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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do you stay on top of everything with kids? Really how?!

137 replies

FlyingDucks · 22/06/2015 11:14

I want to start a thread that will be full of useful ideas and tips for becoming, and staying, on top of everything when you have kids. I know similar thread have been done before, but I'm in need of some new inspiration to get us through the Summer holidays and into a new and very busy school year in September.

I have 2 DC that are not yet at school, and 2 DC in infants school. We live in a 3 bed with no outside space and a tiny kitchen.

While we are lucky to have what we have, I still find it challenging sharing a bedroom with our 1 year old, and having to constantly manage a 2 and a 5 year old sharing a bedroom and toys. My 5 year old needs/loves his own space and quiet time alone. He hardly ever has the chance for this sharing a bedroom with his brother.

These are my 'problem' areas that I want to get on top of. If you have similar issues or are one of those completely organised people that I aspire to be like, please come and share your thoughts!

  1. Our kitchen is a constant mess. I could spend an hour in there 3 times a day to keep it spotless. How do you keep your sink free from dirty dishes always? My oven and fridge hardly ever get a proper clean - probably once every 6 months for the oven and it's always dirty ...
  1. Toys are everywhere, always! My DC's bedrooms can go from tidy to bomb site in 20 minutes. We only have few toys and they all have a place. DC have 4 small accessible toy boxes each. But still toys are always muddled up with no one having a 'full set' of something to play with.
  1. I never, ever find time to clean all the hidden spots (as highlighted in another current post!). Behind furniture, outsides of bins etc never get done. Where do you find the time? I am shattered by the evening, and really don't want to give up a Saturday or Sunday to do it.
  1. House admin/banking/paying bills etc. When do you get the time to do all this? I still have school photos from last year I haven't yet ordered :(

Please come and share your tips for success, or just come and commiserate with me.

OP posts:
CheesyDibbles · 23/06/2015 19:35
Gdydgkyk · 23/06/2015 19:41

Sunshine - it took me 5 months with 16 ish hours spent each week sorting. I was ruthless! The kids and DH all went through their stuff too with fine tooth comb. I helped. Even our dog has less toys

NinkyNonkers · 23/06/2015 19:51

Hmmmm, dunno! We have two smalls, I work part time and Dh full. We have a smallish house,small kitchen, no dishwasher. (As yet, it may get plumbed in one day!) Routine and ruthlessness is key here.

I did a massive purge before we moved here. Adults now have two drawers of clothes each, kids have one...for example. One good quality item instead of 5 cheapies. Am ruthless with what comes in, and recycle/charity unwanted bits promptly.

Routine: beds done, Windows opened as soon as we get out of bed. Washing on first as soon as come down. Breakfast on the go, sink of water filled. Dishes straight in. Kids dressed. Dishes washed and out. Me showered etc. Washing out. Dishes put away, drainer hung up, sink wiped. Final kitchen wipe. School run. Work.

If at home, come back from school run, go to group or play at home for a bit. Do chicken related chores, check veg patch and allotment. Lunch...again fill sink while cooking, wash cooking pans there a d then, all plates washed straight after meal. Wipe round kitchen, quick wander around downstairs for anything else to wash etc. Dishes away, drainer hung up etc.

Evening: home from school. Dinner, same drill with sink and dishes. While one does bedtime the other whips round downstairs returning toys to correct place, sorting kitchen,making packed lunches, quick Hoover if needs be etc so we can chill a bit in eve. Get Washing in.

Bigger bits happen as and when and are fitted around other daytime activities. I try to keep weekends as chore free as poss as we have lots to do in garden.

Shetland · 23/06/2015 19:52

even the dog has less toys Grin

I am unintentionally like editthis's mum - I seem to flit around the house abandoning one job when I notice another - but I never seem to get back to the original job so it doesn't work for me!
I've tried a schedule but I just don't stick to it.
I have made a good start on de-cluttering though, and it's all a bit easier already.

Wish I had something useful to add :)

windchime · 23/06/2015 20:00

I pay people to do things for me. Especially cleaning the oven. £80 and worth every penny.

BlueBananas · 23/06/2015 20:39

I use those oven pride bag things - £5 and no scrubbing required!

CamelHump · 23/06/2015 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CamelHump · 23/06/2015 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bodicea · 23/06/2015 20:55

Fridge tip: when ever you are about to put a dishwasher load on and there is a bit of space put one of the fridge shelves ( or oven racks) in with it. Keeps on top of the fridge without turning it into a big job.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 23/06/2015 20:59

You have 4 children op

You are blessed - and domestically ducked until they are all at school

Accept it !

Imperialleather2 · 23/06/2015 21:01

OK so I have found the following works

Empty dish washer at night or first thing so it's ready to reloaded with breakfast mess.

Lay out all school uniform ready

Get school bag ready

If driving to school load all bags etc into the car the night before.

Clean toilet and sink while kids in the bath clean bath whilst in the shower

If you can set washing machine to finish the wash at say 6:30 that way there is time to get thecwashibg dried andctherfore away before the children are home from school.

My new mantra is 'if in doubt chuck it out' i

Melonfool · 23/06/2015 21:15

Not green - but for quick cleaning keep those cleaning wipes by each sink, wipe round the sink and taps quickly every day or so after doing your teeth. Keeps on top of the marks.

If not got any - baby wipes are fine! I sometimes have a quick wipe round the loo seat and rim with a baby wipe (we don't have a baby/dc but we have the wipes for our bums, cheaper than Andrex wet bum wipes).

Pointlessfan · 23/06/2015 21:16

So many great ideas on here, I'm feeling inspired! I've put all the washing away tonight as a start.

CamelHump · 23/06/2015 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Melonfool · 23/06/2015 23:30

Decluttering - we got rid of four full black bin bags of clothes, bedding and curtains at the weekend, plus a box of books and bric a brac. So refreshing. Can now actually see in the airing cupboard and the sets are labeled for each bed as to whether they are single, double or king size.

unlucky83 · 23/06/2015 23:57

I agree with 4 DC just give yourself a break - if they are fed and clean - you are doing a good enough job!
However...

The thing that has helped me most is something from I think 'unfuck my habitat' - 5 mins or less. If it takes 5 min or less just do it...don't put it on a list, don't give it brain space - just do it...
So eg emptying the dishwasher used to be a job I hated ...I would keep putting it off and keep thinking I need to empty the dishwasher.
I started forcing myself to do it (chanting 5mins or less to myself - it actually takes about 3 mins! I did time it once Blush) - now it is a habit - it is finished it gets emptied...just do it automatically.
The 5 mins or less is also true for lots of things - eg like bird poo on a window - every time you walk past you see it - it annoys you... you think I must sort that out. When actually it only takes a few minutes...you see it and you do it. It stops you feeling swamped thinking I must, I must, I must...
Washing - I have a main wash day once a week - I do 5-7 loads. I do them one after the other - unless it is really rainy I hang it on the line (I have a rain cover on a rotary airer). When the line is full (3 loads), just before the next load finishes, I take in the driest things (usually 1st load) and put in the tumble to air. (Then the next lot of driest thing, then the next etc.) I don't iron...as soon as the tumble finishes I put on hangers and into wardrobes or fold. Folded clothes go into a wicker basket. The next day I put the clothes in the basket away. It takes 5-10mins. I have enough drawer space for everyone - think that is really important! - I pull out clothes for recycling as I put away - drawers are never overfull - I always have a bag on the go and I take it to the clothes bank at least once a month. (My DCs are older now but I still do the putting away...so I can cull their drawers but most importantly it does get put away - doesn't get mixed in with dirty and back in the laundry bin...)
Admin/paperwork/child organisation.
As soon as they get home from school I check their bags - I add dates to my google calendar or to do list. I pay for things like trips straight away or sign things and it goes back in their bag for the next day. Like someone else I have a big bulldog clip and stick notes/party invites in there - in reverse date order (if it is paid I write that on the note). Party invites I will add the date to my calendar, text the parent to say we can go and also put 'buy a present for' on my 'to do' list for a week before.... this all takes a few minutes max but means it never becomes overwhelming.
House paperwork -- yy to direct debits and to having somewhere to file bills etc - anything else try to pay straight away by internet banking - post date if nec (and write on things that they are paid and when). The other thing I have is an A4 folder full of polypockets -I stick things like hospital appt letters in there after I have put the date on my calendar -so I can find them. (And if it is an appt during school hours for a DC I put write letter to school on my to do list for the week before.)
They also have a bag for each activity and it lives on a hook in the cloakroom. Their 'kit' stays in the bag - bills/permission letters also get dealt with straight away and then go into the bag - clothes that needed washing when clean go in the bag.
But I am also trying to go paperless ...I use google keep and an app called ticktick -along with google calendar -which has recurrent events on there - eg DCs activities -so I know if I have a clash straight away and also if it 'special' for some reason I'll just put it on there.
You can view Keep and ticktick and calendar on your phone, tablet and laptop - they all sync. I add eg dentist appts straight onto my phone calendar as I get them -don't take cards anymore - and they are set to send an email reminder in advance.
Google keep I take photos of eg newsletters/party invites/appt letters - so I can always find a copy if I need to doublecheck something. I also have a full shopping list on there -things I regularly buy. I make a copy as 'current' and add odd things to it - then before I do a big shop I go through and delete what I don't need - then tick things off as I go round the shop. (And lots of other things too - but mainly for my work)
Ticktick is a to do app - a to do list. You can have separate categories, set dates, set recurring events. If someone asks me to do something etc I add it to my ticktick -you can (like keep) do it by voice recognition -so it takes seconds - you can also # (tag) things. So eg I work mainly from home but need to go in once or twice a week - if there is something I need to pick up or take in etc (non-urgent) I'll tag it '#work' - before I go I view all #work things, before I leave I'll view it again- so I don't get home and think damn I've forgotten to pick up or I should have...I just have to remember to check!

Sorry huge post - I guess I should say I am not naturally organised (I think I have ADHD -and was described by a former boss as the most disorganised, organised or organised disorganised person they had ever met) but these things help me not to be as chaotic as I am inclined to be ... keep things under control - and even when things slip (and they do) it is never as bad as it has been in the past ... when I have eg forgotten DCs regular activities - and have ended up with piles of paper to do lists - making sorting out my to do lists another job for my list!!!

milkmilklemonade12 · 23/06/2015 23:59

Gosh, great advice here and I do have help AND a small family, but here's my two pennies worth:

Never go up or downstairs empty handed

Make the beds as people get out of them

Load dishwasher and washing machine last thing at night and empty first thing

Contract out oven cleaning

Have a clear out of toys before each person's birthday and Christmas. Any doubled up gifts get regifted

Invest in a steam mop; you can use them on carpets to freshen them up

Get groceries delivered

Clean out the fridge before shopping arrives and be absolutely ruthless

Keep stuff on kitchen worktops to an absolute minimum

Good luck!

Momagain1 · 24/06/2015 00:05

Im not sure how realistic toy no-go zones are with 4 DC in a 3 bed house. we have a small house and this really wouldn't work for us.

It is realistic, but it takes a LOT of effort on your part. My mom had 4 born between 1963 and 1970, and in those days a 3 bed house for that size family was the norm in US suburbs.

There wasnt much childrens TV, so no reason to be anywhere but our rooms, where the toys were. We played in our bedrooms, or outside (since it was in Florida, and a modern suburb with big gardens, outside was a more reliable option than in the UK, so there's that.) We were expected to limit what was brought out to play with and expected to put it away before moving on to the next. So, if we were playing house with the dress up box and toy kitchen stuff, we finished with that before pulling out the building toys we owned (tinkertoys, did they exists in the UK?) My earliest memories must be about age four, and I remember incidents both knowing to clean up in between and doing so, and knowing that since we hadnt, we would have to as soon as mom came in and saw it. And deciding to just skip it until then!

no anything on the floor in the kitchen is common sense for safety reasons. no toys in the dining room you have to go through to get to the kitchen, except things like playdough or art stuff, which could ONLY be used there, and then cleaned up again. toys in the front room, very rarely, and again, cleaned up at end of the play session. Often, the youngest baby was in a playpen in there whenever we were playing with things he was too little for, that he might choke on or break.

Up until oldest DB began school, playtime was organised much like a nursery, we werent left to our own devices all morning, interrupted to grab some lunch, then sent to wade back through the piles of toys all afternoon. From an early age there was a schdule to the day. Breakfast, tidying and dressing, playtime for a while, then a clean up and another playtime where we would be directed into a different sort of play. Maybe first it would be outside and the second would be sitting to do art. Maybe first would be dress up boxes and then outdoors. Then a clean up and then lunch. And then naps, or as we were bigger, quiet time in our room with books or whatever other quiet thing we could each play with solo for about an hour.(hoping we would fall asleep of course). Then playtime and a cleanup before dinner. One morning each week we went to the library. One morning we went grocery shopping. Both those days, we all had to get in the car fairly early to drive Daddy to work so mom could have the car. We might stop in to see a grandmother or aunt before the library opened, but I know we went right to the grocery store from dropping him.

i am sure between the days we had the car, and the days we did art, she probably had a weekly schedule but I dont remember it as such. i dont recall her playing with us very much, she was a 1960s housewife, so there was all that scratch cooking and baking to do, and laundry to wash and hang and iron, and she made a lot of dresses for her and I, and some of my brothers clothes too. She usually did art with us, or did her embroidery then, and might sit down for a quick cup of play tea. She certainly admired the things we built before helping us dismantle them. Basically, she would set us up in the bedroom to play, go do her stuff for an hour or so, then she would rearrange us, then go back to her own stuff. i guess she had a sense of how long we would play nicely at one thing, so organised us, used the remaining time, reorganised us, etc. If we fought over whatever we were playing with, it was time to put it away and do something else. Messy stuff like art supplies were not available except under supervision, so that mess was controlled. As we got a little older, chores other than putting away toys crept in: setting the table for lunch and dinner, helping clear it, helping dust skirting boards or wipe down other woodwork.

So, it can be done, but it will be done BY you actively directing it every day not by just telling the dc. Which sounds hard, but then again, living in a messy toy strewn house is hard. My mom made her choice for the organising, and it paid off as we all kind of kept to the habit of not dropping stuff all over the house so long as we lived there. admittedly, my mom is a very organised person by nature so this would be her choice! my version was a more watered down expectation that toys go back to the bedroom, even if just in a messy pile, each night. When they were toddlers, and played in the babyproofed living room, all the toys were scooped into a laundry basket at night. By me or DH.

Currently, I am exhausted thinking how busy she kept us in order that she could get through the housework expected of SAHM then. i have one ds now, at school most of the day, and I dont accomplish a quarter of what she did each day with 4 small children and a dog undefoot.

Ashbeeee · 24/06/2015 06:27

Yes to all of the above, but only if the mess drives you mad.

And train the kids, even from tiny, to clear up after themselves 'tidy up time' from 18months old is very do-able, as is putting shoes/coats away/fetching them when needed. Get the bigger kids to supervise tidy up time whilst dinner is being prepared. Train your DH to do 'tidy up time' as well (but maybe not call it that for him as he may not enjoy being patronised!)

A 5yo can pull a quilt up in the morning and put dirty clothes in the washing basket. And if the toys have already been put away (as above) the floor is Hoover-able and you won't 'Lego' your feet.

Can't stress enough about de cluttering the small kitchen (do you really need that smoothie maker???? And 20 mugs, most of which are chipped? ) In our teeny one we had shelves rather than cupboards , so everything is off the surface (easy clean, more workspace and looks so much bigger) and you had to keep the shelves tidy (so no unnecessary crap). Added bonus that you don't bash yr head on open cupboard doors or have to do that ridiculous limbo past a door someone else has opened maneouvre, . IKEA lack ones are v cheap and sturdy. Shelves open up a space to make it look bigger as they are not as deep as cupboards and they can come lower down the wall than cupboards, so better use of space. You can paint cheap white emulsion behind to make space seem bigger too. And if you have bumpy walls it looks all rustic Grin If you have any ceiling space, a hanging pan rack is brilliant. It looks all chef-y even with crap pans and saves cupboard space. That's a weekend's work there , but transformative. And it looks v groovy.

What I will say is though, having teenaged kids now, their natural habitat is pig sty so all this good work and training will be for nothing once they hit 12/13. Smile

Yarp · 24/06/2015 06:56

My answer: I wouldn't, with 4 children. That's why I only had 2. 2 pre-schoolers alone nearly sent me round the bend.

FluffyCubs · 24/06/2015 08:15
  1. I put uniforms out, bags in car and toothbrushes in downstairs toilet.....I also bathe my kids at night and while they're in bath I clean bathroom, do my own stuff (face, nails, moisturizer etc). In the morning we basically have time to get up and go which is invaluable as my kids are shite sleepers and I'm often knackered in the morning. I get dressed while they're having their breakfast. Telly allowed if they're fully dressed and teeth done.
  1. While they're eating evening meal, I put prepare our dinner and stick in oven, normally it's ready by the time they're in bed. I do everything on a lowish heat.

For the rest, I time myself using radio four.....so women's hour is the time when I clean kitchen and get washing ironing done. At night when we go upstairs for baths etc I take up the Hoover and do a quick whizz about. I online order monthly but stop after school most days to collect dinner stuff....this actually stops food waste.

Basically, once were downstairs, we stay down and vice versa

Trurouge · 24/06/2015 08:32

With four kids aged between 14 and 3 and one on the way I aim for a complete gut of 1 room a day along with the daily chores like reloading the dishwasher and putting a load of washing in. Ironing also has a designated day, with 6 in the house it can be a full days task. I finish 'work' at 7pm. Everyone has a cut off at work so why shouldn't i? Anything that didn't get done rolls over to the next day.

TeaAndCake · 24/06/2015 10:12

Can't claim to be super organised but I have recently put all the children's school/nursery paperwork and party invitations into a thin file with a section for each child and a section at the back for all the school/nursery holiday calendars.

I also make a note on everything in the file with the date I replied and cheque number. When the event has come and gone it can just be pulled out and put in the recycling bin. I do find that it's best to just reply/deal with it straight away otherwise it gets forgotten.

We also put everything on the iPad diary which syncs to the home computer, DH's work laptop and both our iPhones so it can always be seen by everyone.

Don't ask about cleaning though, house is always a tip. I keep on top of the laundry but the rest of it pffft.

Sapat · 24/06/2015 10:59

I have 3 kids (7,4,1) and I work full time. DH and I rarely argue but last night he was a moron. He told me off because the middle child helped himself to a yoghurt drink that was best before 17 May. Apparently this was my fault because clearing out the fridge is apparently my responsibility. Yeah right, told him to fuck off and left him to do the washing up. Still haven't spoken to him. We live in a small (but very nice) 3 bed terrace with a tiny kitchen too and a tiny fridge. The house is always messy and not fantastically clean. Tough. I don't have a cleaner, nor a nanny and the children are young and modern houses are pityfully small. And I don't care that his mum (who never worked full time in her life and didn't work when the children were young) has a massive boring house devoid of character in tip top condition. She spends all her life cleaning to the point that she doesn't have time to see her grandchildren more than 3 times a year despite living an hour away because she is too busy. Whereas me, I am a well rounded, interesting individual. Who expects DH to lend a hand with household stuff, and if he doesn't, then please shut the fuck up.

CQ · 24/06/2015 11:27

Attagirl Sapat Grin

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