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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is just bad dress sense and to have suggested DH got changed?

100 replies

LuluJakey1 · 27/06/2015 18:41

Lovely day today and we decided to do a walk along the sea front to the next village where there is a nice junky market every weekend and places to have lunch and then walk back. DS ready in pushchair. I am dressed in blue cotton dress and flat sandals and pretty cardi.

DH comes downstairs in grey cotton shorts that are below his knees, washed out and baggy and do nothing for him except make him look fat and slobby(which he isn't) a once white t-shirt which is now grimy looking and shapeless, navy blue deck shoes and one grey sock which went up to his calf. He has got lots of nice things. I said he should get changed into something nicer and he looked hurt. Couldn't see what was wrong with it at all- including the one grey sock which he was wearing because the deck shoe rubs on his toe.

In the end after 'words' he changed into sort of slate blue shorts, a dark blue t shirt and walking sandals ad looked 1 million times better. He says he was quite happy and only changed to suit me and I should have left him to wear what he liked.

OP posts:

MadMum2015 · 28/06/2015 15:48

Tired, baggy clothes totally his choice. One sock? Embarrassing

keeptothewhiteline · 28/06/2015 15:50

One sock would be fine with me.

tametempo · 28/06/2015 15:59

Had to google 'walking sandals' I definitely would have preferred the deck shoes! But with 2 socks, obvs.

Dani240 · 28/06/2015 16:07

My DH is a bit like this! Not long ago he came downstairs in grey tracksuit bottoms, black dress shoes, white socks with the tracksuit bottoms tucked into them (so that the tracksuit bottoms didn't drag on the floor ) and a black jumper that he'd tucked into the tracksuit bottoms.

I told him that if he went out like that people would think that I was taking him on a day out, so he untucked the jumper . I wouldn't dream of making him change though, if he didn't want to!

riverboat1 · 28/06/2015 16:09

I don't know...you were only going o do casual stuff. The sock does sound silly though.

I struggle with my DP too. He sees no distinction between his lovely newer stylish clothes and his old crappy clothes eg 80s patterned jumpers. T shirts too, he'll wear whatever comes to hand whether it's a massive white thing with a logo on Ge got free from somewhere or a lovely stylish one. Don't even get me started on shoes...

Mostly I just bite my tongue a lot, unless we are going somewhere a bit special in which case I might intervene. I have also been known to rearrange the t shirt piles in his drawers so the shitty ones are always at the bottom. I once also gathered all his 80s era jumpers in a pile and put a 'warning: these jumpers are too ugly to wear' note on them, but left them in the wardrobe. I knew he'd find it funny, and to be fair he did relegate them to 'gardening/DIY' wear.

keeptothewhiteline · 28/06/2015 17:06

*I struggle with my wife too. She sees no distinction between her lovely newer stylish clothes and her old crappy clothes eg 80s T shirts too, she'll wear whatever comes to hand whether it's a massive white thing with a logo on Ge got free from somewhere or a lovely stylish one. Don't even get me started on shoes...

Mostly I just bite my tongue a lot, unless we are going somewhere a bit special in which case I might intervene. I have also been known to rearrange the t shirt piles in her drawers so the shitty ones are always at the bottom. I once also gathered all her 80s era clothes in a pile and put a 'warning: these clothes are too ugly to wear' note on them, but left them in the wardrobe. I knew she'd find it funny, and to be fair she did relegate them to 'gardening/DIY' wear.*

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 28/06/2015 19:29

I wouldn't police my partner's fashion choices as a rule but I would definitely be "WTF???" at one sock. And a calf-length sock to boot! As if he wanted to draw everyone's attention to the fact he's only wearing one sock

riverboat1 · 28/06/2015 20:03

Keep - so do you think neither men nor woman should have/state an opinion on what the other looks nice/less nice in? Or do you think that if women want to have and state opinions on what menswear we have to accept the inverse too?

I can see the pont you are trying to make, and take it on board. But I think in a relationship there is generally physical attraction there and that can be emphasised or downplayed by the clothes your partner is wearing. I know from shopping trips with DP that he'd be happiest if I wore short skirts every day but he doesn't actually expect that and we are able to laugh about it together the same as over his hideous jumpers. I also know he loves it when I wear my hair down and will sometimes hide my hairband to try to stop me putting it up. Again, it is lighthearted and playful, not a symbol of control or oppression.

The vast majority of the time neither of us comments on what the other is wearing, but sometimes we do and I think that's OK.

BackforGood · 29/06/2015 22:47

I agree with keep -am amazed that several people think it's ok to dictate what their partner wears on an occasion when it doesn't matter . Having a joke with your partner is entirely different riverboat. the op was talking about "making him change".
Yes, you can say you like / don't like something, but to insist they got changed and

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 29/06/2015 22:52

Socks with any summer shoes on my husband would be grounds for instant divorce. :)

Original poster

LuluJakey1 · 29/06/2015 22:53

Backfor good- I never used the expression 'making him change'. I said I had suggested he changed and said I thought he should change. I don't make DH do anything. He makes his own mind up.

OP posts:

Summerisle1 · 29/06/2015 22:59

What fresh hell are walking sandals? Do they, perchance go with an artfully faux vintage lifestyle and a hipster beard?

To be honest, OP, it all came across as fearfully precious and not a little controlling until the one sock. Even I, who firmly believes that adults should be left to make their own decisions about what they wear, would have demurred at the one grey sock.

coolaschmoola · 29/06/2015 23:01

Walking sandals. No, hell no, awful bloody things that suit no one and tend to be the preserve of the over fifties.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/06/2015 23:05

Walking sandals are sandals for walking as any fule kno. Contour footbed, grippy soles, proper straps. Bloody good for wading rivers in summer.

BackforGood · 29/06/2015 23:16

ok - but the point is, you made it clear you thought he should change, even though you weren't going anywhere with any dress code - you were going for a walk. Nobody cares what other people are wearing to go for a walk.

Dowser · 29/06/2015 23:24

Quasicrystals1456 Sat 27-Jun-15 18:46:09
No idea but your home town sounds lovely

I agree. Can I come next time? I have pretty dresses, pretty cardi's and some very pretty sandals.

I won't let you down ;-)

Dowser · 29/06/2015 23:28

My oh is a nice dresser but sometimes he gets it a bit wrong!

I just ask if he's doing some DIY while I'm out. That usually does the trick.

lunalelle · 30/06/2015 01:15

My DH dresses like an insane gnome has taken up residence in his wardrobe.

I mentioned it once, about five years ago. He got upset. I have not mentioned it since. If people point and snigger, on his head be it. He knows this :)

SilverNightFairy · 30/06/2015 01:29

Thank you..I have had a shit day and the story of one sock has made my laugh.

This is so off topic but it reminds of a pragmatic woman I worked with many years ago. She was very wealthy and her give a shit was broken. She injured her leg badly and decided to control the bleeding by popping a sanitary towel on top of the wound. She wound adhesive round the entire thing to keep it in place and continued for to see clients. She just could not be bothered with convention.

SiobhanSharpe · 30/06/2015 01:39

But who on earth thinks it's normal OK to go out wearing one sock? And with shorts too, so it was in full view!

YANBU, he needed to be told. You did him a favour.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/06/2015 06:20

I like "her give a shit was broken". Mind you, mine's not doing too well, or I'd be keeping the scars covered. One of them has a silhouette.

Babycham1979 · 30/06/2015 12:18

If the gender roles were reversed here, the thread would be filled with posts calling him emotionally abusive, controlling and demanding you 'LTB'.

Usual MN hypocrisy then.

Leave him alone. If he wants to look like a slob, that's his choice. Or, don't complain next time he looks you up and down and suggests you get changed before leaving the house.

riverboat1 · 30/06/2015 13:47

Babycham - so do you think neither men nor women should ever criticise the other's clothing? Or that both should be able to on occasion?

Mamus · 30/06/2015 14:06

My DH would have laughed at you and carried on wearing what he wanted to wear.
I think you were BU, not to mention controlling and superficial.

oddcommentator · 30/06/2015 14:28

The poor bastard.

I agree with the posters saying if this was reversed, the comments would be very different. I saw up thread someone who had trained their DP over the years? trained? for the love of christ on a crutch. He isn't a pet. They are not plasticene to be moulded to your will. They are human beings. If the opposite were being discussed women's aid number would be bandied about.

If you expect to be treated as an equal in a relationship, then treat your DH similarly. I would bet a penny to a pound of dried bananas that if he dared comment on your appearance there would be hell to pay.

Let him wear what he likes

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