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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This is a bit mean

24 replies

Leafitout · 27/06/2015 15:40

My ds has just been told that he isn't invited into town with his friends, because they are not his sort of people. Even though he is friends with them at school, year 7. He asked why and was told that it's only the Call of Duty game players allowed. I don't allow him to play this game for the obvious reason that it is an 18. But it is becoming more and more popular for his mates to play it on xbox parties and him saying he's being left out. He's sad now that he's been excluded from town. Which is a bit mean

OP posts:

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 27/06/2015 15:42

They aren't his friends and he needs to find some new ones.

gamingmum · 27/06/2015 15:44

Your son will forget about it befor

LazyLouLou · 27/06/2015 15:45

So, they are going to town as a group of kids with a common interest. To talk about it, reminisce about good moves, look for new/old versions of the game, basically to go out as a group of CoD players and their meanness is... they have not invited someone who does not play the game?

Would you feel different if they were a Glee Club and he didn't sing?

Yes, he is being left out. He doesn't something they do... he won't go rollerskating, sky diving, karaoking and many other things at many other times of life. It does feel mean, but everyone gets left out every now and then.

Original poster

Leafitout · 27/06/2015 15:47

Thank you winter that's what I have said to him. He's been trying to talk me into buying him the game so he can be in the group. I won't change my mind. Just feel a bit sorry for him being left out of going into town.

OP posts:

gamingmum · 27/06/2015 15:50

*e too long and might get better friends in time. Frankly those kids sound behind the times if cod is still the go to game, there are soooo many better games your boy can be playing!!! Unfortunately the no not you club mentality doesn't stop at school.

I work with grown up adults who have a "just us" club who do a lottery pool.

Original poster

Leafitout · 27/06/2015 15:53

I know it's a fact of life that you can be left out now and again. But it's an 18 aged rated game. Boys seemed to be obsessed playing it. They are his group of friends at school and don't leave him out there to talk about CoD.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/06/2015 15:55

That's the strangest reason I've ever heard for not being invited into town with his mates.

Are you sure he's not pulling a fast one and trying to tug on your heartstrings, so that you buy him the game?

LazyLouLou · 27/06/2015 15:56

So? You have made a choice their parents did not. That doesn't mean they will (or should) make a different choice to compensate for that difference.

You have a choice:

Support him in a positive way and encourage him to widen his group of friends
Contact the other kids parents and insist they stop allowing their kids to play CoD

AuntyMag10 · 27/06/2015 15:56

It is very mean. I doubt every single second is spent talking about Cod so that seems to be an excuse. Yanbu about banning him from playing it, it's not age appropriate and you are being a good mother by not giving in to this.

mommy2ash · 27/06/2015 15:58

He is having you on so you will buy him the game

LazyLouLou · 27/06/2015 15:59

AuntyMag - they are 12 years old. Chances are they will be running round town in character, ambushing, killing and making game play appropriate noises

ScrambledEggAndToast · 27/06/2015 16:00

I sometimes feel mean when my son tells me he is being left out online when his mates are playing GTA. He comes to me saying that 'so and so is allowed, why can't I?' etc etc. However, he's 12, the game is vile and an 18. I keep reminding him that it's their parents choice if they want to let them play but it won't make me change my mind. Doesn't stop me feeling a bit sorry for him though!! (He has plenty of friends who play FIFA though)

Original poster

Leafitout · 27/06/2015 16:01

No, he came downstairs looking sad and I asked him whats wrong. And he told me, he never asked for the game at all when telling me. I guess that group just want to talk about the game. But they do already talk to each other on headsets in the game party. Maybe they just didn't want him there.
I would never ask parents that question. But will of course support him to widen his group of friends. However, they are his main group of school friends.

OP posts:

EastMidsMummy · 27/06/2015 16:02

It sounds very mean, yes, for you to be limiting his social opportunities all for the sake of a computer game.

Original poster

Leafitout · 27/06/2015 16:12

Yes he has said to me before that I'm being mean not letting him play it. But why the rush, he's 12 not 18 as I keep explaining it to him. I have also told him that it's the choice of his friends parents letting them play the damn game. My choice to not let him!! Just hope that in the summer holidays he is not excluded through this

OP posts:

CoogerAndDark · 27/06/2015 16:21

DS Plays games that other friends have not got and no one ever gets left out just because they don't play.
This seems to be more than just a common interest thing - they are being mean by excluding him and he should try and find a new set of friends.
Your decision not to allow COD is a sound one and hard as it is to see him sad about being left out it's the responsible thing to do to not let him play it.

Original poster

Leafitout · 27/06/2015 16:27

I think it's the comment of "their not your sort of people" is the mean bit.

OP posts:

CrabbyTheCrabster · 27/06/2015 16:28

EastMids so the OP should let her son play a violent, cert 18 game just because the parents of his friends are irresponsible, lax twats?

AuntyMag10 · 27/06/2015 16:30

EastMids so the op should give in to social pressure all for the sake of her son being included. what will she be teaching him then?

Fauxlivia · 27/06/2015 22:28

Just because those parents have made a different parenting choice, it doesn't make them lax twats.

OP, if kids want to leave someone out, they will always find an excuse to do so. If it wasn't the game, it would be something else. They are just being mean and the fact that he doesn't play this particular game is just a convenient excuse. Agree that he needs to find some new friends.

EastMidsMummy · 28/06/2015 13:46

Yes, the OP should be flexible in letting her son play a Cert 18 game. He's not 7 or 8. He's 12.

Is there anyone on this thread who didn't see a Cert 18 film before they were the "correct" age?

flora717 · 28/06/2015 13:52

"Not his sort of people" no, because he's not being subjected to inappropriate images and violence for a child.
I think if they are obsessed and excluding anyone who doesn't play it he'd be far better to have a group of friends with a range of age appropriate interests. Those computer games (and headset things) are intended for adult players and the conversations are appalling. If they've moved to being onsessed and excluding others then something is wrong with that group dynamic.

PtolemysNeedle · 28/06/2015 13:59

It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing in trying to make your ds understand why you have taken this decision for him (very much the right one IMO) and in trying to support him to widen his friendships and build his resilience. His friends are being mean, unfortunately children are sometimes.

Threads like this make me very thankful that the vast majority of parents round here don't let their 12 year olds play 18 rated games.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/06/2015 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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