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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really disappointed in someone I thought was lovely being anti equal marriage?

97 replies

feezap · 27/06/2015 06:16

A bit of back story so as not to drip feed. This man is a colleague based in the US. He and his wife were very kind and supportive to me after a mmc having experienced similar. Really, he is one of the nicest blokes I have met, gives great hugs, keeps am eye out for people and seems aware of peoples sensitivities.

Yesterday, in a day full of awful news it was great to see that the whole of the US has now reached marriage equality. I was thoroughly enjoying seeing the White House profile being rainbow coloured and everyone's fantastic reactions. I was happily liking away on Facebook.

However, the wife put up several status updates saying the country was allowing sin, and quoting from the bible. These statuses went from me thinking I hope she's talking about something else to so pointed that hope disappeared. The man also then liked several posts from religious leaders against the new laws.

I am not religious for many reasons but have several friends from varying faiths. None have ever expressed any homophobic views or in fact any sort of discriminatory ones.

I am struggling to understand how such lovely people, who I know have been discriminated against in the past, can be so nasty. It may often be veiled as feeling sorrow for the sinners but it is still homophobic. What if one of their children is gay, the situation could end up entirely miserable.

Anyway, it has really upset me that such kind people aren't kind at all in this situation. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:

noeffingidea · 27/06/2015 09:19

I wouldn't write them off either. People's views change and evolve with time, and that happens through keeping communication open.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2015 09:29

I knew someone would be along to split hairs about whether it should be referred to as 'gay marriage' or 'equal marriage'. It's just pedantry to say 'the issue is not GAY marriage', when in fact it is.

That's like saying feminism isn't about WOMEN'S rights, it's about EQUAL rights. Two ways of saying the same thing: women's rights should be equal to men's rights.

benandholly1978 · 27/06/2015 09:32

Hear hear floundering

CaptainHolt · 27/06/2015 09:33

I prefer equal marriage. I'm bisexual, not gay, so I haven't been in a gay relationship and if I married a same sex partner it wouldn't be a gay marriage. I accept that this is pedantry but we have a shitty enough time with biphobia without being erased in the equal marriage debate.

hackmum · 27/06/2015 09:45

It's a hard thing to come to terms with, I think. Several years ago I worked with someone who I really liked - he was great fun, excellent sense of humour, just a good guy to be around. And then one day he came out with an appallingly racist comment and I just couldn't believe it. I never felt the same way about him again.

In this case perhaps you just have to accept that you will value them for their good qualities while recognising that they're not perfect. They don't think they're bad people - they think they're being reasonable.

HermioneWeasley · 27/06/2015 09:52

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel differently about someone when you find out they think other human beings should not be entitled to the same rights that they enjoy. I find that pretty repellant.

My right wing fundamentalist Christian cousin does indeed have a gay son. The son is a miserable alcoholic who is estranged from his family. It hasn't "taught" his bigoted parents anything, but he is drinking himself to death, and has recently been arrested for DUI, so may well end up killing some innocent party. It's a very sad mess.

noeffingidea · 27/06/2015 10:00

Some people change, and others don't ,Hermoine.
One member of the WBC left because Louis Theroux interviewed her. He didn't attack her, he questioned and communicated with her.One person's change of view can lead to anothers.

ASettlerOfCatan · 27/06/2015 10:01

I'm christian but I believe in rights for all. God made us all. I don't have a right to judge anyones lifestyles. It is totally not my place.

HermioneWeasley · 27/06/2015 10:02

Not sure what your point is effing?

That we should hope gay kids have bigoted parents so they can make them more tolerant?

Mrsjayy · 27/06/2015 10:02

I am sure he is a lovely bloke kind caring etc but if he is so bigotted because of his religious views then it is something you need to accept or not i did laugh reading the eejits on twitter saying "going to canada" because the US was ruined they are so dimwitted they didnt know they have equal marraige there

ASettlerOfCatan · 27/06/2015 10:03

I agree to disagree with people like this btw.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/06/2015 10:12

Fair point, CaptainHolt, I stand corrected. Sorry, I admit that I hadn't thought about it like that!

Pumpkinpositive · 27/06/2015 10:49

I'm christian but I believe in rights for all. God made us all. I don't have a right to judge anyones lifestyles. It is totally not my place.

It's not your place to judge, but presumably you concede that it's God's place to judge?

And some many Christians believe that the bible is the Word of God and that the bible proscribes against homosexual intercourse (and by extension, marriage).

You don't have to agree with them or their beliefs - God knows I don't - but I don't see why people are so surprised and appalled that devout, practising Christians may have issues with laws and practises that flout what they believe is the holy Word of the sphagetti monster God.

All the bollox posting on the Facebook page is tasteless in the extreme though, I'll give you that, OP.

DowntownFunk · 27/06/2015 10:53

Hopefully it will go from Equal Marriage to simply marriage in the not too distant future.

I have some FB friends, who I don't want to remove for good reason, from the States. Some of their opinions are mindbogglingly ignorant...even if I had those opinions, I wouldn't express them in a room with just DH and I, never mind online.

TTWK · 27/06/2015 10:57

There are 4 references in the bible to the abomination of homosexuality, but 25 references in the bible to the abomination of eating shellfish. I've never understood why gay bars get a rougher ride off Christians than oyster bars.

QuintShhhhhh · 27/06/2015 10:58

OP, you should not judge either.

Why is your judgement more valid than theirs? You seem to have your own prejudices, just not one against homosexuality.

Maybe you have other aspects of your personality or views that others might not agree with?

QuintShhhhhh · 27/06/2015 11:00

abomination of eating shellfish equally pork, due to parasites. From one perspective the bible is on of the oldest health and safety manuals regards to what is safe to eat or not.

Today we have the means and knowledge to keep our food fresh, healthy and free of food poisoning, to a much larger degree than in those days.

FishCanFly · 27/06/2015 11:00

YABU. This is such a hot potato subject. People get all sorts of shit thrown at them for being honest.

Pumpkinpositive · 27/06/2015 11:01

Problem solved. OP should start posting status updates about the abomination of shell fish eating by all those hell bound heathens. Hate the sin and all that.

I hope your chums don't mixed fibre clothing, OP.

charlestonchaplin · 27/06/2015 11:46

*Problem solved. OP should start posting status updates about the abomination of shell fish eating by all those hell bound heathens. Hate the sin and all that.

I hope your chums don't mixed fibre clothing, OP.*

These things are often mentioned on Internet forums by those who totally misunderstand Christianity. These are Jewish laws, the first Christians were Jews, yes. However they were differentiated from other Jews by their belief that they were saved by their faith in Jesus alone, not by following the many hundreds or thousands of Jewish laws (many detailed in the Old Testament) that related to every aspect of life.

Ejzuudjej · 27/06/2015 11:53

TTWK I hereby nominate you for best comment of the day. Love it

TheQueenOfSheba · 27/06/2015 11:56

I could not be friends with someone who holds those views, sorry. I would un-friend from FB and send them a short message telling them why I did not want to be friends with them anymore.

lljkk · 27/06/2015 11:58

Maybe they're just as disappointed in OP.
Sometimes have to agree to disagree.
There's nobody on this planet whose views I 100% agree or disagree with.
MN seems to have a lot of red lines, I don't know how folk with so many red lines manage to find anyone to talk to.
Re FB: post what you feel & ignore what they said. Everyone is allowed an opinion.
I am a little afraid that the 'victors' in this issue may seem to be gloating, it's a fine line between that & celebrating.

noblegiraffe · 27/06/2015 12:02

Paul was instrumental in the decision that Gentiles didn't have to convert to Judaism before they could be Christians. Unfortunately Paul was also a homophobe, the New Testament anti-gay stuff comes from him. Jesus never mentioned it.

SeenSheen · 27/06/2015 12:07

IRL I have friends who disagree on all sorts of issues but remain friends nonetheless. Only on Mumsnet do I find people that feel they can no longer be friends at all because they disagree on one aspect.
To drop your friends because they happen to disagree with you somehow makes you far less tolerant too IMO.

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