to be really disappointed in someone I thought was lovely being anti equal marriage?

[feezap]

A bit of back story so as not to drip feed. This man is a colleague based in the US. He and his wife were very kind and supportive to me after a mmc having experienced similar. Really, he is one of the nicest blokes I have met, gives great hugs, keeps am eye out for people and seems aware of peoples sensitivities.

Yesterday, in a day full of awful news it was great to see that the whole of the US has now reached marriage equality. I was thoroughly enjoying seeing the White House profile being rainbow coloured and everyone's fantastic reactions. I was happily liking away on Facebook.

However, the wife put up several status updates saying the country was allowing sin, and quoting from the bible. These statuses went from me thinking I hope she's talking about something else to so pointed that hope disappeared. The man also then liked several posts from religious leaders against the new laws.

I am not religious for many reasons but have several friends from varying faiths. None have ever expressed any homophobic views or in fact any sort of discriminatory ones.

I am struggling to understand how such lovely people, who I know have been discriminated against in the past, can be so nasty. It may often be veiled as feeling sorrow for the sinners but it is still homophobic. What if one of their children is gay, the situation could end up entirely miserable.

Anyway, it has really upset me that such kind people aren't kind at all in this situation. AIBU to feel like this?

Only on Mumsnet do I find people that feel they can no longer be friends at all because they disagree on one aspect.

A pretty fundamental aspect, though. There are enough people in the world to be friends with. Why waste friendship on someone who holds such abhorrent views?

I wouldn't hesitate to end a friendship in this scenario. It's a huge indicator of someone's world view and morals and would be a complete dealbreaker for me.

They are not good people.

Good people don't object to other humans being allowed to marry the person they love.

Good people don't see gay relationships as inferior to straight ones.

Good people don't think that consenting adults sleeping together is sinful.

They're brainwashed bigots. Drop and move on.

I struggle with a lot of my family's views across the World.

These include attitudes towards Gay/Disabled people, Women, Animal Rights and the Death sentence/Human Rights.

They are "good people" individually and on a one-to-one situation, but I wouldn't want to live in a society governed by them.

I tell myself that they are very much influenced by their environment and the culture that they were bought up in, which has also blocked them from learning and being open to a different way.

It limits conversation, though.

I believe that it's how people treat other people which is important, not what their opinion is on any given subject.
For example, I have strong personal beliefs against abortion and will happily discuss this with people if the subject arises, however I fully accept that the law in our country allows them to take place, I understand the reasons behind the law and a woman's right to choose and I would never judge anyone who chose to undergo such a procedure as I know that different people hold different views to mine on the subject.
I think I am entititled to hold and voice my opinion as long as I don't treat anybody differently who holds a different opinion to me - surely that's what democracy is all about?
My parents struggle with the concept of homosexuality and it's not something they are comfortable with and their view is that marriage is between a man and a woman, however I have close frinds who are gay and have recently converted their civil partnership to a marriage and my parents treat them with the same courtesy and respect that they do all my friends - it's actions not personal opinions which people should be judged on!

There are people on here calling people who disagree with same sex marriage "brainwashed bigots". Actually, they are people who believe what the vast majority of societies have believed since the dawn of time. An acceptance of same sex marriage is VERY recent. Perhaps now we are in more enlightened times, but that does not make these people bad people.

I am a Christian, I don't believe in same sex marriage. My best friend in the world is gay. I love her and support her relationship. We have differing views but we are still best friends. I am not a bad person. She is not a bad person. We just have differing views. I believe in legal rights for same sex unions to protect their interests. I hope people don't judge and think bad of me because of my opinion. Just as I would not judge and think badly of someone for theirs.

Mermaidhair it sounds as though you feel that marriage is essentially a religious institution, is that right?

I find it unusual that you don't support gay marriage but your best friend is gay.

If I am a bigot for disagreeing with gay marriage but you cannot accept that I have a different point of view to you - does that not make you a bigot too?

I am all for equal marriage. Went to celebrate last year with two friends who had been together for 20+ years and could finally officially get hitched. Marvellous. All good.

However, I do think it is a little bit unreasonable to not be able to consider why some people have a problem with it. It's astonishing how quickly Western society has changed its mind over this. Great, but astonishing.

So I don't agree with your Facebook friends' stance, but I can understand why they have not suddenly changed their minds just because it is now legal in the US (especially if they are religious).

I guess it does make you a bigot to be intolerant of others opinions by definition.

But why the fuck would I want to hang around with small minded, or racist or homophobic people. Why would I want to spend my time around with anyone who I can't respect or is filled with petty hate.

I have plenty of friends who I can disagree and debate with on many different issues from religious beliefs to moral rights and wrongs but none of whom who don't believe in equality for all irrespective of gender, ethnicity, background, sexuality or anything else that people have no choice over.

Mermaid I think a majority of the UK population would think bad of you for that opinion.

Even my FIL who used to be a horrendous homophobe has coloured his FB page rainbow coloured. Thankfully times they are a changing.

Mermaidhair I absolutely do judge you for having that opinion. But if your gay best friend isn't bothered well then that's her choice (even if I'm stumped how she can be best friends with someone who would deny her equality.)

I think it is very hard to understand the complete hold that religion has on mainstream USA.

Tremendous over-generalization. A majority of Americans do identify as being religious. A majority of Americans support marriage equality.

Opinions are one of the few things it's totally OK to judge someone by.

Nomi: "Good people don't think that consenting adults sleeping together is sinful."

It's not as simple as that. Thirty years ago you'd have found that the vast majority of people in this country would have disapproved of gay marriage. Go back just a bit further and you'd find the majority disapproving of sex between heterosexuals before marriage.

In fact, if you look around the world, I'd be prepared to bet that the vast majority of people are opposed to gay marriage. Are you saying they're all bad people?

This stuff is cultural - most of us are conditioned by the particular social climate in which we live.

U am actually interested about where the beliefs come from. do pool memorise the bible from.an early age??

I mean my parents never discussed this kind if stuff. We aren't religious at all but I went to a c of e school where we had assembly and prayed every day. I did RE at some point at school. We had a priest who visited weekly. We had harvest festivals and other stuff held in churches sometimes. yet views on homosexuality were never mentioned. I don't recall ever hearing about it as a kid at all. not at home.or at school. primary or secondary.

I can't even remember how I came to know either. none of the stuff I grew up watching was something. that featured gay characters. not that I recall anyway.

It was through no influence of anyone that when I finally met someone who confessed to being gay that it never even occurred to me to be bothered about it or think anything about it at all really.

that just makes me think, well people must go out if their way to drum it into people that it's wrong or someone's going to hell etc which is not the action of good people. to be actively preaching hate.

I am

that's should say.

and people. not pool

Ok, so let's take a different perspective and focus on the word 'equal' (forget religion for a minute). If equal marriage has been asked for as an equal right for gays, why has a completely unbalanced amount of time been devoted to giving 1-2% of the population equality in marriage?

With male/female equality that makes sense as there's pretty much a 51:49 ratio so it makes sense that men & women should have equal rights under the law to protection.

Gays already had equality under the law with civil partnerships (though that took a ridiculous amount of time to become law and was long overdue.) But, why keep banging on about wanting to call it marriage? The word Marriage should still mean a loving commitment between two people of opposite genders. It just does, so why not stop once you have equal rights, which they now have, and stop pressing on and on about wanting to give it the name 'marriage'? Why not 'civil partnership' or 'common law partnership' for example? Why can't a straight partnership just stay as a marriage and a gay partnership be called something else?

Just saying what I know a lot of people think but are frankly too petrified to say as they know they will be vilified by someone waving a rainbow flag in their face if they don't celebrate it publicly and join in some silly feather-boa'd parade, which must annoy so many people - gay too - as not everyone needs to be publicly overjoyed about it. We're happy for you, really we are, just don't expect us to spend all our time being so joyful.

But why should a straight partnership be called a marriage and a gay partnership not? Why not have it as equal?

The word Marriage should still mean a loving commitment between two people of opposite genders. It just does

Not anymore sweetpea!

of course people are public ally overjoyed.

they can finally get married.

Our children can marry the person they want to marry and share the same joy of being able to have a wedding like their friends.

who wouldn't be happy?

Equally (that word again) why can't we have two different words as there are more people than the media would have us believe, who don't see the point of residing the word, as gay couples had equal rights, which is what they needed, already.

Still, as Fraggle says 'not any more'. We can't go back but why the need to take that extra step and annoy everyone in the majority? Just seems vindictive to me & childish "you got it so I wanna have it too".

I'm fully in favour of equality & I'm just saying that's what we had already achieved. There was no need to change the dictionary definition too as we were already calling civil partnerships 'gay marriage' anyway?

Civil partnerships didn't mean equality. "Separate but equal" was an argument used to promote racial discrimination in the American south. Civil partnership was similar to that.

Why on earth would it be annoying

It's not two kids arguing over a toy. People just wanted to get married. like everyone else can. I'm sure medically it's a huge relief too. finally husbands can make the call fir their husband rather than the dads/mums who haven't seen them.in years let alone know what they want.