatever you want, its yours.

Haily111 · 30/06/2015 07:19

We have a blur moses basket, we also have blue blankets, blue sleep suits, vests etc, stuff that says boy or brother on it, so yes stuff can be gender specific x

Haily111 · 30/06/2015 07:20

Thats not a blurry moses basket was meant to say blue lol

NobodyLivesHere · 30/06/2015 07:32

Just compromise, lend her the cot, you can sell it on once Shes finished with it.

drivingmisspotty · 30/06/2015 07:33

If you split finances like that, perhaps DP could buy the clothes from you to give to his sister? And maybe you could help her out by giving her an ebay tutorial/inviting her to all the right Facebook groups where she can find baby stuff for herself? I really feel for her actually if the whole family are disappointed about her pregnancy. I have had a surprise pregnancy in not the best circumstances too. My family were sympathetic but I will be forever grateful that they were also really excited and positive. She might need morale support more than the free stuff anyway.

FeelingSmurfy · 30/06/2015 07:44

If you are determined to sell most of it and nobody understands you buying and selling on eBay then you could always say you had already promised xy&z to a friend but that SIL was welcome to ab&c. That way there is no hard feelings and you are still helping your SIL out, just not at the cost of your own child

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/06/2015 19:44

A baby girl really, really won't care if she is sleeping in a blue basket.

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