To ask if you are not thin do you still consider yourself confident & attractive?

[Onesugar]

Couldn't quite get the meaning of my AIBU into the title but I'm asking if you are not thin, do you still maintain your confidence, do you consider yourself sexy, intelligent and the 'same person you always were?' Confidence is the key here because I've been a little bit on the plus size for a year and always wore black outfits; trousers and jackets. Now summer is here I'm in black maxi dresses, and I'm sure that this is more to do with confidence than the fact that I'd look terrible in anything with a bit of colour.

[The5DayChicken]

I've not read any comments yet OP but let me assure you, you do suit colours that aren't black. It's your hang ups that're stopping you from realising this.

I'm a size 18 and obviously am overweight. I'm very confident. Probably annoyingly so to those who aren't. My boobs and legs are great and I know how to dress myself for my shape.

If I were you, I'd go to a shop like Yours with a bit of a spending budget and ask one of the shop assistants to help you pick a few things. You'll surprise yourself I reckon. And you'll feel more confident because you're better dressed.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

Huge, confident but features are ugly as sin. I give zero fucks though. Life is too short to worry about my face :o

[emzii206]

I am naturally a very petite person (5"3, always fluctuated between a size 6 and a size 8, my mum, sister and aunts are all like me), I've never been the most confident person. It has nothing to do with your size, it's all about how you view yourself. Since I gave birth to my daughter 9 weeks ago, I am now a size 10, with more "jiggle" than I've ever had...and I feel more confident in myself than I did when I was a size 6, with awesome abs, doing bikini fitness competitions! When I was super-skinny, I was obsessive about maintaining that...therefore I was miserable. My life revolved entirely around the gym, and my diet consisted of meat, brown rice, broccoli and protein shakes The thought of a protein shake actually makes me heave now! Now I'm bigger, I feel like I look healthier...therefore I am happier!
Don't let anyone else make you feel like shit! I don't anymore! I used to. My old trainer used to scrutinize every inch of me and actually told me I was wasting his time when I gained an extra 1.7% body fat!! I was miserable! and starving.
I've found that since I am happier, and eating like a normal person, my DH is also happier! Our kitchen is a much nicer place to be these days! He also tells me it's nice to have "something to grab on to" instead of being in bed with a dog's bone!!
(And I love scoffing down the odd jam donut or 3 without forcing myself into the gym afterwards!)
Love yourself, and everyone else will fall into place

[derxa]

About 4 years ago I weighed approx 6 stone less than I do now after extreme dieting. I did look good and was very confident even at 52. Unfortunately I got breast cancer and what with meds, sitting around after surgery and comfort eating, I put most of it back on. I say I want to lose the weight but my subconscious may be equating thinness with cancer because I am not motivated to change. Being more attractive brought a lot of attention from men which caused a few (minor) problems. I am attractive to my husband and I think that's to do with love and personality. If you love and are loved then that's all that counts believe me. When tough times come, you need someone strong and loving by your side.

[Turtlefeet]

No I feel I am vile.

Absolutely despise what I look like currently.

I am that person that people look at like a piece of shit. I can feel them looking me up and down with disdain and disgust.

It makes me feel like absolue shit.

I am 5ft tall and 12 stone 12lbs.

I am a size 16/18.

4 years ago I weight 10 stone 4lbs and was a size 10. But I lived on a few carrot sticks and the odd grilled chicken breast and spent 2 hours minimum in the gym and swimming daily. I felt fab and looked good but didnt have much of a life tbh.

I have my daughters speech day at her school on Saturday. I have been in tears about what to wear.

I have to choice of 3 dresses. I look okish but not polished and glam like all the other mums do. I know they sneer at me and look me up and down. I know I will get hot in the marquee on Saturday and need to remove my cardigan which will,if last year is anything to go on, will mean hard stares of disgust at my bingo wings and wobbly fleshy arms. These people don't even try to be polite. I am fat so they seem to think I deserve to be tutted, stared and sneered at.

Its horrid.

I am trying my best to diet and excercise again but I didnt get this fat over night and no-one knows I am trying so the "You fat monster stares" continue.

[noeffingidea]

I'm overweight but I'm fit and strong.
I'm happy with my appearance. I'm not sexually active (or want to be) so I don't really think about being sexy but I certainly feel fine otherwise. I wear bright colours most of the time. I never feel like I have to cover up or feel uncomfortable in hot weather. I wear vest tops because my upper body is toned and I'm proud to show it. I don't wear shortskirts or shorts but that's more down to age.
I'm 55, if that has any significance.
My advice is a) to exercise and eat a healthy diet. and b)look after your skin, hair, nails, etc. That doesn't mean spending lots of money or looking 'fake', just taking care of yourself.

[NerrSnerr]

I'm 5ft1 and currently a size 10-12 and bmi about 26. I am at my happiest at an 8-10. I know I'm not huge but i am not in proportion. I would like my belly to be a bit thinner.

[pressone]

I don't own any scales and have no idea what my BMI is, I wear size 14 clothes but in a Super Curvy from Bravissimo/Pepperberry due to being a 34JJ. I am also middle aged,menopausal, have arthritis in my neck and an underactive thyroid that is mostly under control..

However I am intelligent, funny, self sufficient emotionally and financially, am well thought of by my kids, my DP, my wider family and my colleagues.

My children are well balanced, in good relationships and apart from the youngest who is at college have good (if very middle class jobs - management trainee, mortgage advisor, psychologist and civil servant).

I do not measure my worth in aesthetics but in my achievements and personality. I rarely wear black (except my really boring dark navy uniform) and wear a lot of red - I do make some concessions to my figure - I never wear high neck tops or I look like I'm all boobage from neck to waist, nor cropped trousers as they shorten the leg and make one look dumpy.

I've had bouts of low confidence and depression and during those times I subscribe to the fake it till you make it philosophy - wear red or purple (not together!!) to look and feel more confident than I actually am during those times.

Dress for the way you want to feel not the way you do feel.

[noeffingidea]

turtlefeet ,just read your post. That's very sad.
People that sneer or look down at you aren't worth the time of day. Always remember it's what's inside that counts and anyone with that kind of attitude is an ugly person, no matter how slim or attractive they might look on the outside.
Put your best frock on, and hold your head up high. I'm sure your daughter will be happy and proud you are there to support her and that's all that matters.

[mughandle]

I should be confident.

I'm intelligent and interesting. I've birthed three beautiful children. My husband loves me and I've made a lovely home for my family.

I believe I have a pretty face, albeit at 36 it's not as youthful as it once was.

And yet, and yet...I'm not thin (size 14/16) and somehow that knocks my confidence a bit. But it seems ridiculous given all my other assets.

Are we merely a dress size?

[ephemeralfairy]

I have been overweight in the past and associate it with a very unhappy time in my life: I hated my job, was in a very erratic relationship with a borderline alcoholic and had zero self-confidence. Over the next year I started exercising regularly which had a very positive effect on my mood, I lost about three stone, changed my job and met my wonderful DP and of course I felt so much more confident and attractive. So for me my weight/appearance is very much bound up with my state of mind. I couldn't honestly say how I would feel if I put the weight back on now. I suspect though that I would be pretty miserable and feel that I had taken a step back somehow.

[MrsTedCrilly]

I feel completely different slim. So different that I am shocked I let myself put weight on again as I know how amazing it feels! I am a size 16 5ft 7 and can't fit into anything, avoid social stuff etc.. I do feel confident about my looks though which helps, plus my partner can't keep his hands off me whatever my size. But I love being a size 12 and feeling slim, wearing pretty clothes, not sweating as much, not adjusting clothes constantly. It's so freeing being able to shove anything on from your wardrobe, know it looks good, walk out the door and not worry about your figure all day.
Also strangers reactions change towards me, both men and women.. It's as if they respect me and consider me a person worth interacting with! Getting to a size 12 for me is like removing my invisibility cloak!
How can food be better than this feeling! Obviously my stomach rules

[SaulGood]

I'm a size 8. I work out hard every day and eat well, have good definition all over, nicely toned. I've always been slim.

Am I body confident? Am I fuck. I am going on holiday in August and will have to go on a beach. I will be wearing baggy t-shirts and trousers. I cringe if I see myself in a mirror. I despise the fact that I can't just wear a bikini and get on with digging holes with the children. It's ridiculous but it is what it is.

[derxa]

My thoughts entirely MrsTedCrilly

[cleanmyhouse]

Its an age thing for me, i went between size 8 and 22 and back from my teens to my late 30s and never felt attractive. I'm a size 16 - 18 now and feel bloody marvellous.

[cleanmyhouse]

Oh, and 40. 40 and bloody marvellous

[Dowser]

I have bags of confidence. I think it helped that I was a much wanted child who went to an all girls school where we had some excellent role models.( didn't realise it at the time. Thought they were all witches...well some of them anyway) but somehow maybe by osmosis i absorbed the idea I could be whatever I wanted to be.

I believe there's still time for me to be a brain surgeon. I just don't want too.

I was a drama student. That helps to bring confidence to the fore.

I love life and live it to the full. I've had my share of knocks but this is not a dress rehearsal so I believe in making the most of my life as and when.

I'm 63 now so on the slippery slope. I've got wrinkles. This is a whole new board game to me and it's pointless getting upset over it. I just still make the most of what I've got left.

I wear my hair long. Wear heels. Modern clothes. Eat healthily. Trying to lose the 7 lbs that have crept on over the lurve years.

I met my soon to be second husband at the age of 56 and we are having a ball.

Im a size 14 sometimes a twelve on a very good day. Top of arms are crepey , bingo wings, teeth not bad but were better oh the list is endless but I'm not going to obsess over it.

I'm bright. I'm funny. I make people laugh and I'm kind hearted.

You could stick it on my tombstone only I want to be cremated.

Don't squander your youth by obsessing.

[MrsTedCrilly]

Great post Dowser Inspiring, especially your last line.

[Ludoole]

Im a size 16 (was a 12 when i met dp). Ive always felt self conscious since my weight gain and have stuck to dark coloured clothes since. However i wore a bright floral top last week and my dp said i should wear more colours as i looked amazing he is 9 stone through illness and i have bought more bright clothes this week as he had given me such confidence Everyone needs a dp like mine!!!

[Dowser]

Thank you mrscrilly. I think it also helps that my eyesight isn't what it was so I only see what I want to see.

I must say I had a lightbulb moment in Tenerife in march when I met a friends American wife. She is what I would call a little brown mouse. She was somewhere in her fifties. Very petite. She was vegan. Ate like a bird. Nondescript brown hair in a nondescript style. Suntanned skin with a bit of sun damage but when she smiled it really did light up the room and she looked beautiful.
She focussed on the person she spoke to so that they felt really important. The waiters were eating out of her hand.

That woman had charisma in bucket loads. She wasn't loud and brash. Quiet and unassuming and very, very charming.

I think it's important that no matter our size or how we age we need to let our inner self come shinIng through.

[pressone]

Hooray for Dowser. Going to shout:

EVERYBODY READ DOWSER'S POST OF 22:58 ON 23/6.

[Peachyfacegurl]

I've always been 'big' and never considered myself attractive at all- but after I had my dd the weight literally fell off me I lost 4.5 stone in a year tool more interest in clothes and felt great. Im pregnant with my second and piling the weight back on so that new found confidence is wavering now for me unfortunately it's reliant on being slim :(

[DurhamDurham]

I've just back for a wonderful holiday today, I had a great time and met some interesting people who really made it a special holiday.

When I got back in the house I stood on the scales (fully expecting to be upset/pissed off/full of determination) and almost cried because I've put almost half a stone on in a week....it was a cruise but still

My mood changed instantly, I sent my husband to the supermarket to stock up on 'healthy food' and absolutely no treats. I've been sat here all evening wondering how quick I can loose the extra weight I've put on.

However I've just read the post by Dowser and had an epiphany.....how right she is. How stupid I am to obsess about a few pounds. I'm still wearing the same clothes I wore before my holiday so I can't have changed shape that much. When my parents picked us up at the port they both said how great we both looked, happy and rested.....no mention at all about any excess weight I might have put on.

I'd love to think I'm going to continue through life and not worry about weight fain or getting older.......I know that's not going to happen all the time but if I can even make a small shift in my way of thinking I just know I'll be a happier person.

[Cherryblossomsinspring]

I'm slim, I have been thin in the past, but too much partying and 3 babies in 3 yrs has taken its toll. I felt very confident in barely any clothes when I was thin thanks to a washboard stomach and now find it much harder to dress myself as parts of my shape aren't brilliant. So I don't feel that confident in my shape but rarely think of it except when doing a rare clothes shop. Occasionally I see a photo and am shocked to find myself thinking 'she has a nice slim figure' only to realise it's me after. So I guess I'm happy enough but it makes me happier to feel healthy. If I go through a patch of too much cake I do see it affect my shape slightly and that feels terrible so I can imagine how much carrying weight affects people's confidence.