to be really disappointed in someone I thought was lovely being anti equal marriage?

[feezap]

A bit of back story so as not to drip feed. This man is a colleague based in the US. He and his wife were very kind and supportive to me after a mmc having experienced similar. Really, he is one of the nicest blokes I have met, gives great hugs, keeps am eye out for people and seems aware of peoples sensitivities.

Yesterday, in a day full of awful news it was great to see that the whole of the US has now reached marriage equality. I was thoroughly enjoying seeing the White House profile being rainbow coloured and everyone's fantastic reactions. I was happily liking away on Facebook.

However, the wife put up several status updates saying the country was allowing sin, and quoting from the bible. These statuses went from me thinking I hope she's talking about something else to so pointed that hope disappeared. The man also then liked several posts from religious leaders against the new laws.

I am not religious for many reasons but have several friends from varying faiths. None have ever expressed any homophobic views or in fact any sort of discriminatory ones.

I am struggling to understand how such lovely people, who I know have been discriminated against in the past, can be so nasty. It may often be veiled as feeling sorrow for the sinners but it is still homophobic. What if one of their children is gay, the situation could end up entirely miserable.

Anyway, it has really upset me that such kind people aren't kind at all in this situation. AIBU to feel like this?

[HermioneWeasley]

I will respect and tolerate other people's views up to the point they impinge on my freedoms. Want to believe in God? Knock yourself out. Think your belief in God should dictate my rights to get married, have an abortion etc? Fuck off.

[TTWK]

Oh and no I don't believe that one should have to tolerate every belief or religion.

People are entitled to believe whatever supernatural claptrap they wish, and we should be tolerant of peoples right to believe garbage.

But when people tell me I should have respect for the religious views of others, that's where I draw the line. I do not have to have respect for grown adults who still have an imaginary friend.

[feezap]

Thanks all, so I don't think I am BU to be disappointed with someone I know is lovely vehemently broadcasting views which are discriminatory. I think being disappointed is probably just human nature in this case.

I wasn't asking if I should cut them off or confront them. I have made my support clear on Facebook for the change in the law so they will know. They will only ever be Facebook friends and if their posts get too extreme I can easily unfollow them (sadly I can't do this with some family who have some dodgy views!).

[Tessbrookes]

I think they're entitled to their opinion. I couldn't not just abandon a good friendship because they didn't believe in gay marriage.
I couldn't tolerate extremism and killings.
A different viewpoint to me on what marriage means? No, not so much. We're all entitled to our own opinions in that respect.

[Burke1]

You could maybe just agree to disagree on political views because if you make it a condition that every one of your friends must share your views to remain a friend you won't have many.

[DowntownFunk]

It is hard to be tolerant of bigotry venus, and there is no need to be.

[nooka]

Oh and no I don't believe that one should have to tolerate every belief or religion. Many religions are misogynist and plenty of beliefs are actively harmful.

I also don't think tolerance is the right attitude to aim for when it comes to half the other things you list, I don't think it's right that I should 'tolerate' someone being gay, that seems like a very low bar to me.

[nooka]

The other thing is that deciding to use your facebook 'platform' to post multiple homophobic statements (ie 'allowing sin') is asking for judgement. I would feel a need to challenge or to block someone like that because I would feel somehow complicit otherwise.

I have a bisexual dd, and should she find a female life partner I hope she will get married and be very happy, in exactly the same way as if she found a male life partner. We recently went to a wedding of two women and it was just lovely, lots of very very happy friends and family, a beautiful service and a great party. The only difference was that there were two beautiful brides (and ten bridesmaids! ).

I live in Canada and marriage has been open to same sex partners for ten years now with no issues caused to anyone.

[venusandmars]

IMO all religions are hokum, therefore beliefs based on these religions are also hokum.

On one side of a debate is tolerance, and on the other side is prejudice. Tolerance means tolerance of all diversity - race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, belief, class, age.... We should work towards tolerance of them ALL (even / especially when their views and experiences are different from ours).

[cigarsofthepharaoh]

I don't quite see how deciding that a friend's view is a dealbreaker. I'm gay and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought of my relationship as lesser, or that we're harming our children purely through our gender. Why am I the prejudiced person for not feeling warmly towards such a person?

FWIW I'm aware that people can have homophobic prejudices while being lovely people. My DM is one of those people. The difference between her and outright homophobes is that she recognised her ingrown prejudice and strived to get past it. I could be friends with someone like that.

[lemonade30]

your friend's prejudices do not define them.

[dejarderoncar]

can't educate pork

[DowntownFunk]

IMHO

[DowntownFunk]

IMO all religions are hokum, therefore beliefs based on these religions are also hokum. Bigoted ideas such as homophobia resulting from someone's belief in a sky fairy only serve to remind me to be thankful I'm not one of them.

We are humans. Mammals that have evolved to a place where they can build civilisations. Marriage itself is just a social development and it is ludicrous that equal marriage is even questioned.

Comments about best friends being gay but not believing in equal marriage are beyond moronic.

[Pumpkinpositive]

These things are often mentioned on Internet forums by those who totally misunderstand Christianity. These are Jewish laws, the first Christians were Jews, yes. However they were differentiated from other Jews by their belief that they were saved by their faith in Jesus alone, not by following the many hundreds or thousands of Jewish laws (many detailed in the Old Testament) that related to every aspect of life.

Jesus himself didn't seem to agree with your take on the OT.

[HermioneWeasley]

Agree, civil partnerships did not give the same rights as marriage.

Equally you had legal,y recognised marriages outside religion, so to say it is a religious word is a nonsense.

Marriage is a social construct and can be redefined for the times, as it has been throughout human history. This is the latest variation

[LiberalPedant]

The civil liberties in the US Constitution are actually a protection against the majority. They embody the notion that some rights are so basic to the human condition that even democratic governments, acting through the will of the majority, cannot deny these rights. The Supreme Court decision in the US is in line with this notion, but having said that, it helps that the majority of Americans do support marriage equality.

[DressingGownFrown]

So would it just be 'their opinion' if a friend thought that interracial marriage should be illegal?
I would hope not.
To me, opposing gay marriage / equality for lgbt people is the same as racial segregation etc...

[FraggleHair]

We can't go back but why the need to take that extra step and annoy everyone in the majority?

And nonsense statements like that are the reason I'm glad Ireland held a referendum on the matter. So people like you can't falsely claim that this was thrust upon an unwilling populace.

Civil partnerships do not give all the advantages of marriage so to say equality already existed is rubbish.

[TTWK]

These things are often mentioned on Internet forums by those who totally misunderstand Christianity. These are Jewish laws, the first Christians were Jews, yes. However they were differentiated from other Jews by their belief that they were saved by their faith in Jesus alone, not by following the many hundreds or thousands of Jewish laws (many detailed in the Old Testament) that related to every aspect of life.

But there are many references in the New Testament to the fact that the Old Testament is the word of god. In fact Jesus says himself that he is not hear to override the the given word of god (the OT),. but to add to it.

Christians often like to shy away for the horrible stuff in the OT by playing the "nothing before Jesus counts" card, but it just won't wash. Jesus endorses the OT.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Why on earth would it be annoying

It's not two kids arguing over a toy. People just wanted to get married. like everyone else can. I'm sure medically it's a huge relief too. finally husbands can make the call fir their husband rather than the dads/mums who haven't seen them.in years let alone know what they want.

[EastMidsMummy]

Civil partnerships didn't mean equality. "Separate but equal" was an argument used to promote racial discrimination in the American south. Civil partnership was similar to that.

[MrsRossPoldark]

Equally (that word again) why can't we have two different words as there are more people than the media would have us believe, who don't see the point of residing the word, as gay couples had equal rights, which is what they needed, already.

Still, as Fraggle says 'not any more'. We can't go back but why the need to take that extra step and annoy everyone in the majority? Just seems vindictive to me & childish "you got it so I wanna have it too".

I'm fully in favour of equality & I'm just saying that's what we had already achieved. There was no need to change the dictionary definition too as we were already calling civil partnerships 'gay marriage' anyway?