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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think men have no right to stand outside abortion clinics and do this.

787 replies

QuestioningStuff · 22/06/2015 09:36

Posted before about my pregnancy. I am having a termination today. This is not a decision I've made lightly.

I've arrived at the clinic and there is a middle aged man and his young teen son standing outside with camp chairs and flasks. Putting up awful pictures and signs. Trying to hand out leaflets.

I think women who do this are also scum but how on earth could a man think he has any right to do this? Turn up at a place where women are at their most scared and vulnerable and try to bully them?

It's really really upset me. I hate them so much right now.

I want to go and tell them exactly what I think of them but don't think that would be helpful at this time.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 22/06/2015 18:36

reekypear You really are a charmer, aren't you?

If a Y-chromosomer - who believes that it is the woman's right to choose - can nevertheless see that for many of those who make that decision it must be an appalling and horrible decision to take, you could make the effort. If you are male too, try harder. If you are female, I just don't understand how you can write what you did.

grannytomine · 22/06/2015 18:37

They shouldn't harass people but as I read the OP they aren't harassing people just protesting. They shouldn't be saying anything, or trying to stop people going into the clinic but they should be able to be there. They are entitled to be in a public place.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2015 18:42

Reeky- like what happens to "foetus" in the 90% of abortions that take place before 12 weeks?

grannytomine · 22/06/2015 18:42

I do think a man has a right to have feelings about abortion. What about the father, the mother's view might trump his but isn't he entitled to feel its the right thing or the wrong thing or even the right thing but sad as well?

DorotheaHomeAlone · 22/06/2015 18:45

I'm so sorry for your awful experience OP. These people are scum and I always tell them how disgraceful their actions are when I see them. Even If you are anti-abortion it is incredibly callous and inappropriate to protest outside a facility where vulnerable people are accessing healthcare.

Original poster
QuestioningStuff · 22/06/2015 18:47

Hello, OP back.

Thankyou so much to the people who wished me well and offered their support. It's been a long and stressful day.

I didn't want to come back to this thread initially and I think perhaps it was a bad idea for me to post this today.

I slightly regret making the post about men specifically. I don't think anybody should be intimidating and upsetting people outside abortion clinics full stop. It just seems even more scandalous for a man who will never be in my position to think they have the (moral) right to do that.

I don't think they were 'protesting'. If they cared about protesting they would be protesting to the people who actually have the ability to change the laws. I believe they were there to intimidate, scare and upset women at a time when many would already feel extremely vulnerable. And I think that is disgusting and yes I stand by my statement that they are scum.

I 100% believe that I have made the right choice but that doesn't mean it doesn't upset me. I burst into tears after being confronted by these men outside. With their blank stares. They don't know me, or any other women walking into that clinic. How dare they.

I hate that I was in this situation. I hate that I had to do it. But I have just left an abusive relationship and I have two small children who would suffer if I had gone through with this pregnancy. If I wanted to be selfish I would have kept this baby. I put my family and my children first.

It's so easy to be smugly black and white about a situation you haven't been in.

I got talking to a few girls when I was in there. All from completely different backgrounds with completely different lives. Nobody wanted to be there. We were all nervous, vulnerable and stressed. I can't imagine what kind of person could think it acceptable to add to that.

OP posts:
lastuseraccount123 · 22/06/2015 18:49

Flowers Questioning.

Hygge · 22/06/2015 18:49

OP you don't have to explain yourself or your decision to anybody.

Those men had no right to upset you.

Try to be gentle on yourself in the next few days and weeks. Flowers

christinarossetti · 22/06/2015 18:50

Great post OP.

I wish you well.

twofingerstoGideon · 22/06/2015 18:52

Thanks for coming back OP. As Hygge said, there's no need for you to explain your decision to anyone and I'm sorry you had to put up with those sanctimonious twats on your way into the clinic. Take care. Flowers

jorahmormont · 22/06/2015 18:54

If they wanted to protest, they'd do it where the law-makers are, they'd do it outside councils and government.

These odious cunts want to harass and intimidate and cause distress, whether theyre male or female. They have no right to do that. They aren't innocent blokes and ladies thinking "awe poor little babies, I have to save them", they're thinking you must be made to feel guilt because I disagree with you. You must be made to feel like a terrible human being because I disagree with you accessing a perfectly legal medical treatment.

There is no excusing these cunts. That is what they are, plain and simple, interfering pious cunts who think they have some god given right to dictate what others do with their bodies.

grannytomine · 22/06/2015 18:54

It goes two ways, I was accosted by a pro choice group when I was pushing my new baby in his pram with a screaming toddler holding my hand. Smug woman comes up to me and says, "You will obviously support our petition." They had a petition about easier access to abortions. It made me cry, I had not long given birth, about 2 weeks from memory, and I felt like she was saying I would have been happier with an abortion. She probably didn't mean it like that but it was hurtful. Sometimes people are insensitive.

grannytomine · 22/06/2015 18:56

Actually she wasn't that insensitive as she looked mortified when I burst into tears.

BonnieNoClyde · 22/06/2015 18:57

yy to this "If they wanted to protest, they'd do it where the law-makers are, they'd do it outside councils and government".

Jux · 22/06/2015 18:57

Most foetuses are unrecognisable as anything at all. I used to work in the operating theatre of my (then) local hospital. Despite being a RC, I had no argument with women choosing abortion, so I was often assigned to the theatre where an abortion was taking place.

Once, only once in 3 years, was the foetus remotely recognisable. And guess what? That was the only time when the woman didn't actually want to abort. (I don't know any other details, so no point asking. I know everyone was incredibly sad about it.)

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 22/06/2015 18:57

Great post OP. Take care.Thanks

BonnieNoClyde · 22/06/2015 18:58

Hope you're ok questioning stuff

Brew
Jux · 22/06/2015 18:59

Thanks Questioning.

PolterGoose · 22/06/2015 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 22/06/2015 19:02

I think you're brave op, and articulate, and I agree with you x

oddfodd · 22/06/2015 19:03

Big hug to you Questioning Thanks Thanks

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/06/2015 19:07

questioning

I'm glad you are ok. wishing you and those other women you met today a speedy recovery. I'm so sorry for all you encountered. and I'm relieved that you and the others you were with, we're able to find the strength to go through with the decision that was right for you despite the horrific sight you were confronted with. shame on them.

Flowers thank you for updating and letting us know you are back safe and things went ok. CakeBrew

Whiskwarrior · 22/06/2015 19:18

Fuck me, there's some complete cunts on this thread.

And complete cunts outside abortion clinics too.

I've signed the petition for exclusion zones.

Flowers for the OP and the other posters on this thread who've experienced pro-life scum outside clinics.

Enormouse · 22/06/2015 19:18

questioning Flowers wishing you all the best going forward. And to those that were with you today.

Thanks for coming back and updating us.

SanityClause · 22/06/2015 19:34

This is a quote from my Facebook feed, today;

"Fun fact: if my younger sister was in a car accident and desperately needed a blood transfusion to live, and I was the only person on earth who could donate blood to save her, and even though donating blood is relatively easy, safe, and quick procedure NO ONE CAN FORCE ME TO GIVE HER BLOOD yes even to save the life of a fully grown person it would be illegal to force me to donate blood if I didn't want to.

"See we have this concept called "bodily autonomy" it's this.... Cultural notion that a persons control over their own body is above all important and must not be infringed upon

"Like we can't even take LIFE SAVING organs from CORPSES, unless the person whose corpse it is gave consent before their death. Even corpses get bodily autonomy

"To tell people that they MUST sacrifice their bodily autonomy for 9 months against their will in an incredibly expensive, invasive, difficult process to save what YOU view as another human life ( a debatable claim in early stages of pregnancy when the VAST majority of abortions are performed) is desperately unethical. You can't even ask people to sacrifice bodily autonomy for organs they aren't using anymore after they have died

"You're asking people who can become pregnant to accept less bodily autonomy than we grant dead bodies."