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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cover (lie)? for my Child

72 replies

RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 09:04

Hello ,

My Son has a volunteer who comes round each week and is due this Wednesday morning. DS said that he does not want him coming round, I asked why and he said he is fed up of people in and out of his life (whole other story but we have had visits from various authorities of late nothing bad)and that he doesn't like Him . (which came as a shock as I thought they got on well).

My AIBU is self explanatory in the title . I would say he was unwell that day or something. Or should I be honest and say that DS does not feel he benefits from the visits ? or get DS to tell him himself .

All advice will be appreciated.

OP posts:
Chchchchangeabout · 22/06/2015 09:05

How old is your DS?

Penfold007 · 22/06/2015 09:08

It depends on how old your son is and what he has the volunter.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 09:08

DS is 13. He has big issues with attending school, among other things. Volunteer is fine but sometimes DS just will not communicate. I see it pointless if he isn't going to communicate and doesn't want him round.

OP posts:
fourmeatpies · 22/06/2015 09:08

What's his age, and what is the reason?

fourmeatpies · 22/06/2015 09:09

x post.

RepeatAdNauseum · 22/06/2015 09:10

I wouldn't lie and say he doesn't feel well.

I'd stop the visits, if your son doesn't enjoy them or benefit from them, because really it's just a waste of time for both your son and the volunteer.

If you are nervous about hurting the volunteers feelings you could always call whomever organises the volunteer and say that your son feels he's got all of the value he can from this arrangement, and you're going to see if you can find another activity for him to continue his development. That way you've made it clear that your son doesn't want to continue (so no awkward trying to rearrange), but the volunteer won't feel to blame either.

MrsCs · 22/06/2015 09:11

I'd say he can stop going when he goes to school instead, simple

saturnvista · 22/06/2015 09:12

No you should definitely tell the truth, better for everyone
Promise.

PurpleSwift · 22/06/2015 09:12

Lying here is pointless. What about next week? The week after? You need to have a real discussion about it and decide what to do long term/

Theas18 · 22/06/2015 09:13

I dunno. By doing this you are effectively colluding with your DS in his social withdrawal and school refusal. Surely this isn't in his best interests?

LuisSuarezTeeth · 22/06/2015 09:13

If your son won't engage, it's pointless. Is it a personality thing or the subject matter?

MrsCs that is a monumentally stupid thing to say.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 22/06/2015 09:14

Definitely don't lie - I know it's tempting though

Original poster
RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 09:15

MrsCs

You hit the nail on the head . I shall tell him that . However it goes deeper.

So I do not drip feed I will say my son has traits of being on the Autistic Spectrum, Social Anxiety and they suspect Depression
I would love for him to go to school ,, I feel so sad for him. What kind of future will he have ? Not much of one
Good advice Repeat , Thanks

OP posts:
scarlets · 22/06/2015 09:16

Do you think your son is ready to return to school, with support? Perhaps the volunteer has done his job effectively.

Chinhairscare · 22/06/2015 09:16

Don't lie. It sends the message that it's ok to lie yourself out of awkward situations.

scarlets · 22/06/2015 09:17

I'm sorry - we xp'd.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 22/06/2015 09:17

I'm not sure forcing an unhappy child to spend time with a volunteer he doesn't like very much is going to help his social withdrawal. I would cancel this week citing that your ds feels there are too many people involved in his life. If there are lots of people from local authorities coming to see him in a more official capacity then he may not see much of a difference between them and this volunteer.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/06/2015 09:17

I think lying about him being ill will just be giving your DS the idea it's okay to lie to put something off he dislikes, contact whichever organisation sends the volunteer before Wednesday and repeat what your DS told you.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 09:19

scarlets

He said he would go to a smaller unit . Its the noise and the changing of classes he mainly objects too .

I won't lie .. I will sit my DS down, sit down myself and ask Volunteer to sit down and get DS to explain. He knows his own mind.

OP posts:
Weebirdie · 22/06/2015 09:20

Rachael, Ive no advise about the volunteer visiting but as the mum of a young man who's on the spectrum I would suggest pushing for a diagnosis so it can be treated. My son came on in leaps and bounds once we'd sorted it out.

Original poster
RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 09:21

If there are lots of people from local authorities coming to see him in a more official capacity then he may not see much of a difference between them and this volunteer.

That makes perfect sense ., Thank You, had not seen it that way,

OP posts:
scarlets · 22/06/2015 09:21

Half of Silicon Valley is on the autistic spectrum, and professors and scientists too.

Slight exaggeration I know - but your son does have a future, if his education is managed properly now. Get support. The volunteer hasn't worked out but other options might.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 22/06/2015 09:21

Good idea Rachel

Original poster
RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 09:22

Weebirdie

DS has been seen and a report and assesment being undertaken. I am awaiting a letter. Glad for your Son.

OP posts:
MrsCs · 22/06/2015 09:22

Why Luis? He has is already not going to school and this would allow his to further dictate avoiding a normal routine.

My brother is on the autistic spectrum and it is the responsibility of the education system to enable his attendance with a suitable plan.

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